i cant believe how much college is like fucking highschool... everyone is just going around backstabbing everybody and talking about everyone and throwing their digs in places and pretending to be people they arent... and i just sit here and try to be nice to people (minus of course my stupid little teasing here and there to like caitie and joe and what not, but thast just me messing around- especially since theyre like two of my favorite people in class), all to hear things that i dont like to hear-- people talking about me, people making assumptions, people pretending to be friends with me who really arent. Its just like my 4 years in highschool- no, even MIDDLESCHOOL, all over again. I dont know what i want to do anymore. I want to go to community college and live at home and not deal with people backstabbing and hating one another- why does everyone have to be so angry and mad and cause drama ? i dont think ill ever understand it. I have to sign up for a photoblock monday for the second semester- i dont even want to do that. i dont want to end up with people who dont want me in their block and who will just be angry and all like "oh howd this bitch end up in here with us AGAIN".... i feel like i just bug everyone in class because i dont know what i'm doing so i try to ask the people who do- and now im going to have to go into a new semester with a whole new set of people to explain to about why i dont know what to do in the darkroom, how to use my light meter, or what fstop to use when i take a shot..... its going to wreck me to do this all over again.... to try and keep confidence when i dont know anything, and have to make friends in class all over again- meanwhile im sure everyone else would be like "phew at least shes not here to bug me anymore"......... :-(. i'm so sick of drama, im so sick of everyone just being angry, and im even more sick of the fact that no one in my life can ever just be fucking HONEST with me... is it so hard? tell me you dont like me, tell me we arent friends, tell me you love me to death- just MEAN IT, so i dont have to spend time secondguessing myself and wondering if im allowed to joke around with you or how youll take it, or if i say something to you will you go back and tell people or can i just have a normal fucking convorsation with you?
god, all i want is a friend i can trust.
mike
akilah
mel
where are you when i really need you most.
oh yeah-
6 + hours away.
:'(
