Ok these 4 letters were written to 4 completely different people. I chose not to put the names on there cuz frankly it doesn't matter. If you think one of these might be to you, message me. I will tell you. :)
This is Letter 1.
Dear You,
I normally don't like going about it like this. It is rather impersonal and without human touch. Yet, I have felt it forth coming in my mind that I should tell you of my dreams and the emptiness that has filled my heart. I could have looked another way. Openness has never been my forte'. It has always troubled me that I cannot open so quickly yet I wear my heart on my sleeve. I yearn for the attention of you. First words are never much. A simple "Hello. How are you?" was concieved. You followed me with quiet looks and silent words at the beginning. Ours was a friendship that spoke nothing but was something. Every word that trickled from you lips, I gathered and scored across my brain, allowing the meanings to set in. Each tumble of my thoughts, you heard and quietly encased. Yet, something seemed jaded. There was a piece that did not fit.
Each step toward the door is dragged along by some resistance. I dare not take many steps, because my legs are too fragile for the burden. But what do I find, as I come up to the door? It is locked from me. Why? I do not know. You allowed me so close and then turned me away. I wondered if I pushed too much or not hard enough. Silly me! Of course it's not me. I have given what I could give without allowing you my heart. What fool do you make of me, to allow such frivolity against my emotions? You would want in but shut your doors to me?
"Time is of the essence." The statement rings so true. You could have me with a word, a smile and a song. But pushing I dare not do, for I am tired of pushing. Tired of you. Tired of waiting for what is next.
Allow me this impatience for I can voice it loud. You could be my shelter, my comfort in my mind. You could have been my dream - as hopeful as they come. I have given up on hope. I use to believe it was true. It sounds like my heart has bled all over my sleeve. Actually it's just the remains of sorrow that has been left. I do hope you read this and allow my words in.
I care for you. I have just given up on believing.
Yours Truly,
Me
Letter 2
Dear You,
Again you drag me into this realm that I chose not to be in, a thought of nothing which has exploded in my mind to actually be something. I have tried fighting it, but each time the tide keeps rushing back and silent movies play over and over again through my head. I cannot find the stop button.
Why must it continue like this? A feeling of helplessness with each sound the phone makes. A weakness against the brain as my fingers reach for the source. The static - a crackle of energy, whispering your presence in my ear. Do you know your voice continues to haunt my soul? Each time the tenor chimes on my heart, dragging and plucking at the strings. Can you not hear the ache as my words seem quiet and shadowed?
"I am fine. Life is okay."
Do you need to know what I am doing? Where I am going? Who has taken my heart now? With each given second, emotions creep up from the bellows of my stomach, simmering and collecting remorse with passion. I am shaken. The earth beneath my feet can no longer hold my thoughts. Endless chatter can only lead to one direction...back to the beginning. Tying to leave well enough alone. I am trying. I wonder but I push my ideas away. You must know what I will ask. I know why you call.
"I miss you, too."
I cannot lie to you. I stay true to my heart. It bleeds a little, but staying so strong. Only I can control it. You ask for reassurance.
"Yes, I am fine."
But why do you want to know? What area am I filling for you? Doesn't she do that for you? Or are there troubled waters in the area you bask in?
Stop. I cannot be your run-too. Our life that was once is now over. Closing that door took so much. I have no strength left. My arms, my mind, my heart is weak from the loss. Let all be happy. You are hers now, not mine.
"You still love me?"
Oh god, I still love you, too. I can hear it in your voice. Can you hear it in mine? Why do we do this? I can not be there any longer. Letting go is so hard, but the weight has no meaning any longer. I am closed. Our chapter, our novel is done. You say to call you sometime.
"I can't. I hope you understand."
I am letting our love go.
Yours Truly,
Me
Letter 3
Dear You,
It has been a while since I have come around. I have been playing myself scarce around you lately. It comes to that only because it drives me insane to think of you. I have begun to move past you, to not think of you when I need you the most. My bed feels empty. My arms feel like a void. But to each his own. I have learned to realize that you are not there anymore. It is ok and I have moved on. I have begun to look elsewhere.
The land is full and plenty of willing members waiting to jump at the chance to fulfill my dreams. They are like the arrow to my bow as I shot throw the battle of dating. It is a willing game. Matched and played out like cutes and ladders. Each one dancing along the spaces and landing on areas to go up in favor or go down in dismay. Tis quite fun actually. I play the game well. I am not too open and not to giving. But wait, I am too open and I am too giving. I cannot deny that I long for the touch of human hands upon me. That the feel of another's lips upon mine would bring me to solitary fulfillment of the utmost. To be held in the darkest of nights when I wake up alone and reaching for someone....It would be nice....
I look for someone to share this with now. I do not compare him with you. For you are your own self and you own person. I need to treasure that, to not let anyone take what you had been for me to the next level of my existence. I know that he must be fair, kind, considerate, understand that I am not perfect, That I am not the one that always knows the answers, That I do occassionally screw up. I do need him to be able to hold me in times of need, to kiss me when my lips are cold and in need of warming, to grant me solitude when needed. I need him to know that my imperfections are what make me, that my emotions can get the best of me, that I am something to fight for.
I am willing to listen. to bask in his knowledge, to hold him to a level of enlightment as long as he sees me just the same. I would give him the comfort of my arms, my heart and my solitary emotion of light if only he gives a bit of himself, to learn me, to feel me and understand my ways. And this I give because I am able to give now. I hope you understand.
Sincerly,
Me
And finally Letter 4
Dear You,
I don't need to be saved. That's right. You heard me. I DO NOT need you to save me. I have been opening many doors, looking for my savior, looking for my knight in shining armor to whisk me off and slay my dragons, but in the end it was me who picked up the sword. I do not need your pity either. I do not need you. I am fine with out the hassle. My doors have finally started to swing shut. I hear the lock of each as I leave gathering my things, dropping a few on the way. A trinket here, a memory there. I can move on. I can gather my feet and run down the hall to the exit. WOW! I can even laugh at my own self and the stupidity I have endured.
Watch as I shed my layers! I am finding out who I am. My desires, my mind, my sexuality. I am my own muse. Each layer has started to shed baring a soul that use to hide. But now it comes forth because I finally don't care what you think.
Here I am!!!! Take me for what I am and for what I do. I am everything you want and everything you want to be. I am a riddle to you, a puzzle that is so complex that you want nothing more than to solve it. But wait, I am just me. A simple, complex, confusing, sweet and unique girl. Can you understand that? Can you understand me? Oh, but that common denominator that allows for all screw ups? ME! It takes two... Remember that. You must think this is all confusing. Must be the jumble of words and thoughts flowing at once, the lashing and outspoken language pouring. I write like this. I say my thoughts. My mind is faster than my tongue. But see my tongue has better things to do.
I have learned so far that I am closing one door at a time. Each door has lead me to different things, different people. One door leads me to this person. He collected arrowheads he found himself. One door lead me to this person. She got pissy drunk one night and lashed out in her bi-polar way losing a few good friends. The green door over there, it leads me to a rare person who taught me more than anyone else ever had. The purple door held my past. The door near the end holds the man who opened me up to a place I had never been. The yellow door held the knight and my dreams. The white one held you.
Oh But there are so many other doors. The one over here holds my family. I love visiting them as much as I can. The funky spiral one over there in the corner opens to me as my friends stand there. There are many doors that remain open to me. New ones gradually creep open, peering out at me and beckoning a call to come in. I want to see and learn more. Can you see the understanding?
As I loose each layer, Each step becomes light, and I am almost toward the door. I can see it. Can you? My hand tightens on the sword. I don't need anyone to save me. I can fight my own battles, better than you ever could. My mind is clear. My heart is light. I am a master of my own making.
Yours Truly,
Me
