xFEARxCAMPAIGNx's blog: "Baby Don't Cry.."

Another day has turned it's page. I still don't understand why I am constantly feeling down. I miss my old life. I miss my baby girl. 2 years old and i avnt been seeing her because I have nothing to give her. No materials, or love because I cannot love myself. This whole world has turned upside down. Katey is a great mom and a very responsible person. Shes got a good job and is hopefully doing really well. But do i really miss her? All i have is a glimpse. No image, no stillframe. Her presence is no longer within my eyes its all heartache from here on out. I know i fucked up, multiple times. But, why did things have to get as bad as they did? Yea, I smoke weed. Get over it. Soon I'm going to get my card so it will be legal. All I'm saying is that it has effects on me that are medicinal, and that is that. I may have other problems that are not fully understood by people (even though they say they get it) They Don't!!

I hve kept this job, and right when i started makig money, child support starts rapin me. Without no hearing or notice, my paychecks are now cut in half. What the fuck am i supposed to do. I guess I'm expected to just work and let my paychecks get cut and me not see my kid cause "I'm crazy" FUCK YOU!!! I was a geat fucking father to Izabel, and this is how i get repaid.

One of these days I'm ging to find a girl. Someone who loves me for everything I am, and I will love everything about her, and I will never let her go. I miss love, i miss the feeling of having someone there to come home and talk to. Lay in bed for hours and just talk. I miss going out to dinner, movies, flea markets and not buy anything. hahaha... One day i will have the money to survive the right way. and when that happens things can start lining up in order, and my life will finally have some sort of stability. I'm just so sick of feeling low.

I don't know, maybe I am fucking crazy. The things that go through my mind are just out there. But, who's perfect? It only seems that when I'm alone I can see how "crazy" i am. Nothing but darkness and pain. I try day after day to put a smile on my face, and know that no matter what happens I'm going to push through it or die trying. I'm not scared of death. I'm just scared for the ones I leave behind. I hope no one ever feels the pain I have and still do to this day. I love all my friends very much. I just hope I don't break! Wait.. I can't i'm already broken!!!

- Broken Vein