This is a feeling I'm not real at ease with...feeling lost..feeling weak...yet here I am..feeling the biggest weenie ever cause no matter what I do the tears are just comeing.
It sucks.
Maybe it's all the worrie hitting me now...maybe it's the being burnt out from doing all the gigs last night. *sees time* ok Sat night. I haven't slept so to me it's last night.I'd do all those gigs all over again. I did them for the lady I love so damn much..I was gonna do what it took... guess that's all for nothing now too.
Godz I'm feeling so...lonely...so..like I can not go on...WTF? This is not my style.
I couldn't handel being around the rest of my kin not even the sweet darling=Bella boo=. That's why I snuck to an "off limits" part of this huge place. The call was to strong.I didn't feel like battleing myself so I just came. Noone will give a fuck anyway.
And that's odd for me too. I love hanging with my kin & I love that wee bella more then I can tell you.But I HAD to be away from them.
I know part of it is what day is nearing. It's all comming back freash all the pain from loseing both..in one fatel swoop-- so much for haveing delt....
I hurt both mind and body. I don't care if you find me weak. If you knew 1/2 of my life..well you'd be shocked it's only 2 scars I carrie..
I can't talk to my kin & I'd never lay this on a few anyways.They know all to well what I'm dealing with. They are too.
I look out that tower window..I look down at my battered hands..unsealing a door isn't easy..I woder just what it is..why I have to always deal with shit and mental pain. I wonder why do I carrie on? wouldn't anyone be better off if I wasn't around? but then I hear so clear certion voices..voices breaking with feeling telling me it's not the right thing to ever do it causes more pain. And well i've caused enough.
Fruck!! I need a good drunk on!
Luckyly I know we have tonz of booze in this place...Time to numb out....
