tag:fubar.com,2010:blog-37204Mon, 30 Apr 2012 10:41:43 -0700Blogging FunA fubar user blog.
firstname.lastname@example.org (TolerancE)fubartag:fubar.com,2010:BlogRSS-37204.post-1175172Mon, 30 Apr 2012 10:41:43 -07002012-04-30T10:41:43-07:00PEOPLE PISS ME OFF!<p>As many who know me, know that my line of work involves dealing with morons, idiots, old people and the ever so frequent "know it alls." So even though I have been known to have the patience of biblical character Job (pronounced J-oh-b or Joe B for all you athiests), I find that my patience is starting to wear extremely thin.</p>
<p>What is it that make old people think they can even try to operate a computer? I've been to many a bingo hall and see how much they struggle just to ink their fucking bingo cards, so how am I expected to walk them through configuring Outlook Express or even walk them through a Winsock repair? My advice to you old people; clip your coupons, start knitting that gay ass sweater you're going to give to your grandson next Christmas and watch Matlock. Do what normal old people do, just dont buy a computer.</p>
<p>Next person on my list are "know it alls." You know these guy's, they parade around like they know what you're talking about if not more than you, but for some reason they call you for help. No matter what you try to do to help these fucksticks, they always respond with, "I've already done that!" or "That's not what's wrong." Oh really? Then why the fuck did you call then? Newsflash asshole, TCP/IP isn't a something you get tested for before marriage, so either fix it your damn self or let me do my job, after all you called me, so at least do me a favor and STFU!</p>
<p>Another form of walking atrophy that I find most disgusting are these damn emo kids. I have NO FUCKING CLUE where these fuckers come from, and unfortunately at this time, RAID doesn't make a repellent; but to me its like a blend of homosexuality and goth. Those who have seen these type of ass muppets know that they look like they got their asses kicked by a flowbee. These "Simple Plan" listening fuckers seem to be swarming the face of the earth with their "I'm only gay because women don't understand me. But I'd be straight if the right chick liked me!"" atitude and should be lined up and put out of their misery.</p>
<p>At the end of the day if you're old, dumb or wear guy-liner and sport an Adam Lambert t-shirt, I hope you all catch a scorching case of Alzheimers, herpes or whatever the fuck Magic Johnson USE to have!</p>
<p>Anyway, on to my random thoughts...</p>
<p><br />Many of the Catholics that I am friends with seem to against the death penalty. Why? I mean, if it wasn't for capital punnishment, they wouldn't have a religion!</p>
<p>What about faggots? When they get horny, does their dick get hard or does their butthole get wet?</p>
<p>Anyone know when The Passion of The Christ will be released on DVD with alternate ending?</p>
<p>Did Elvis really die? Or was he abducted and cloned by aliens who then hatched the eggs all over Las Vegas?</p>
<p>I accidenty walked in on my wifes grandpa while he was mounted on her granny. Does that count as necrophilia?</p>
<p>If pornography is so bad in the eyes of the clergy, then why is every other word out of Jenna Jameson's mouth "Oh God!"?</p>email@example.com (TolerancE)http://fubar.com/blog/37204/1175172#viewcomments
tag:fubar.com,2010:BlogRSS-37204.post-1122909Mon, 19 Jul 2010 03:22:18 -07002010-07-19T03:22:18-07:00My very own "Pursuit Of Happiness"<div style="text-align: left; background-color: transparent; color: #000000; overflow: hidden; text-decoration: none;">
<p align="justify"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: #ffffff;">Well, I finally got around to seeing Will Smith's movie "The Pursuit of Happiness" tonight. If you haven't checked it out, it's excellent... although somewhat anti-climatic after seeing the real life Chris Gardner on multiple talk shows talking at length about his rather amazing story.<br /><br />It also occured to me how being unemployed can completely mess with your brain. During the course of the movie, I kept bouncing back and forth between "inspired" and "freaked the fuck out". During the scene where he and his son are sleeping in a homeless shelter, I started thinking "Wow... what if I never had a job??" What would I do if I had to live this guy's life?? What if one day, I had zero income, I depleted my savings account... and had to sleep in a subway bathroom with my five year old black son with an afro??"<br /><br />Then of course I realized that I don't have a five year old black son... at least not one that I know about. <br /><br />Then I started thinking "But What if one day I was on the Maurey Povich show... and they ran a paternity test on the child of that ghetto crackwhore that I slept with on New Year's eve of 2005?? And It actually turned out that I was the father?<br /><br />Then it occured to me that I've never slept with a ghetto crackwhore.<br /><br />Then I realized PRECISELY what I need to do to pursue my own happiness in 2010.<br /><br />Anyone know where a brother can find a crackwhore in Atlanta???</span></p>
<p><br /><br /></p>firstname.lastname@example.org (TolerancE)http://fubar.com/blog/37204/1122909#viewcomments
tag:fubar.com,2010:BlogRSS-37204.post-1122138Mon, 12 Jul 2010 17:29:19 -07002010-07-12T17:29:19-07:00Women and Games<p><span lang="EN">
</span></p><p>If there's one common issues that run among the single ladies, it's that women hate games. Can't stand the games. Are sick of all the games. <br /><br />You know what? I like games. I'm good at Scrabble. I like Scattergories and Cranium. I play the semi-obscure ones most people have never heard of like Carcassone and Ticket to Ride. I look forward to the day I have a big enough coffee table to set up Arkham Horror. Games are fun and I don't understand why so many people are so forthcoming about their disgust with the pastime. <br /><br />So ladies, don't hate the games. Hate the players.</p>
tag:fubar.com,2010:BlogRSS-37204.post-143922Sat, 23 Dec 2006 19:17:27 -08002006-12-23T19:17:27-08:00A Bit of Humor!Ok, as always I'm in search for constant laughs no matter what extreme I have to go through to get one. If I have to throw myself down a flight of stairs or make fun of my own shortcomings, I will do so. So after MANY messages about when I'm going to write more funny stuff, your wait has come to and end, this very moment!
If you're new to my friends list, read through my previous blogs, you'll see that my sarcastic and quick witted sense of humor pulls no punches, so if you're easily offended....save yourself the trouble of reading further.
So the other day I am moving shit into my new house and I am single handedly moving this entertainment center, weighs about 150 plus lbs, but it's shaped very awkward which makes it impossible to manuver by yourself, so I'm fighting with this thing when a guy runs across the street and introduces himself to me as Marc with a "C," I shook his hand and introduced myself as Rick with a Rick with a "K." So Marc then asks me if he could help me, "Sure!" I said, as he goes around to the other end, I put my end down and proceed to walk in the house and knowing all along I would end up helping him, but looking to get a pure reaction out of him. As I get to the door I hear "Hey! Where you going?" to which I replied, "Since you offered to help, I'm going to sit down. Let me know when you're done." That was sure to get him...Next thing I know, I hear grunting and breathing heavy and all I could think was "He better not be fucking anyone on my furniture!" So I look out the front door to see this retard actually trying to move the entertainment center by himself. It was at this point I knew I had him and the fun was on!!!!!
So I go back outside and tell him I was just joking and I wouldn't expect him to do that by himself. So we get this thing moved in and situated and I thank him and what not when he makes the cardinal mistake, he asks if there's anything else he can do to help? In my mind I am thanking Jesus because I know that I have entertainment for the next few hours. "Yeah man! If you don't mind, I have plenty you can do." So I thought about this one and I could only think of one thing, "I'm kinda hungry...lol" So I asked Marc to make me a sandwhich while went to the U-Haul to get a couple of chairs. He just looked at me blankly for a few seconds and said ok. All I could think was "you've got to be fucking kidding me! He's going to make me a fucking sammich?...lol) Well, this joke was about to backfire because when I got back with the chairs he says "Rick, there's no food in your refridgerator," being the quick thinker that I am I replied "Umm don't you think I know that? I'm just moving in! I meant for you to go to your house and make me one." Again, another blank stare before he just said, "How about a hot dog?" I had him and was going for a knockout blow on this guy, "NO! I asked for a sandwhich, turkey and extra pickle too!" He looked at me in in the most surprised way before he said he had to go walk his dogs.
At that point I knew I had finally irritated this guy so as he was walking out the door I asked him when he was coming back because I had curtains for him to hang. He just looked at me confused and smirked, still havent seen the guy again and its been 2 days. Hope he's not mad, I was only kidding!
Anyway that's my story about Marc with a "C"....Now I guess I will move onto a new topic.
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO YOUR WIFE!
Remember guy's, I'm a professional pain in the ass. DO NOT try this at home!
The same evening of the Marc incident, my wife was upacking a box and her Secret deodorant fell out of the box, I looked at her and said, "Honey, you dropped your chap stick!" Yeah, bad idea!
Don't ever start a conversation with your wife that begins with "Your fucking mother..." Again, another bad idea.
"Go make me a sandwhich." Apparently Marc is the only one that falls for that trick...
"Is the reason you never cook anymore is so I'll eat more pussy?" Okay fella's NEVER EVER SAY THAT ONE!
Until next time....
Konechewa email@example.com (TolerancE)http://fubar.com/blog/37204/143922#viewcomments
tag:fubar.com,2010:BlogRSS-37204.post-143918Sat, 23 Dec 2006 19:12:37 -08002006-12-23T19:12:37-08:00Deconstructing The Cartoon Diva<p align="left">This is something of a topic that I though would be interesting. Something I'm sure everyone has thought about at one time or another, and if you havent, you will now. What we will do here, is take a look at the many female cartoon characters who have led a closet life of lust, attraction and fantasy for their own gender.</p>
<p>First on the list is...</p>
<p align="center"><img src="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y90/pwsmarks/Myspace Blog Pics/dyke.jpg" /><br />Peppermint Patty!</p>
<p align="left">This one is a dead givaway. I mean she has another 8 year old girl (Marcie) walk around callng her sir for gods sake!!! Now Marcie is much more feminine that Patty, which goes to show that Peppermint Patty is clearly the butch in the relationship. Aside from her obviously admiration for the fur taco, she looks as if she was in line for the role of Aileen Wuornos from the movie Monster. The resemblance is definitely uncanny!<br /></p>
<p align="center"><img style="WIDTH: 180px; HEIGHT: 172px" height="172" src="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y90/pwsmarks/Myspace Blog Pics/329monster2.jpg" width="158" /></p>
<p align="left">Next up is another one that was always on the front burner of speculation, but she never had anyone following her around calling her sir. I'm talking about Velma...</p>
<p align="center"><img src="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y90/pwsmarks/Myspace Blog Pics/velma01.gif" /></p>
<p align="left">Take a look! This bitch screams manwich. The manly legs, short hair and freckles only brings one thought to my mind. JINKIES YOU"RE FUCKING GAY! Velma was always the 5th wheel in the gang, Daphne had Fred and for some reason they always ran off together to solve the case. Shaggy and Scooby were too busy smoking up and eating. I mean, C'mon folks, Shaggy could make a 6 foot hoagie and swallow the god damned thing whole, DO NOT tell me he wasn't a burner! So that leaves Velma all alone, searching for her lost glasses and that landing strip that Daphne would never give her. Again this hemale (not a typo) should not be mistaken for this guy...<br /></p>
<p align="center"><img style="WIDTH: 160px; HEIGHT: 172px" height="162" src="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y90/pwsmarks/Myspace Blog Pics/rogerebert.jpg" width="160" /><br />Robert Ebert (Movie Critic)</p>
<p align="left">Although it has never been proven, I also believe that Velma was into beastiality and that her and Scooby knocked paws. How else do you explain Scrappy? The dog had perfect grammer and speech, a trait that was only possessed by Velma. Hmmm?!?</p>
<p align="left">The next one has to be the most shocking one of the list and that is Jane Jetson.</p>
<p align="center"><img style="WIDTH: 127px; HEIGHT: 139px" height="219" src="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y90/pwsmarks/Myspace Blog Pics/jane003.gif" width="180" /></p>
<p align="left">Yes, Jane Jetson! She is the true definition of a "Desperate Housewife". While George is off getting his ass fired everyday from Spacely Sprockets, Jane is stuck at home with a dog who has the most annoying speech inpediment. The fuckers catch phrase was "Ruh-ro!" for god sake! </p>
<p align="left">Anyway, even working grueling 3 hour shifts, George couldn't even play the role of intimate husband. Which is why Jane went to the fish and hopped in the first tuna can she saw. Literally!</p>
<p align="center"><img src="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y90/pwsmarks/Myspace Blog Pics/0146.gif" /></p>
<p align="left">So in a nutshell, thats my deconstruction of the cartoon divas. If you have any thoughts, comments or wish to add your own deconstruction, please feel free to do so and comment.</p>
<p align="left">Until next time....</p>
<p align="left">Konechewa Butches!</p>
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<p align="center"> </p>firstname.lastname@example.org (TolerancE)http://fubar.com/blog/37204/143918#viewcomments