ive wasted so much time trying to do things for other people and be something im really not. i cant do that anymore and i sure cant rely on other people. im ok with that. now its time for me to do what i can and move the fuck on and thats exactly what im going to do.start living for myself and not living the way people think i should. im a big girl and ive got my fucking issues and it is what it is. so if i see you and i dont look like me then you never really knew me in the first place.
if you say you'll do something do it.if you don't and the person gets upset because you hurt there feelings again after you said you wouldn't they have every right to be upset.especially after they have had a mental break down because of all the let downs that keep occurring.don't say your going to be there for someone if your not.don't lie and say you will be if you know you can't then just say i can't be here for you.but dont be just another one of the countless people who let me down over and over again.
yes i have a bad fucking attitude because im severely depressed because people don't do what they say they will.im sorry if this effects you and the drugs that you are not able to get because i dont want to associate with the people who constantly let me down and make me feel like shit.please forgive me for not wanted to feel like shooting my self even more than i already do.it doesn't make it any better that the only time you fucking call me is to try and find your drugs.just to make things perfectly clear fuck you, fuck off and get fucking lost because i don't need feel more worthless than i already do. and i sure as shit don't need be people bitch anymore.i always get used and im fucking sick of. i don't need fake friends like all of you have been and i don't need the added pain. did you guys know that i tried to kill myself? did you know that i think about killing myself everyday? oh really well you do. so thanks for being so fucking selfish your all selfish. not to say that trying to kill myself isn't selfish but i think i deserve to be selfish for once. GOOD RIDDANCE TO YOU! ASSHOLES. AND GOOD RIDDANCE TO ME WHEN I FINALLY DO DIE. then none of you will be able to use me anymore.
stranger than life as she fades like a thousand paper moons in the river of blood. salt rains burning the sins of a million lost souls as they erode like the oddities of the universe and the embers of glory disperse as weak are laid to rest
i found my point shoes and my old audition tape from when i did a recital in highschool.i was the only person who danced to rock in roll hahahah but dancing to rock n roll got me two parts in cinderella hahah so i guess you could say it worked out. anyways i danced for a while it was fun i miss it ... even though you have to move like theres a stick up your ass hahahaha
car , guitars , autographed records and cds, a queen size bed really new. a shit load of clothes and shoes. im selling everything anything you need or want hit me up i have much more than listed. everything must go.
i can feel you. even though your so far away.late at night when my tears fall and loneliness is at its greatest, i imagine that your here and im in your arms again. only for a moment does this mind trickery work. a sweet and beautiful moment until reality comes screeching back and i am again alone curled in the fetal position wondering when the pain of everything ive gone through is going to go away.i wish i didnt care about other people and there pain so that i could off myself without causing them sadness.even if i told them how miserable i am i dont think they would understand.ive gone through so much this year and this life and it sucks. i know thats very selfish and other people have it much tougher than me but i cant help it. my mind is constantly working against me. i try to think of happy things and i try to forgive people for what they have done to me but i cant let go when i try to think of other things my mind plays tricks and makes all these painful moments flood my head with no escape all i can do is try to sleep.sleep dosn't even come half the time id like it too.either way im dieing inside myself and i know people have started to notice because everyone keeps asking me if im alright and i keep saying no and theey just keep pretending everything is fine. but its not and it hasn't been for a long time.i dont really have anything to live for now anyways. my family i guess but to be honest they didnt protect me from vern when i was little girl so why should i care about them anyways? they allowed a disgusting old man to break me everyday for a long time. thats pretty much all life has given me. shitty people to make me feel even more worthless. im done. im tired and i dont want to do it anymore.i tired of being betrayed and im tired of living this way. ive tried time and time again to make things better but i try and try and i always end up getting screwed and not in the fun way
if you ditch someone they have every right to get angry especially if they are the one that invited you to the event.if someone expresses to you that they are afraid and need you to find them or help them shouldnt that a priority?it would be for me. especially if i knew the person was in an altered state of mind and especially if it was a chick that was alone in a crowd of over 50 thousand people.my ex ditched me at a rave and it fucking sucked.i was by myself for a couple hours because he wouldnt even try to find me and i had gone to look for him but i couldnt see and could barely walk.thank god for kickass ex ryan he and his girlfriend allison came and found me.i dont know what id do without you guys. thank you so much for being there for me when the one person who should have wasnt.