Immie's blog: "Randoms"

Hey you all.. hope things are going great for you guys that actually take the time to read my thoughts on here...as for my last blog (just the video one) i like to share my music with you all from time to time and if you want to comment or add your own that would be perfect!

I am recently preparing the arrival of one of my best friends from WV on friday.. im so excited since i have not seen her physically since 05.... so im very excited... im tryin to get everything together but on top of that my stokyness ( ha ha new Liz word) has got it to where im so excited i cant sleep hardly....oh well...

The other night i got in contact with a longtime friend that i had not heard from for like what.... 6 years... i met her threw amtgard which was something that me and my ex husband used to do every sunday.... and everything came out... apparently she felt the need to tell me she was sorry for something that had happened while Rob and I was married... seems that Robbie emailed her... and from what i gathered it was not a nice email... it was more of in a cheating sense.... and i had no idea about it what so ever... imagine that... but she felt the need to clear the air and what not... then proceeded to explain some things to me about another man that she and i had both kinda been involved with, before i go any further i would like to say this... i never cheated when Robbie and I was married.... and that this other man was a year after my divorce and i was single... anyways..... she told me of her past with him and what had happened and i then told her what i endured with him before i met my husband and what not... so after all this yanno the next night i speak with her again letting her know that i had thought alot about things we had talked about and she came back saying "yanno me too and i just cant be friends with someone who is going to bring up my past everytime we talk and blah blah blah" and my response was this: "ok that is fine but please keep in mind that i was not the one who mentioned past issues.. you were the one who felt the need to "clear the air" and tell me things my ex did while he and i was married which i personally find pretty shitty that you did not tell me before.. and then proceed to tell me what happened between you and .... which personally dont care cuz he is nothing but a pile of shit in my book anyways... now im not going to beg you to be my friend and when i said i thought about what we had talked about i was referring to how great it was just to speak to you again... to have you has a friend... but it seems to me you need time to think to see if you want to continue our friendship or end it... but let me tell you this... if you decide not to continue it.. then that is pretty shitty because you wont get a chance to know the person i am now and the person i have become... i am totally different from what you knew when i was with Rob... i have grown and matured... and for once i love myself" and with that i got nothing but silence... and i havent heard from you since.... so go figure.... i mean if its the past why can it not stay there? i mean.. i had thought i was a good friend to her then yanno... and i honestly think im a good friend to the friends i have now... i mean i would give anything to anyone if they need it.. i cannot stress this enough and i know that my husband is the same... some people just really make me wonder....i wish for one day i could go threw peoples minds.... to see how they truely function....

lets see what else has been going on..... wow for once i cant think of anything LOL go figure.. me with no thoughts.... i just wish i could sleep.. my insomnia is getting worse and worse and its killing me... i want to be normal... get up early... then bed at a decent time....but my body wont function like that....i think what it is i have all these thoughts going threw my mind... and then on top of that i have my life worries... and then i have the worries of the future.... craziness i tell you!

so i started going on Facebook here recently... not bad... alot of people i thought i lost contact with i found... and some of them have just blown me away yanno... like totally.. wow...some i have reconnected with and some i have let go... same on here too... i just let them go... im not begging for anyones friendship anymore.... and if i have to let them go and delete them from whatever social site im on i will do that.... tonight i had to do that with a friend of almost 15 years... i ended that friendship... it was hard and i cried ... because i always thought that friendship was a strong one since i was there for him when he needed it ... andd there for his family too....but i guess since i moved and all he no longer has time to at least say hi to me... and when i spoke to him this evening... i realized... he has forgotten those that was there for him most when he needed them... he forgot who would be there when he would shed his tears over his nephew and everything like he did with me... he treated me like i didnt exsist at all tonight and it broke my heart... so i said to him... i have no regrets in our friendship... but since this was the path he choose i would not longer be there since he cannot even take a moment to say hi.. what was the worst was... he didnt know i got remarried and he had no idea that i almost lost my mother to cancer last year.... and here i have been sitting here worried about his family and him... what the fuck is wrong with people these days??? why do they forget the ones that sacrificed things for them....the ones that never forget them...so... i just did what was best so that he wouldnt feel like an asshole and so that i would feel the hurt...

i dont know i have just been the one who hates being ignored or forgotten... i know that sounds bad...but i just came to the realization... we are all the different... and what i might feel for a friend just isnt the same... unless they tell me or show me otherwise... and i have also learned not to take promises to heart for they are only made to be broken in most cases....but what i need to learn is to stop taking things literal...and for once just to let go... and i think from this point on its gunna be like that.... im just going to let those go that have let me go....omg how crazy does that sound??? it may not make sense to you the reader but in my mind it makes tremendous sense....

oh well... i think i should go to bed or at least try.... that is if i can get into my bed LOL my bed monster has attacked again LOL bless his heart...

love you guys!