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1.(214): so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
(214): i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
(214): he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
2.(817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
3.(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
4.(805): he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
5.(717): he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
6.(916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
(1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
7.(202): therell be strippers and coke right?
(703): no strippers. just coke.
(202): i hate this fuckin recession
8.(812): Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
(917): Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
(812): Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
9.(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
10.(312): dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
(847): details on that.
(312): well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
