Capt Weirdo to you's blog: "finishes last!"

what everyone needs is a guardian angel someone to tell them when they are down to get back up,when they hurt that it will go away, when they fall to clean the cuts,and when they need to give! i want to be that and i want that! if i never find it again then...............i have lost!

im done im sick of everytime i try to be nice i get hurt no matter how small the effort i get screwed! i ha ve very few friends that are true! im tired of being told one thing, and another happening ! i told my last g/f no matter what i'll be there! well she did coke. i drank liquor! and i got screwed! and thats just the way it always turns out 4 me! with every passing day the nice happy understanding mike that has always been is going away! i am trying to hold on but everytime i reach out for a life line it gets ripped away! danielle! you keep me afloat! you have been the best friend to me over all! and i love you for that! thank you! i think pretty much this whole rant is bacause i cant talk to you at the moment! i drunk! and hurting! and tired! noone else really seams to care! but you and like 1 or "maybe" 2 and they have known me 4 years anyhow!..........lol enough i shouldnt even post this because its a drunkin ramble!......lol but i will 4 atleast till i read it again........lol and realize how pathetic it sounds but this is me now so im posting it! fuck you if you dont like it fuck you if you think less of me ! i spend too much time worrying about how others think to care at THIS moment what anyone else thinks! im just letting the pressure out! so thank 4 reading that means you care enough to take the time! and if i said somethin to piss u off then oh-well! too bad! this will be gone anyhow in a few days!

i come home everynight after working to find a cold house! i have 2 wonderfull kids that i would love to be around but it isnt possible! i have a hart that just gets fuked over everytime i throw it out there! so i sit and drink! i want soo much more out of life but the onley thing that seems worth it to me is happiness! and what is happiness? money?.....no! power?........HELL NO! to me happines would be being in love and with someone that is willing to do as much 4 me as i would for them! to love,trust,help, and grow with me except my faults as i would theirs, and just grow as one! my whole life i havent done much to improve my financial well being, or to really do much of anything besides try to find true peace! well ive found peace within my self! i just havent found the other half of me to complete it! now as i grow older im finding myself slowly growing tired of searching. tired of being "the nice guy" tired of being what i always have found true of what makes me me! but im not quiting yet! one day i will find that perfect balance! one day i will find my other half! my kids mean soo much to me but they cant be here enough to fill the emptyness! my friends mean alot but not enough to make me truelly happy! all i have is my faith! my faih that it will get better! my faith that im destin to be alone my faith that i will find that perfect person were i can come in and make them feel like all the pieces finally feel into place! but with each day, with each week, with each year it is slowly chipped away! but as cheesie as it sounds my faith " which is all anyone truely has"! is becomeing finshed and what will be in the end will be unique and onley mine! but i hope i find what i have always searched for! my own love!