Hey ya'll! I decided I should get on and write a message sort of en masse since I haven't been able to respond to many of you for a bit now... I'm very sorry, friends, I've been busy lately and when I'm home... well... just not feeling the CT thing much. I recently had an experience that kind of shook me up, and though all is well I just need to be elsewhere for now. I seem to be having deja vu... I disabled my shoutbox a few days back as well, just so I could get caught up - you're all very distracting when you say hello! I just kept falling farther behind... Ya know how I hate the box! ;p I feel sort of pretensious and wierd giving updates like this, but there are those of you who may be wondering why I haven't written you back, and I just wanted to let you know it's not personal. =) In other news... life is good, work is picking up so I'm not bored (turns out I'm getting audited next week at work, good times...), and I'm finally getting through my latest book... I know, my life is simply riveting. ;p I hope you're all well! Many hugs for all...

Well.... I guess I always did want to be in the Spotlight. ;p I remember a family member of mine blogging about the spotlight a while back and how it sucks because the bids have gotten so high that most peeps can't bid. I remember agreeing with him, and I still do. But it's still fun to win. This reminds me of the only time I ever bid at an art auction and won the piece of art I wanted. My cousin let out a whoop and I must admit that I let out a big "Hoooray!" I was really really excited about the artwork I was taking home.... but the moment of actually winning was a big rush. This isn't quite the same... I don't get to take anything home and put it on my wall. And I actually have to look at my own face all day long (and don't argue with me about this, I don't care if you LOVE to look at yourself) which no one likes unless they're Narcissus. But I just keep coming back to that old tried and true.... I sure do like winning. =)=)=)

I went shopping with my mom today up at this huge outlet mall to try to find her some new red wine goblets that I had promised her ages and ages ago. We found them after hours and hours of searching, yay! But of course no woman can go shopping and just look in the dish stores... ;) (Okay, okay, ladies don't yell at me, we're not aaalll the same, I know.) So we did the rounds and at one point ended up in a cosmetics store. As my mom bought the lipstick she found I perused the perfume section. Now, I am not a big perfume girl. When I was younger my dad was very into cologne and would often buy me perfume, but at some point along the way I just lost interest. I bathe regularly, I use a lot of products that have scent so I just don't want to cloud the issue. I do have an Aqua De Gio that I love (smells clean) and use for special occaisions, and also this lovely lavendar spray from my favorite store, L'Occitane en Provence. But usually it's just me and my deoderant. =) I have no idea what made me do it, but I picked up this bottle (I think it was called Youth Dew), thinking that it would be a fairly clean scent that I might enjoy.... and just sprayed away. I can still taste it. Eeeewwwwwwwwww! I'm currently (well, two minutes ago and in about 45 seconds) cleaning house, paying bills, and writing cards to family, and all I can think about is this nasty fucking smell that is following me around whereever I go. I've washed my hands four times. Still there. I think I may have to go take a shower and change my clothes. My left wrist (where I sprayed it originally) is rubbed raw right now and is red and pulsing. Just a little moment in the life of Jenn. ;p

Lately I've had a few inquiries regarding some preferences of mine, as well as some questions about women in general. I thought to myself, "self, maybe we should put it in a blog". Er.... did I say "we"..... damn. ;p The main question I get is why I prefer not to see men's NSFW stuff right off the bat. There was one man who was pretty offended that I had some posted of myself but wouldn't come and see his. At first I was a little taken aback, but when I thought about it I understood it more. The easy answer would be to say that I'm an exhibitionist and not a voyeur. But it's really not that simple. I'm NOT a true exhibitionist, I don't like to get naked or have sex in public, that doesn't get me excited. People who like my pics do though.... and sometimes the thought of having sex somewhere I COULD get caught is fun, but if I actually were caught I would be mortified. And I do have a little voyeur in me, I do enjoy the site of an attractive naked man..... but he has to be someone who's already peaked my interest or already turned me on. Here's a basic male vs female thing. Men are visual creatures. Generally the site of a naked or otherwise provocative female is arousing for them. Duh. Women however are wired different. And I swear I'm not making this up (someone thought I was and I keep promising I'm not, he really really thinks this is BS, but wtf? he's a man how the hell would he know?!), though I'm sure it doesn't apply to every female on the planet.... as a general rule here's the deal: women are cerebral creatures. You must engage OUR MINDS. I'm not saying we're all wanting Shakespeare... But it's all about what we think is happening or think is going to happen.... Now what any one specific woman WANTS to happen is specific to her alone. Me, I like intelligent conversation. I like smart asses. I like humor. It may take a month, it may take a week, a day, or even an hour or a few minutes, but a man who can peak my interest non-sexually by getting me thinking or laughing has me relaxed enough to open up sexually. Now as to why I understood where he was coming from, it's simple. People generally give what they like. In sexual play, especially in first encounters, people will do to the other person what turns themselves on.... makes perfect sense. You don't know what they want, but you know what you want so maybe that's what they want too. Sorry, poor sentence, but I hope you get the idea. It's a good trick to know because you can guess that if someone is sucking away on your ears... they just may want you to suck on back. This guy really liked seeing my pictures so he assumed he would return the favor. In his mind, why on earth WOULDN'T I want to see? Flirting is hard on the internet, I get that. Things you can say with eyes or body language are completely blocked out, sometimes you have to come right out and say that you're attracted to someone. But just shouting out into the shoutbox world that you want to fuck someone and they should go look at your pics isn't flirting.... to me it feels pretty invasive. I've never asked anyone to look at my pictures. I have informed a few interested parties that there were some there, but that's about it. But if my mind isn't completely engaged then looking at a pic of a limp naked dude sitting at his computer is just.... sad. Whereas the same guy by saying hello and using the brain god gave him could probably get me to look at that same picture and say THAT'S HOT! It's just like foreplay dudes. And if you don't know what that is then I probably can't help you.... ;p You can't just stick it in, you have to heat up the oven first. I'm sure there are quite a few women (especially on this site) who will make a liar out of me. And if you find one and that's what you're looking for then I'm so happy for you. But in general I think you can count this as a Basic Rule of Female Handling. ;)You know what I've noticed? The times when there's lots of foreplay, the man seems to have more fun too.... or at least a harder orgasm.

So I live in this really hilarious suburb. Seattle is mostly a town of suburbs, and there are quite a few truly lovely ones, some really scary ones, and some that are just... dated, I guess. Bothell "For a Day or a Lifetime" (seriously, it's on the town sign) is one of the dated ones. Main street is about 2.5 blocks long, there's a Safeway that still hasn't been remodeled, and there are a few scattered car lots near the major instersection of two highways in the area. I drive right through the center of it usually four times a day. The two and a half blocks of Main St. have assorted restaurants, Main St Alehouse, bakery, drycleaning, music (meaning instruments) store, etc. It's quaint, there are lots of trees and everything is decorated, there are banners that get put up for the holidays and for festivals and things. There are also these really wierd fake people painted on the outsides of the buildings, like they're the vendors standing there outside their shops. I think maybe they're not painted on the buildings, they are more like cardboard cut outs.... Very detailed, the baker is waiving.... These things scare the shit out of me. I catch them out of the corner of my eye and think, "SOMEONE'S STARING AT ME" or "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A PEDESTRIAN!" I think I'm about to run over someone usually four times a day, to and from work. And I think to myself, Dear God, I hope it's not a lifetime!

I just got home. It's a little after 9pm PST, and I'm hard pressed to think of more than 5 days I've worked this long in the last 4.5 years in this business. I think it's one of the best work days I've ever had. Like many companies, mine gives out a yearly bonus. Sadly for us upper management schmucks, we don't get paid out in December, we have to wait until February. So here it is, late January and we finally found out today what the bottom line is. My boss is absolutely fabulous and I love her to death, but sadly she's a little dingy and I didn't get the call to head down to her office (in a different city) until 5:45pm. Of course I was happy to go and sit in traffic for the good news, and certainly I was happy to find out how much richer I'd be in a few weeks. But the best part of the whole day was giving the news to my employee. I called him on my way over to his house to see if he wanted me to come invade his space and deliver the news, or if he just wanted to wait until tomorrow. He said he didn't care, if I wanted to go home that was fine, but since I am friends with his wife I really wanted to see her face when I told them the good news. I was greeted at the door by their three little attack munchkins. His daughters like to all pile on me at once, and after hugs and teddy bear kisses all around I was ensconced on the couch in front of the fire with a beer. I won't go into the whole process of me teasing him and witholding the info, or the way his wife wrung her hands.... But this man does not show surprise and his jaw dropped. His wife is a hard ass army brat and she doesn't show emotion, she teared up. When I told him that the reason he was getting so much is because he's fabulous and I can't possibly do my job without him, she actually cried. I like getting to play Santa. I swear I could do this any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Yep, it was a great long ass day.

Yep, that's right, I've been blocked! Woooo-hoooo!!! As far as I know, this is the first time anyone has ever blocked me, but maybe there are all sorts of people out there who hate me and I just don't know it yet. Granted, there are no few people who consistently rate me 1's, blah blah blah... but I don't think I've ever been blocked before. I was actually pretty pissed off at first and was ready to do Rant 2 in the Book of Jenn. But then I ate. And realizing that I literally had not eaten ALL DAY, last meal was last night around 7pm so almost 24 hours ago, I was a tad bit irritable. I ate. I feel much better now and more inclined to giggle. So here's what went down. This last weekend there was a glitch and all my settings were changed so no one could communicate with me. I got a few gifts from really nice people inquiring if everything was okay, and one "clue" from a jerk who just assumed I did it only to him. Anyway, this particular user sent me a shout a day or two ago telling me how freaked out they had been and were wondering what they did wrong and why would I block them. I wasn't home when they sent the shout so I didn't respond. It did seem that he had figured it out though, he said he was now so relieved... Anyway, today I get home and there's a shout that says (and I can't quote because I emptied the shoutbox... but here's the jist): "you know, jenn, i've always been nothing but nice and respectful i can't believe i've been ousted like this. well buh bye and take care." I tried to respond to see what the hell he was talking about and discovered: BLOCKED! I can only assume that since I have once again made two of my folders private that he decided he couldn't be friends with me anymore if he couldn't see my pussy or watch me suck dick. What's a girl to do these days when tits and ass aren't enough? =)=)=) hee hee - I say HALELUJAH!!!

So there's this story that I can't believe I haven't put on here yet. Well, I sort of can because it makes a certain person look pretty stupid in a very hilarious way. Then of course I realized that none of you know who this person is and I don't have to tell you. So, we'll just say this is a friend of mine from college and we'll call him Fred. This is a true telling of a conversation Fred and I had once. Enjoy. Fred: So, I have something kinda wierd to ask you. Me: Go for it. Fred: What does it feel like to pee out of that hole? Me (very confused look): Ummmm, which hole would that be? Fred (embarrased now): Well, you know, it's just that it's such a BIG hole... does it sort of drip out? How do you know when it's done? Me (laughing hysterically and not feeling bad about it one bit): We don't pee out of our VAGINA!! Fred (completely abashed and in total seriousness): What?! Do you pee out of your BUTT???!!! I'm not kidding. At this point I literally couldn't stand on my own two feet I was laughing so hard. Once I apologized for being a complete pratt, I patiently explained that women are special, that we have three holes and all that. Presumably he had no sexual education to speak of, he was from Utah (raised there in late 70's early 80's), so that sorta does make sense. Man, I'm not usually a fan of ignorance, but I must say it sure is hilarious sometimes....

Hello dear friends, I don't always start my blogs as a letter, in fact at the beginning I tried to make them as diary-ish as possible. Or even sometimes a venue for my frustrated artist soul. This one is more a letter because it's sort of a state of the union. Ooooh State of Jenn. How fucking hilarious is THAT? OMG, I'm making myself giggle. Okay. Seriously.... I am tired of sitting here at my dining room/office table. I don't know if it's the posture, the numbness in the arms and hands, or what. Lately, I walk by my computer and feel a sense of revulsion. Then guilt. How can I possibly walk by? There are people I miss, people I want to learn about, people I haven't even met yet...... Oh god, I'm so tired. And my book calls. Or maybe it's my couch. Probably both. I haven't had a couch worth the name to lounge on, nor have I had the draw of a television for well nigh almost 8 months now. It's a draining sort of release. I sit and sit and sit there too. I've read over 1,000 pages in the last two days. My favorite line so far has been: "Haven't you ever wanted to be free? To shed your name? To shed your very self?" I've wanted to shed myself for a few weeks now. I think I'll be back soon. This release has been very sweet. One of the funny things about this moment has been a friend of mine that I confided this feeling to. He said, "OMG, what about your ranking?" I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Yep, I'm an egoist. I love it that I'm ranked. As I've moved up through the ranks I've grinned to myself each day about it. I totally admit that. As I've fallen each day for the last few, I've shrugged and smiled. There are clearly many more people than I who are spreading a lot of love and deserve to be in a higher place than I. It's just not what I'm here for. It's fun, but it's not what I'm about. So thanks for looking out for me, friend. But if you think that's what will draw me back, you're wrong. I just need to breathe. And remember who I am. Why I'm here and if this is where I need to be. Dudes, I'm a CT addict. I'll be back. In fact, clearly, I already miss it. Here I am.

Hey Ya'll, Just FYI there are storm warnings for Seattle again. Snow, high winds. Fun stuff. Usually that means that the power's going to go out. Oh Joy. Realized that I haven't really blogged in a while, but now is not the time. Must get back to work! Have a great weekend, everyone!