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What are you waiting for?
Have you had a friend, especially a friend with benefits? How do you tell them things? Personal things, or even things that you're afraid to bring up? Do you get anxiety attacks? Do your nerves freeze up in fear? Does you stomach tighten and hurt? Mine does.
How do you go from FWB, to something else, something more, something deeper, especially when you're afraid to speak your mind. Not that you are afraid of your friend, not by any means, but afraid of the consequence if what you say is taken wrong, or they can't or won't, feel the same way. I get attached to people, perhaps I open my heart too easily, but there it is. You're afraid to change the status quo because a) you don't know how to tell them that you'd be willing to be more (if that is how your friendship grows) or b) because they will take it wrong and walk away (just like everyone else has)
I'm tired of the 'fly by night guys', I want someone more steady, someone that wants to be with me, and not just for the sex, but because they enjoy me. Enjoy my company, enjoy spending time with me, enjoy those quiet times, those wild times, those every day times.
But how to you get to that point so that it doesn't destroy who you are? I know what it's like to put myself on that "chopping block" and having everything fall apart because you're not really anything but a convenience for them, but your feelings go deeper.
A person could go crazy thinking about these things.
Perhaps I should just let life be life, and let the 'chips fall where they may', and take it as it comes. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't.... let's pray that no one gets hurt this time.
