gone's blog: "fubux action"

Its what I GET  to do today

I was filled with ease and comfort this morning. I attended a counseling meeting with my daughter this morning and the councilor said to me that “ it is great to see a father stepping up and being a man and taking responsibility for his family.” I was holding my 2 week old grandson and I had to think about being a man for a minute and what stepping up was all about. You see I don’t feel I knew how to be a man all that long ago in fact it has just been in the past few years that I feel I have become a man. Before that I wasn’t much more than a selfish toddler in a mans body. Oh I knew about responsibility but it was a duty a chore so to speak and I avoided that sort of thing as much as possible. I really hadn’t learned how to even take responsibility for my own action. Of course I sure thought I was a man but see my values were a bit skewed. I suffered from to many John Wayne, Clint Eastwood move ideas of what a man is supposed to be. The I take what I want do what I want the world is my possession because I am the man. I can fight my way out o9f anything  its me against the world I am an island mentality. See the world owed me and I wasn’t responsible for what I had to do to get what I want and have control over my world. If you wronged me I would seek retribution. Well that life didn’t work and I was brought to my knees, life became so unmanageable that I couldn’t even take care of my daughter. I couldn’t live up to my own values and I was alone. This morning I realized I have really had a psychic change. Today those responsibilities aren’t chores I have to do they are things I GET to do. It isn’t about stepping up it is about living life to the best of my ability and enjoying the blessings and gifts that are my life today. I GET to be there when my daughter needs me I GET to see my grandson come up in this world. I GET to live life on its terms instead of struggling in a futile attempt to make things go my way. How did this change come about where did I find this new way to life and how did I get blessed with a life worth living?  I surrendered because I was beat and I couldn’t go on. I couldn’t do it myself . I was guided by a power greater than my self who I call god to a group of men who with some simple steps taught me how to live and be a man. I found with a little bit of willingness that life wasn’t so impossible. I learned to take suggestions and started living by some spiritual guidelines. One day at a time. I wasn’t washed white as snow. I learned that I am the problem that my life isn’t any of my business and if my life wasn’t my business then yours couldn’t be my business. That things will happen on there own and I am only responsible for my thoughts actions and feelings. That when I was disturb I had to look inward to find the source of my problem then I could find the solution. Today I have a life that is beyond all my wildest dreams and is truly worth living and I I am free. I GET to do so many beautiful things.  What do you GET to do today or is your life full of all those things you have to do?