I came to a very basic conclusion today. One that I had been trying to convey yet hadn't found the right words for yet or the right example. It seems that 90% of the time, women are the ones in a relationship that do all the work of keeping it together and going, all the while, worrying about whether or not they are doing enough or the guy is as committed to the relationship as they are.
Women stress about their relationships all the time. Wondering if he is going to screw them over or if they can be trusted. Most of the time, it's because they have found themselves in one relationship or another where the guy proved over and over again that he can't be trusted. This just causes the woman to become jaded and lose that hope that there is going to be someone who can be trusted. So when they finally do find that one guy they can trust, they go into a self-destruct mode. They keep seeing "monsters" where there is only windmills. (Please excuse the Don Quixote reference). But it's the truth.
This is where the guy needs to step in and prove that he is committed to the relationship. I've noticed that women are always the ones to fight to keep the man they love and want. I've met maybe a handful of guys that will fight to keep the women they love. Since I started dating and began the process of truly falling in love with a guy, not one has fought to really keep me. If I wanted to end the relationship, it was over. But what I need, and what I'm sure other women out there need, is for someone to not sit by and let me pack my bags. I need someone that will keep me from leaving. I don't need an abuser but a real man to see that sometimes he needs to prove that he wants me.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE OPEN AND HONEST IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO WORK! That doesn't mean some of the time or most of the time. It means, ALL THE TIME. Don't hide your past, exs or otherwise. Everything needs to be put out on the table in a relationship in order to have complete love and trust. When couples start keeping secrets from each other, trust is destroyed and it takes a long, painful time to earn that trust back. Most of this, I've learned the hard way.
So this is what I've become to understand. I, myself, can never be in a relationship where I don't know everything about the person I'm with. I can't be with someone that isn't willing to fight to keep me, even if it means they have to fight with me. Fighting is good in some cases because it can make people realize just how much the other loves them and is willing to do to be with them. Plus, it can lead to really awesome make-up sex. Don't be afraid to say what you feel and don't be afraid to listen to what the one you love has to say. In the end, if it's meant to be, your relationship will survive and be better. But if it's not, then at least you have a better perspective on how to deal with the next person that comes along.
