For anyone who actually read through all of that, god help you, as i have sat here for the past hour, reading through it myself. It's amazing how i feel no differently... i wish i still had the pass codes and stuff to my really old accounts... i can't even remember some of them... not even the website addresses.... you would be amazed how much drama has happened w/ lindon... one journal was when we were together, and split up. It's crazy.... reading through all of those really made me sad... i realixed truly how long i have been going through that drama and bullshit with lindon... it amazes me...
even last night he tells me "we should get together sometime soon".... like i am, just, his, personal fucking whore. And thats why I dislike sex so much. It's stupid. It's weird how like, all he will say is, "come to me" (not exactly in those words) but I do... I always fucking do... and why?!?!? I have no idea.... I think i shall compare him to heroin. Because, truly, that is what he is like in my life... maybe I'm not in love with him... maybe it's turned into some sort of obsession... would I even be happy with him if i were to be dating him? Ya know he asked me that one time, not all that long ago... I think it would be like, being a tornado chaser, chasing this tornado, and all it turns out to be is one of those dust tornados... (i saw one in texas one time) is he like a dust tornado? I don't know. Is that what I'm chasing? Fuck if i know... all i know is i can't get over him... this has been going on for almost 7 years... (the being in love w/ him thing)... the chasing him thing almost 5 years... and why!??!? I have no idea. Nor will I ever. I dunno... i am too stressed due to an un-related subject to continue....
