Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to bed after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore. You don't want sex anymore, either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, what ever the cause I'm gone. Your Ex-husband P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life. ............................................................................................................................. Dear Ex-Husband: Nothing has made my day more pleasant than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and gripping. I did notice your hair cut last week. The first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!". But my Mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50.00 from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Every thing happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care. Signed: Rich as Hell and Free P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl... I hope that is not a problem.
