gains and pains
A fubar user blog.
You make a connection with another soul
Someone who listens, responds consoles.
The world seems different, distinctively new
The outlook on life a warm crimson hue.
Friendship, response, a reply in the wind
Can keep someone going, "alone" redefined
A person out there took time from their day
To write you and let you know its okay.
Listening to emotions come from a word
Reflection accepted acknowledged, heard.
Oh what a gift that energy brings
Isolation divorced, free with new wings.
Thank you for hearing my words indirect
Meanings lurking that somewhat reflect
How I might feel, just what I believe
Wrong or mistaken, you just receive.
Your response a discovery, revelation for me
You heard me, still care, helps set me free.
Ability, and power to find who I am
Love knowing that someone just gives a damn.
That impish grin and those eyes aglow,
with its spark of life so many outgrow.
Busy fingers, a busier mind,
complex, yet simple and unconfined.
The years ahead pregnant with unknowns,
incomprehensible a numberless zone.
For you who only can count to ten.
Amusement, enjoyment, over and again.
You sing with delight, one song in two
Mixed up lyric mean nothing to you
The joy you feel when you raise your song
Doesn't matter, Please sing along.
Those brand new foods, brand new sights
Tomorrow again might still delight
Your eyes that saw them day before
Today a delight to re-explore.
Innocent youth, I pray you keep
As in your dreams you rest and sleep
Visions of dancing stars and light
Remembered tomorrow in older twilight.
Spring has arrived, the lifeblood, the heart and soul of life.
Green shoots everywhere, peeping out with sleepy eyes,
Leaving behind empty nests of winters slumber
Babes, in wonderment marvel at new sensations.
Herself especially pleased at the marvels nurtured
Through that months long and balmy sleep,
Hurrahs, rejoicing in the comfort and wellbeing
That shows in the rekindling of new life.
She lifts up her skirts of glory, rides a beam of
light hearted happiness, her pleasure obvious
in the way she celebrates her maternity
thrice happy that all is in harmony.
Shrills and whistles, tweets and shouts
A clatter of noise audible to the heavens
That once again the world awakens to celebrate
A new and novel difference from the year before.
Herself sighs now, her head on His shoulder
Happy in the unfailing preservation of her love.
The Earth, the foundation of a durable creation
Unparalleled, exceptional in any universe
My faithless ego walks a circle clearing
a path, a gateway to unease.
I have decided a fresh start
is in order,a progression
from my hidden self.
My soul, that personal me
has hidden behind words
a way to obscure the black hole
I buried myself so to stay
Slowly my procrastination has
failed, demanding individuality
show proof of a back bone, giving
strength and reinforcement to
that particular faithless ego.
So hard, so hard to argue with
yourselves, the frightful many
that reside within the innermost
self, sharing your differences
the writer and the hider.
Deep sigh, a mourning, loss
of a hiding place, my surroundings
familiar, but no longer just my own.
My muse is in celebration glorifying
its winnings, redemption, healing.
I see with Blinders on
I see with blinders on, obscuring what should be clear
Looking left to right, I strain to see what I am passing by
Only to be met with dark maleviolent emptiness
So in anger I do nothing but forge forward.
What happened to me that I should be so blinded?
Unable to sense that, that is around me.
Sensitive to each nuance of emotion that I feel
But unable to share clearly the meanings.
I hurt: I anguish over the least problem, perhaps
complicating them a thousand fold, unable
to puzzle out how to simply look left and right
and see clearly with out fearing rejection.
The answer I am told is to simply do what you wish
Say what you feel and all will be well
But I am afraid of every offering, of every effort
That it be met with coldness or indifference.
So, do I stop my efforts, or cease my offerings?
No, thats not me, or who I am. I am a loving, kind and caring person, learning to love again.
In a world that has forced me to see with blinders on.
With the help of loving, patient friends, I will lift the corners of my blindess, trying to understand what the world looks like all around
me without------ my blinders on.
I dream of Rainbows
As a little girl I could not quite understand why
the world had to be black and white.
I always saw a rainbow of colors,
everyone called it dreaming, pretending.
"Come down from there",
"get your head out of clouds"
"Face reality". "Need no one"
"Love your life quickly, never trust a soul".
Hear the trees talk to me, telling me their tales,
Hear the wind calling me, caressing me, her child.
I wonder if that babbling brook
still laughs when the children swim.
I still like to lay in the grass looking high above into the clouds, my arms stretching toward
the heavens. Or walking barefoot in the mud.
How fun to blow bubbles with a friend.
To me it seems that the only thing changed
are the people around me. They are older, ignorant, full of blind dreams, dying everday.
Having forgottend that at one time they did know
How to live.
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Needle in your arm
Where do you go when you run from here?
What ghosts of pain and loss do you fear?
What secret place have you found out?
that keeps you running all about.
I was your very closest kin,
Now that needle has moved right in.
I fear for you in that dark plain
One day you wont come back again.
Before I lose you to the wind
Hold my hand and be my friend.
Let me know what I can do
To show you that I love you too.
Please know that in my house of light
I can perhaps hold back the night.
Allowing you to just be free
for a few hours of your agony.
I cannot magik 'way the pain
I can only blot away the stain.
that life has marked you for its own
Until you go to your new home.
So please stay with me for a while
That I may enjoy your loving smile.
You see I live in darkness too
of pain and aloneness just like you.
I have no where I can run
And when your here you are my sun
I can be yours, if you'll let me try
To share the burdens of lifes sigh.
I cannot take away the pain
I can only push it away again.
And push it I will if I can but see
Your beautiful happy smile for me.
Break the needle, break the need
Come to me, on my faith feed
Grit your teeth, shake and sweat
Get it out, so we can forget.
It ever happened.....
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The Four Winds
I was asked for a map
of the four winds.
I looked up in horror
as I realized that
I had lost my way.
The gathering storm.
Whispering to me of
my neglect, I chase
after the last gust of
wind, weeping for my loss.
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An assemblage of shiny pageantry
Illuminating the way for lost travelers
Against a sky of ebony.
My mind is having a fit, screaming and yelling
to get it all out, driving me to
insane levels of ridiculous
and impulsive thoughts.
What the hell did I do to deserve being alone
all these years without a shoulder,
or ear to hear me, support me
in my depressions or cheer me on.
Why the hell do my kids not listen to me,
appreciate what I have done, and give credence to
a wiser and life learned individual,
who only loves them.
Why cant my folks take me as I am,
a writer, an empath, who crys when the world
hurts and only wants to make things better,
for those who have not.
Why do I have to be unemployed, over qualified
under degree'd, wanting only to live on more than
what the government says I earned
when I worked for years.
I think I feel better now that I have had a fit,
feeling a bit foolish, but relieved to know
the pressure is gone, with the simple act
of writing it down.
And tomorrow is another day
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