jen's blog: "feeding the senses"

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i've tried reaching around in the dark only to find empty cold sheets i've tried a seductive whimper to call you back but still you linger out there; who is she? are you thinking of her when you're lying next to me? does she make you feel like i used to? i shiver in anticipation tears start to warm my face pulling the covers up over my head i drift into another sleepless night waiting for you and getting nothing in return. my thoughts swim in a sea of depression i wonder: does she know i'm there? what would she say if our eyes met one day? i cry, uncontrollably i hear the door unlock then replaced again, quietly so as not to disturbe the sleeping dead- i am turned, silent he thinks i am asleep and as he slips into bed, i smell her. i'll bite my lip and dream of better days, until i find a "better man"* *this ending was starred because i haveto give credit where credit is due, pear jam, better man.

and in the midst of a tired eye i long for my slumber the night will cradle me as does, shall it you; please close your outer thoughts and retrieve to the inn you'll find solace there and there, with Him, will begin.... good night all, and i'm going to leave youwith my favorite prayer, i've loved it since i was a little girl. my mother used to say it to us before bed: now i lay me down to sleep i pray the lord, my soul to keep thy love be with me through the night and wake me with the morning light but if i die before i wake, i pray the lord, my soul to take. god bless you all, inthe name of your son, jesus christ, amen... just so you all know, i am a strong believer in god, and do accept jesus as my savior and lord, and that is who i am. take it or leave it. in the end, it's him and i. same with the rest of you. don't ever forget it.

consider this my christmas present to you!!!

i'm not sure i know i don't see what i can do i try to move but i'm frozen still like the moon at midnight's mascarade; my eyes glimmer like the dead's nothing is clear nothing is safe- i want to yell, yet no voice could ever break this silence. i was drifting off into slumber's fury finding my escape and strength in my dreams. i could run i could fight, i could die ten thousand times and still be smiling knowing i was still moving. so now, light will break open i am awake and weak vulnerable and coarse. saving me would only tease what fate has laid out for me so, i drift once more my eyes open frozen staring out the window and watching the world float on by....

i look over the horizen and wonder who would paint such a perfect sky? in the distance, the wind calls my name, and i want to run to it, but i'm not sure what would be waiting for me. as i look to the west for one last glympse of home, the sky gets dark. the clouds come thundering in and i am left in awe. my heart starts to beat faster with each second that goes by. i feel as if it might explode if i stare any longer, but i can't stop. lightning strikes and it looks as though the mountains might crumble- i shiver with aniticipation. i start to sweat, though the air couldn't be more than fifty degrees. my hair starts to drip rain is falling so hard, my skin is singed with pain. fat balls of hydration overwhelm my unsuspecting senses. i start to run, but there is no place for hiding, anywhere. i'm left in this wilderness, abandoned and lonely. suddenly, a ray of warmth shoots across the sky. i feel alive again! the rain dies down, and the clouds slither away out of sight. i am once again looking over the horizen at the sun in all of her glory. though storms do rage at one time or another, it is yet proven that the sun will come out to calm the rage inside all of us.....