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Little Engine's blog: "First times"

created on 03/23/2007  |  http://fubar.com/first-times/b67249

Relocation and Marriage.

Well, a lot of things have been put into motion recently. Some good, some bad, others ambiguous. Depends on who's viewing the things and in what context. So here goes: I am divorced finally. In ways it is a great thing, in some it is sad. I figure for me, it is a new beginning in my life. I am hoping that it doesn't cause resentment from my children or my family later on down the line. I also feel that if people know me well enough, they know this was something that I had to do. I feel it was best for myself and for Chad. I know it is presumptuous to be saying I know what is best for someone else, but I feel that we are both happier people without each other. The only sadness coming from this is the separation of my children from their father. They love him dearly and I hope they always will. I feel sad that they miss him, but I hope eventually they will be happy that we are not together and happier apart than if we were together and wound up hating each other. For the Relocation...I'm moving to Arkansas, or I should say WE are. My children and my fiance, JT, are moving up north to live in nice home with my soon-to-be in-laws. I hope that things work out wonderfully up there. The distance is going to be tough, as I'm sure I will miss my mom and dad and my sis. I love my family very much, but I'm sure they understand my need to start out anew somewhere else. I have to live my own life and make choices that I think are best for my family. In this case, I think moving and starting over somewhere else is the better thing. I can't afford to live here any longer...I'm spreading myself thin with school for me and for the kids and with a possible daycare for Gavan. It's a lot of gas, child care money, and time to put into living here. I would like for some of those things to be simplified in my life. Living 5 minutes from the kids' school and 10 from mine give me that simplicity. Also, as I said, it is a new start. Which brings me to the third change in my life...marriage. I am engaged as most of you readers know, and I will finally be taking the next step with JT...getting married. I feel this move is going to help us as newlyweds, beginning a life away from what we're used to and from people that might try to tell us what to do. I'm just finally feeling satisfied with myself. I finally feel like someone loves me completely and for me. I feel like I'm cared for and safe. I love those feelings and hope to feel them with JT forever. He is one of the most generous and loving people I know. I hope you all wish me luck and happiness... Thanks to those that do. As for the kiddos, they are excited about moving and the marriage. I've told them what it all involves and they are thrilled that we are going to live in a nice big home with enough room for each of them to have their own space to play. Also they approve of the idea of JT being their Stepdad...I hate that term, and hopefully eventually they will not think of him as a step anything. They will just consider him family. They have already adopted JT's parents and sister as Grandparents and Aunt. So I think it won't be that hard of a change. I hope not anyways. Well that is the best update I can give for now. I hope that everyone is doing well! Always, Nina (TURNER)

Having sex

Who remembers the first time they had sex/made love/banged, whatever you call it. (Lost their virginity) Did it mean something or was it just to get the cherry popped? Did you love the person? Do you remember everything about it or anything at all? Do you think you'd do it again if you had the chance? How old were you? I am just curious. I was 15 with my first and I regret starting that early. I remember most of it, and it was with a guy that I loved and cared for and spent 3 years with, so it hurt really bad when he cheated on me and we broke up. holler at me if you wanna answer this one. I really would like to know. :) Me

Standing in the Rain

Ever thought of standing in the rain as a good pasttime? I guess seeing that I don't ever do it, I wouldn't know if it is or not. But I have always wanted to go outside and just sit in the rain while it pours over me. Kind of like a cleansing feeling. I see people on tv getting their shirts all soaked and hair plastered to their faces, but they seem so sublimely happy when they stand under the falling rain. I wish it were that easy. Guess I won't ever find out unless I try it huh? So anyone ever tried it and found it to be gratifying? Or any other feeling?

Setting up House

Well, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. We live in a nice house in a small town and we pay light rent. But...We are 45 minutes away from all civilization. My boyfriend works 45 mins away, and my school is in another town 45 minutes away, and my kids school is ...guess...yep.. 45 minutes away. So our conundrum here is whether to stay in this house...which we can buy, or move closer to our schools and job. I vote for moving closer, since gas prices got so high it is almost the same as moving into a house and paying twice as much in rent. My fiancee thinks that staying in this house is smarter because it is so much cheaper living in Oklahoma than Texas (which is where all of our stuff is). I think after all the expenses with gas, it comes out to about the same and the only thing we have to argue about is the time it takes to get from one place to the other. It is a LONG ass trip to go to work and school. The time we spend on the road could be time spent sleeping for goodness sake. I would love to spend the time that he is on the road coming back from work, with him. So we argue over it. The house we live in is VERY nice. We pay an insanely small rent payment, and our utilities never go much over 200 bucks. So we are usually on top of everything, but our gas takes up all our spending money so it's not that different. Anyway, I'm being redundant. Just a little thing that is on my mind. I want to be able to come home and not be dead tired from driving. *sigh* I'm done bitching now. :)
Do you ever remember when you were a kid and you wanted to roll in the grass when it got all green and soft? I was thinking the other day when I was driving home, that I wanted to lay down in the grass and just stare up at the clouds, but then all that stuff that I had to do for the rest of the day got all involved, and I realized I have grown too old to just sit around staring at the clouds while laying in the grass. Isn't that sad, when you sit there thinking about something that sounds simple and easy and fun, and realize it would complicate everything else you have in your life that is already scheduled out. Sometimes we just have to sit down and do the simple things. I think complications that come from simple things are worth the trouble most of the time. That one moment I could have taken to relax and stare at the clouds, could have gotten me some time to think about things and not stress out so bad. Instead while I'm laying in bed, I can't sleep because I'm so stressed out about the things going on in my life that I can't blank out my mind. Then when I finally DO fall asleep, I have nightmares. Sucks. I think I should take time out next time and just lay in the grass. Metaphorically speaking that is, I don't have time for actually finding a patch of grass! ;) Just kidding. Well, this is my first blog, so be gentle.
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