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LiL Devil's blog: "for now"

created on 06/24/2007  |  http://fubar.com/for-now/b95197

inside of her

She sits alone in a dark corner of a room, with her back against the wall. Her knees pulled to her chest, one arm wrapped around them, and the other propped on one knee with her head in her hand. She so alone in this abandoned room in her heart where love once lived. A single tear escapes her eyes, rolls down her cheek, and falls on her jeans leaving its mark. She feels a small breeze blow her hair. She slowly looks up and stares into the darkness. She knows she’s not alone in the room, or at least that’s what she hopes, so deeply for. She breaks the silence after mustering up all her strength and says with a broken and tearful voice “is it all really worth it? Is the end result of all this really worth all this pain and all the tears I‘ve cried?” She stares into the darkness and awaits a reply from who or whatever is there, but of courses she receives none. As she stares into the darkness she knows she’s staring Fate, Karma, Destiny, or whatever you want to call in the face, knowing its there but refusing to reveal itself to her tear filled eyes. As she sits there in the corner, back to the wall, knees to her chest, arm around them, head in hand, she lets out a sigh and tiny cry. Then she lets her arm fall to her knees, and lays her head down on them she cries, in her broken voice “when will it be over? I’m so ready to give up.” Again she feels the breeze blow her hair slightly, almost like a someone pushing it back behind her ear, as if destiny was trying to comfort her, and give her some faith in what the future holds. Again she cries into the lone darkness “is it worth all this? Is what the future holds for us really truly worth all this? Please answer me!” She takes a deep ragged breath and brokenly cries “please.” Then she breaks down completely. She feels her warm tears fall from her eyes, as the roll down her cheeks, a few pass over her lonely lips, but they all make their way to her quivering chin and fall to her jeans. Each tear leaving a mark, while some of the stains run together, they each still leave a distinctive mark just like all the painful breaks in her tender heart, so full of love. She waits for an answer from the person who isn’t there, but she still wishes he was and hopes one day maybe he will be. Until that day she’ll sit there in the dark corner of the empty room in her heart with tear filled eyes that no one knows she cries for they don’t see them because she’ll never show the world her pain. She’ll keep her beautiful smile and lying eyes on the outside while she’s broken inside.

written by my friend liz

took this from my friend liz cuz well sometimes i feel the way she's talking about and have the same questions in my head. (fubar name to liz is one sexy honey) WHY? Why do I fall in love? Why do I even try? Why is it so important to be in love? These are a few of many questions people ask themselves almost everyday. These people including myself are the walking wounded, unable to be loved and I all I can ask is why? Why do I put myself up for failure? Why do I believe the lines guys say? I want love.....I believe thats why I fall for anyone that is nice to me... Why do I even make theses mistakes over and over again? Where is this getting me? Everyone says it is just one step closer in finding "The One." Humm, "The One" for as many times I've fell in and out of love I am starting to think that there is no such person as "The One." I know I should look up and ask...Why me?, Why do I derserve this?. Why does no one love me? But instead I hold my chin up high and keep looking forward. I am trying to be optomistic and paitient for for how long? How long can I keep my Faith up in finding a great guy? All these questions constinantly run through my mind, but for nowI will keep moving forward with a smile on my face. And at night when I lay in bed and place my head on my pillow...I will always ask WHY? as I drift off to sleep...

Back.....

Back…. 6/24/07 There are things I wanna say but I cant figure out how To say them to you without hurting At least one of us. I love you, I truly do and you say You love me too. In fact you were the one to say it first. But then after a short time you Tried to run but something wouldn't Let you get very far from me. I however was going to let you run as far As you needed to without standing in your Way because after all that Is what you do when love something right? “Let it go and if it comes back its yours.” Yet I'm beginning to wonder if you Ever truly came back to me. For you see in the beginning we could Talk for hours on end about everything And anything. Yet now I feel as though you are Leaving me out in the rain And just simply shutting me out. I can't stand this feeling, I know you've Asked “what's wrong” so many times And time and time again i've said “Nothing I'm fine“. I want this feeling to go away. I want things to be like they were before, before 'i love you' was said. Most of all I just want you back, I feel as though I have lost you but I don’t Know how or why it happened. Was it something I did, said, Didn’t do, or didn’t say? Baby please talk to me and tell me what’s Wrong, so we can work on Fixing it before its too late for us.
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