DA SHIZNIT's blog: "FUNNY STUFF!"

BATTLE OF THE SEXES CONTINUES 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing cricket without a box. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by product of indigestion. Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

He said: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said: You wear pants don't you? He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said: Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said: I would but you're never there. He said: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? She said: We don't know; it has never happened. He said: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking? She said: They already have boyfriends. She said: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? He said: A widow. He said: Why are married women heavier than single women? She said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Confucius Says..... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who run in front of car get tired. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who run behind car get exhausted. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok . *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man with one chopstick go hungry. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Man who fart in church sit in own pew. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Crowded elevator smell different to midget. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

HE SAID SHE SAID: Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together