BLAKKDETH I MISS MY CARRIE's blog: "FRIENDS"

Now, anyone who knew Carrie knew that she always stayed hot no matter what the weather. She could be outside in her night shirt and no shoes on in the middle of winter and it wouldn’t phase her in the least. But, as we lived in an older house, it didn’t retain the heat that well. Just after she had made breakfast and we ate she wanted to go outside and gather some wood for the fireplace. So I went with her to get it because we had just run out of kerosene for the heater that morning and no way to get to the store yet. A thousand times…A thousand times she had always been careful when she was lighting the fireplace. She had just seconds before sent out emails to her father in New Jersey thanking him for bringing us up there for Christmas, and to our friend Rhonda to thank her for watching our animals for us while we were gone. A thousand times she had done it before and had always been careful. As I walked to the kitchen for more coffee, I had told her to be careful because the gas she had just put on the logs could explode on her. She had made a smart-aleck remark as usual, “If it does, then I’ll be in the hospital and I’ll be warm.” I told her not to talk like that. Why? Why did she say it? As I returned to the living room and sat down, I happened to look over and told her that she needed to move the jug away from the fireplace before she lit it. In a split second, she had already lit the match and the gas jug exploded. This is the part in which each time I think of it, I get angry with myself. I was trained for things such as this in the military, but my mind simply went blank as the explosion knocked her three feet back away from the fireplace. What to do? What on God’s green earth do I do? Immediately I told her to lie down and roll. Isn’t that what they say to do; to stop, drop, and roll? It wasn’t working. Water. I’ll get water. As I ran to the kitchen to get water I heard her screams and saw her trying to crawl from the living room to the kitchen to follow me. She must have thought that I was abandoning her. When she got to the kitchen, I was trying to put out the fire that had now almost entirely consumed her. She lay down on the floor and it seemed as if she had just given up, screaming for me to help her and how bad it hurt her. I could not in my wildest dreams imagine what my princess went through that day. As I finally got the flames extinguished on my Carrie, I asked if she could stand. “Yes” she said. That’s a good sign isn’t it? I got her to the back porch and told her to wait there. I had to go back in and get my cell phone to call 911. As I returned to the living room I poured water on a suitcase that had caught fire from sitting too close. I grabbed my cell phone and headed back outside. By the time I got outside (no more than 30 seconds) she was already at the neighbor’s house screaming for someone to help her. I knew that shock had already set in and she was telling me that she was still cold. Her jogging pants that she had on were completely burned off of her; the only thing remaining was the elastic bands around the waist and ankles. I ran back to the house to get a blanket for her. God, how the nightmares still plague me. Her standing there wrapped in the blanket and huge pieces of skin hanging from her face and hands as if someone had cast her in wax and had started to melt her. But I guess it is true that you get what you ask for in life. I begged the Almighty God that day to give me the nightmares and not to let her remember them. I still wake in the night in a cold sweat remembering my beautiful Carrie that way. Then, I was being pushed myself by a paramedic into an ambulance. They had said that they would be bringing Carrie to the hospital by helicopter and that I was to be checked out for smoke inhalation. Three hours later I refused any more treatment as the doctor tried to put a long tube up my nose to check my passages for blockage. I had to see if my princess was alright. I had heard them bring her in and she was only two rooms down from me. I heard her screams and tears filled my eyes as I felt her pain too. By the time they had discharged me to go and see her; they had already taken her upstairs to the burn unit. Another four hours went by. Finally, they said they had her sedated and bandaged in a room. I had to scrub up and put on one of those backward gowns, but I was finally going to get to see my Carrie. As I walked into the room I almost lost control myself. There was my beautiful princess, stretched out on a bed with a tube in her throat and bandaged from the waist down. Bandages were on her arms from the elbow to her fingertips and her face, burnt and swollen now so badly that her eyes were swelled shut. As she heard my voice enter the room she came to a little bit. She tried to open her eyes but she couldn’t. She knew she could not talk because of the tube in her throat. I asked her, “Do you know who I am?” She nodded her head slightly in response. “Are you in pain baby?” She shook her head no. “You know that I still love you with all my heart princess” I said to her, and she nodded again as she lifted her hand to hold mine. Then the sedatives took hold of her and my princess was asleep.

HATS OFF TO CHARLIE DANIELS....AT LEAST HE HAS THE COURAGE TO SPEAK HIS MIND!!! Did he ever hit the nail on the head with all the politicians: "I don't know how everybody else feels about it, but to me I think Hispanic people un this country, legally or illegally, made a huge public relations mistake with their recent demonstrations. I don't blame antbody in the world for wanting to come to the United States of America, as it a truly wonderful place.?? But when the first thing you do when you set foot on American soil is illegal it is flat out wrong and I don't care how many lala land left heads come out of the woodwork and start trying to give lessons. I don't need sensitivity lessons, in fact I don't have anything against Mexican!? I just have something against criminals and anybody who comes into this country illegally is a criminal and if you don't believe it try coming into America from a foreign country without a passport and see how far you get. What disturbs me about the demonstrations is that it's tanta-mount to saying, "I am going to come into your country even if it means breaking your laws and there's nothing you can do about it." It's an "in your face" action and speaking just for me, I don't like it one little bit and if there were a half dozen pairs of gonads in Washington bigger than English peas it wouldn't be happening. Where are you, you bunch of lily livered, pantywaist, forked tongued, sorry excuses for defenders of the Constitution? Have you been drinking the water out of the Patomac again? And even if you pass a bill on the immigration it will probably be so pork laden and watered down that it won't mean anything anyway. Besides, what good is another law going to do when you won't enforce the ones on the books now? And whatever happened to the polls, guys? I thought you folks were the quintessential finger wetters? Well you sure ain't paying any attention to the polls this time because somewhere around eighty percent of Americans want something done about this mess, and mess it is and getting bigger everyday.? This is no longer a problem, it is a dilemma and headed for being a tragedy. Do you honestly think that what happened in France with the Muslims can't happen here when the businesses who hire these people finally run out of jobs and a few million disillusioned Hispanics take to the streets?? If you, Mr. President, Congressmen, and Senators, knuckle under on this and refuse to do something meaningful it means that you care nothing for the kind of country your children and grand-children will inherit. But I guess that doesn't matter as long as you get re-elected. Shame on you. One of the big problems in America today is that if you have the nerve to say anything about any group of people (except Christians), you are going to be screamed at by the media and called a racist, a bigot,and anything else they can think t6o call you. Well, I've been pounded by the media before and I'm still rockin' and rollin' and when it comes to speaking the truth I fear not. And the truth is that the gutless, gonadless, milksop politicians are just about to sell out the United States of America because they don't have the intestinal fortitude to stand up to face reality. And reality is that we would never allow any other group of people to have 12 million illegal in this country and turn around and say, "Oh it's ok, ya'll can stay here if you'll just allow us to slap your wrist." And I know that some of you who read this column are saying, "Well what's wrong with that?" I'll tell you whats wrong with it. These people could be from Mars as far as we know. We don't know who they are, where they are, or what they're up to, and the way Congress is going we're not going to. Does this make sense? Labor force you say?? We already subsidize corporate agriculture as it is, must we subsidize their labor as well? If these people were from Haiti would we be so fast to turn a blind eye to them or if they were from Somalia or Afghanistan? I think not!! All the media shows us are pictures of hard working Hispanics who have crossed the border just to try to better their life. They don't show you pictures of the Feds rounding up members of MS13, the violent gang who came across the same way the decent folks did. They don't tell you about the living conditions of the Mexican illegal some fat cat hired to pick his crop. I want to make two predictions: 1. This situation is going to grow and fester until it erupts in violence on our streets while the wimps in Washington drag their toes in the dirt and try to figure out how many tons of political hay they can make to the acre. 2. Somebody is going to cross that border with some kind of weapon of mass destruction and set it off in a major American city after which there will be a backlash such as this country has never experienced and the Capitol building in washington will probably tilt as congressmen and senators rush to the other side of the issue. I don't know about you but I would love to see just one major politician stand up and say, "I don't care who I make mad, and I don't care how many votes I lose, this is a desperate situation and I'm going to lead the fight to get it straightened out." I don't blame anyone for wanting to come to America, but if you don't respect our immigration laws why should you respect others? And by the way, this is America and our flag has stars and stripes. Please get that other one out of my face!!!! God Bless America Charlie Daniels

In many ways the old dragon is angry....Angry that it cannot take its own life, because if it does it will doom itself to an eternity of darkness and tortured horrors. I t has lived through enough of this darkness and horror while it existed here. Angry because it is immortal and the only way to really end its life IS to take it itself. Angry that it cannot see the true love it once knew once more or ever.... It feels as if she left it too soon to go on. Left it centuries ago, yet as if only yesterday....

Korn - Coming Undone Lyrics Keep holding on when my brain's ticking like a bomb Gets the blood clots to come, I can forget me Sweet bitter words unlike nothing I have heard Sing along mocking bird, you don't affect me That's right Deliver into my heart Please try Bring deliverance Wait I'm coming undone I waste I'm coming undone Too late I'm coming undone What looks so strong, so delicate Wait I'm starting to suffocate And soon I anticipate I'm coming undone What looks so strong, so delicate Choke, choke again I thought my demons were my friends They decay, in the end they're out to get me Since I was young I tasted sorrow on my tongue And this sweet choking gun does not protect me That's right Trigger between my eyes Please try Make it quick now I'm trying to hold it together And it's like a bed of feather Looks like I'm not getting better Not getting better

"Duality" I push my fingers into my eyes... It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache... But it's made of all the things I have to take... Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside... If the pain goes on... Aaaaaaaah! I have screamed until my veins collapsed I've waited as my time's elapsed Now, All I do is live with so much fate I've wished for this, I've bitched at that I've left behind this little fact: You cannot kill what you did not create I've gotta say what I've gotta say And then I swear I'll go away But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise I guess I'll save the best for last My future seems like one big past You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice Put me back together Or separate the skin from bone Leave me all the Pieces, then you can leave me alone Tell me the reality is better than the dream But I found out the hard way, Nothing is what it seemS All I've got...all I've got is insane... (THE WAY I FEEL ALOT OF TIMES)

"Alone I Break" I will make it go away can't be here no more Seems this is the only way I will soon be gone these feelings will be gone these feelings will be gone Now I see the times they change leaving doesn't seems so strange I am hoping I can find where to leave my hurt behind All this shit I seem to take all alone I seem to break I have lived the best I can Does this make me not a man? Shut me off I am ready, Heart stops I stand alone Can't be on my own Now I see the times they change leaving doesn't seems so strange I am hoping I can find where to leave my hurt behind All this shit I seem to take all alone I seem to break I have lived the best I can Does this make me not a man? Am I going to leave this place? What is it I'm running from? is there nothing more to come? (am I Gunna leave this place?) Is it always black in space? Am I going to take it's place? Am I going to leave this race? (Am I going to leave this race?) I guess god's up in this place? what is it that I've become? is there something more to come? (more to come) Now I see the times they change leaving doesn't seems so strange I am hoping I can find where to leave my hurt behind All this shit I seem to take all alone I seem to break I have lived the best I can Does this make me not a man? (I'd like to take the credit, but the lyrics belong to Korn)

...And the great dragon bled from the inside out. His heart now failing because of a simple human emotion...Love. How many times must I endure the solitude after bearing my heart to ones that tear it to shreds with their talons of deceit and treachery? As I look back now, I wonder, how could I have deluded myself into thinking that these human women would ever truly love an old ugly neverworld creature such as I. We live in two different worlds, them and me. They live in their world of what they realize to be a reality, when in fact it is not. My world IS the world of reality...pain, hunger, lost loves, depression. I have finally come to realize that I will never again know the warmth and love of a good woman. Being used hurts this old dragon's heart so very much....

some days life just gets so damn boring anymore. Ever have the strange feeling that you were out of your body and watching as an innocent bystander from a distance? In centuries past, the Ancient One has felt that way many times...too numerous to count or mention. Sometimes I have the uncanny ability to do it just as a release from this void in life. Or lifetimes... Ah, to just once feel the actual sting of Death's sweet hand on my shoulder beckoning me home. What a glorious day that will be in the story of this old de-humanified dragon. To ride the gossamer wings of Death's angel and look into the void and the expanse of time after lifetimes. To laugh in glorious wonder at those who think they have it all figured out already and are yet barely from their teens. Hahahaha. To livie as I have lived, and cheated Death his just rewards so many times; only now to allow him full control and reign over my soul. To allow him to take me from this cold, bitter humanized world and plant my feet anew on grounds where the other Ancients have been carefully lain.

...and the dragon wept. Sitting amongst the ashes and ruins of what society had caused to well up inside him. He had burst forth, full-faced and screaming into the abyss that is this world. No one in their right mind would have or could have even imagines that this world harbored such a creature as himself. Lurking in the dark shadows, he studied his prey with a daily diligence. Hoping to find at least one glimmer of hope to save this place that he had loved so passionately. But alas, like Lot and Sara, there is none that is worthy of the escaping the disastrous effects of the Ancient One. The Unnameable. The Unspeakable. The Dragon....

At some point before I expire from this life, I would appreciate the opportunity to take off this face I have to wear day in and day out. To show the entire world what an unspeakable monster that they have created in me over the years. To show the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness that is the true me... Every morning I must adjust this old guise so as not to offend anyone during the course of an earthly day. To show them smiles, and tell them jokes, to hide the suffering. My life, as it is, is simply a series of mundane gestures and idiotic comments designed to amuse a few; annoy all others.