An old proverb states, "Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one
eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to
someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low-self esteem
make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,
and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or
that what you see as faults aren't really that
important.
Once you decide to commit to someone -- over time
their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and
differences will become more obvious. If you love your
mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let
every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and
strengths. You are two unique individual children of
God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect
for each other? Do you bring out the best in each
other? Do you compliment and compromise with each
other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What
do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past
relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You
can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If
you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a
life," you won't find yourself making someone else
responsible for your happiness or responsible for your
pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,
healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking
status, sex, wealth and security are the wrong reasons
to be in relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong? Communication,
Intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household
tasks, some getaway time without business or children;
daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a
call, a touch, a note).
Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice
email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is
important. Grow together, not away from each other,
giving each other space to grow without feeling
insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest.
You can't always be together. Give each other a sense
of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try
to control one another. Learn each others family
situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember, for Richer or for Poorer. If these qualities
are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty,
and pain replace the passion. "Nurture your mind with
great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than
you think."
