frame of mind
its been interesting to say the least. i managed to accomplish alot in the last few wks and its def been an elightening exp. some unfourtunate losses in the past couple months as well. some out of anyones control...but i feel others are completely in my control and i let the better of my emotions get to me. im not saying all responsibilies lie on me but for the most part i had alot to do with it...and i have been struggling with things that dont make sense to me and of course like any human being when something becomes consuming enough to the point where u feel emotionally drained you do one of 2 things...get mad at the ppl that dont deserve it...and withdrawn completely from any and everyone who loves you...and all basically because maybe someone that u feel close with only wants you to be soo close...and at first that upset me...but as i withdrew and stayed away i was hit with a quote that floored me....and it still haunts me...because it comes down to really one thing
"I guess you have to decide, is the part of themselves that they are willing to share with you better than not having them at all"
but i have to get out of this habit of seeing things as if my perspective was being seen...i have to stop seeing things for only face value...i go through life with the thinking that there should be a beginning a middle and an end to every scinereo...and sometimes...its not always about the ending....its about the journey...i lost that somewhere along the road...blinded by my own insecurities.
I do long for the day tho....to be someones important. to kno that someone in this world aside from my own family, that accually wakes in the morning happy to kno that i am involved in thier lives...i get to witness it alot in life but never fully understood that concept on a personal level. however i do also realize there are some people in this world that are just destined to be alone through these times and i think i might be finally ok with that. not everyone needs someone to hold onto to feel safe. not everyone needs to run to someone else...some people are self sufficiant and that in society is perfectly accptable...in fact it takes some unwanted stress off of those who feel brought down by personal projected feelings....idk like i said its been a very confusing couple of wks and i have learned alot from the experiences i have been witness to...everyone is searching for something...the questions is...what is mine?
