some people have been wondering whats wrong with me well heres whats been on my mind for a long long time .
for 6 years i have been single
i have tried not to be
i have tried to be myself
i have tried to be that ass hole that most girls seem to want
but i cant be an ass hole . that is not me , its not who i am .
yes i have had feelings for a couple sweet women onlinebut after a while i fuck that up i dont have that special someone in my arms , to hold , to look deep into her eyes so i can see just how much i meen to her . i know it sounds stupid , like im makin excuses but i am so tired of goin to bed alone , im tired of fallin asleep with my pillow in my arms wishin that it was someone . im so tired of everywhere i go or look theres a happy couple makin me depressed cuz its something that i want so damn bad it hurts abd cant get no matter how hard i try . i have even tried to let her find me but thats never worked either . i try to be that rare nice guy out there that women always say they want so bad but they always go for the ass holes thats gonna hurt them , then they come to me for a shoulder to cry on . IS THAT ALL I AM ? am i destine to be single the rest of my life ?? someone please tell me what i am doin wrong . someone please explain to me why i cant find happyness . i know im not the best lookin guy out there , i know im a lil on the heavy side but i am that one guy who would treat his woman like a queen . i see all these guys who are twice my size and they even have a girl and happy . why cant i be ?
i know i have had a couple of women online that have loved me with all there heart and for some odd reason i cant explain i slowly push them away
if ur reading this i am sorry i truely am . i know this sounds like bull shit excusses but i really need that special someoneto hold in my arms , to be able to look her in the eyes as we kiss . to hold hands as were out in public . i wanna be part of that couple that everyone looks at and says " now theres a happy couple , truely in love " i had someone special that was willing to come out here to be with me but i blew it . she said i was depressed all the time . if only she knew that if she would have come out here it would have instantly changed me into the happiest guy in the world . but she didnt and now its rare if we ever talk and i still miss her to this day
i know i sound depressed right now but thats cuz i am . all i want is to be happy . is that to much to ask for ? they say money makes you happy . BULL SHIT . i had money . not an extreme amount but i had money . i bought a badass car , a big screen tv and the list goes on and on . but all that doesnt make me happy . there just material possesions . yes its akll nice to have but it doesnt make me happy . all i want is for a woman to be completly honest and trust worthy . every relationship i have been in i have been lied to and cheated on . i want a woman i dont have to worry about what shes doin while im at work . i want a woman i can fall completly in love with and spend the rest of my life with . i dont care about looks . its all about personality , how well we click together , how we can do anything we want no matter how stupid or rediculous as long as were together thats all that matters . i know im babblin but im not gonna go to anyone with my problems . im that one guy everyone comes to with there problems im supost to be the strong one . so im just gonna sit here and write what im feelin . if you read this all the way through then either you are a true friend or just really bored . i know some of you are gonna say how great of a guy i am and that i have no reason to be single and that i will find someone . but come on , if i am such a great guy then why have i been alone for 6 years . obviously there is something wrong with me . obviously i have a flaw that every woman can see just by lookin at me . i just wish i knew what it was . so i am askin anyone who knows to tell me . i am so tired of feelin alone and unloved . someone come come and make me happy . come and put a permanent smile on my face
