For My Dad..... Blog by pdrbt
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pdrbt's blog: "For My Dad....."

created on 03/19/2007  |  http://fubar.com/for-my-dad/b66163
I know I havent posted anything in awhile let alone a blog but this is my final entry in this blog... My dad died on Feb 9, 2008.... Its taken me this long to try to come to grips with it and its not been easy... My mom, sister and daughter are still reeling from this blow and Im not sure if my kid will ever truly get over it... As for me, I am surviving and pressing on as anyone else would do but I still feel the emptiness and a profound sense of loss from this...Time will tell if any of us get over the significant loss... No more talks about sports and no more chess games...Was fun while it lasted... EOL
"The innocence slips away." This, for all intents and purposes, is a tribute to the remnants of my Dad and his waning health... He is suffering from Alzheimers and is progressively getting worse as the days go by...Its a rough way to go, especially watching him struggle and strain to make complete sentences and remember all the things he cant...His brain is systematically shutting down and dying and he is losing himself in the process... I have come to terms with the eventuality he will no longer remember who I am and who his granddaughter is...The few times I have gone to see him, he has struggled to recall who I am and has needed help in jogging his memory... I do this simple act, not to release myself from the burdens and suffering I have had to endure over the years at his hands, but to remind myself and never lose the memory of the fact that he was my dad...In simplest terms, he wasnt the best dad in the world but he was all I had... Thru him I have fought the GOOD fight but I am now worn and haggard from the stresses and pain of trying to help my family keep their wits and sanity about them thru all this...I have not had time to worry about my own.... All this will hit my daughter the hardest because her and my dad have always been close, since day one and all she knows is that her g'pa is very sick...I fear the day when I have to explain to her what has happened and watch the tears well up in her eyes from the realization that things will never go back to what they once were...My hear t already aches from that and I havent gotten to that bridge yet... So in honor of my dad, I put this video here, "Time Stand Still" by RUSH in honor and in memory of what my dad once was, of what he used to be...Its a fitting tribute to him for what he once was... Will the pain ever end? I cannot bear the pain and stress any longer...
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