tag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-2331192008-07-21T02:57:28-07:00WARNING: THIS ONE IS VERY DEEPA fubar user blog.DJ ENVIDA FINEST DA MIXTAPE MESSIAHhttp://firstname.lastname@example.org:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-233119.8406062008-07-21T02:57:28-07:002008-07-21T02:57:28-07:00WARNING: THIS ONE IS VERY DEEP.where do we belong. tied down to the endless pain & suffering that overwelms us daily. we ask ourselves this question. and everyday as we open our eyes to a new morning. we find that we are only farther away from this answer we so blindly seek after. why the hell are we here? why the hell do we have to go on living this life that is so littered with hurt, anger & hatred. sometimes it seems like the only person that love or cares about us is us. although deep down we know this is false. even when our families turn against us. our friends turn against us. we kno deep down there is still at least one person out there that does care. we usually put up walls to find out who these ppl are. not to shut ppl out but to find out who does give a damn. the hate of the world around us pours over our hearts. drenching our hopes and dreams. and leaving us to sqirm alone in the dirt. and as we begin tearing at ourselves. we becon death to cover our eyes from the suffering of life. we are hopeless. a lineage of ppl blindly confused. searching amongst each other for an answer that cannot be found themselves.
i was once told a story by my grandfather (r.i.p.) about a man that had a wife and a son. now this man worked day after day operating a drawbridge. lowering the bridge so that trains could pass on the top. then raising the bridge so that boats could pass on the river beneath. the most important thing in this mans life was his family. he loved his family. he loved his wife. and he loved his son. he worked hard to bring home food each day. then one night the boi asked his father if he could come to work with him the next day. the man wanting to spend as much time with his son as possible said "yes". the next morning when they arrived at the bridge the boi was fascinated with all the controls and levers that decorated the drawbridge tower and thought that his daddy must have the greatest job in the world. as the day went on the father showed his son all the buttons and levers and how they all worked and how each one operated something different. then the son pointed to the large red lever in the center of the control room and asked "what does that one do?". the father replied "the red lever was the one that lowered teh drawbridge and that when it was time for the train to come he would let his son have the honor of pulling it and watching the train run smoothly across". a few hours passed and the father began to see the train in the distance as it moved towards the bridge. he turned to tell his son it was time to pull the lever. but as he looked around the boi was gone. his eyes franticlly scanned the surrounding machinery looking for his son. then suddenly stopped dead as he felt his heart begin to cring within his chest. the young boi sat calmly at the waters edge playing in the gears that lowered the bridge. his father began screaming at the top of his lungs. hoping that his son would hear or see him. but there was no response. the man gazed off into the distance at the oncoming train as it raced towards the bridge. there wasnt enough time for him to run down and grab his son and still make it back up and lower the bridge so that the train could pass. he tried screaming out his sons name once more but there was no use. the machines were too loud and the boi could not hear him. seconds turned to minutes. minutes to hours. and hours to what seemed like days. he had to make a decision. the life of his only son or the lives of these strangers on the train. and his heart burnt within him as he knew what he needed to do. choking back the tears that swelled within his eyes. he wrapped his fingers around the red lever and whispered the words "i love you" to his son below. and with those last words he screamed out the boi's name and pulled back on the red lever that marked the death of his truly beloved son. and all the regret you could possibly burn into a human being sheered through his heart as he watched his son slowly pulled through the gears. and as the boi's blood poured out onto the dirt the bridge was lowered and the lives of these strangers on the train was saved.
sometimes as we travel over this bridge of life. we complain and we let our hearts be filled with anger and hatred. because the ride was bumpy. or because we think the pain and suffering of the road traveled was too great. and we for get about the blood that was shed so we can simply pass over. sometimes it seems like the only person that love or cares about us is us. our families turn against us. our friends turn against us. and we even begin to believe that god himself is against us. the same god who watched his only son's blood spill into the dirt so that we might be saved. a son who's flesh was torn for our worthlessness. who's bones were broken for our mistakes. who's wrists were pierced with nails to hang on a cross in our place. a son who's only purpose was to suffer so that we could live. a son who's blood was spilt out onto the feet of murders so that we could see the splender of that which we could never deserve. a god who even after we crusified coughed out his last breath with love for us. a god who even after we spit in his face time & time again will never turn against us.
now most may be wondering...where the hell is all this coming from? has he done gone off of his rocker? what is all this talk about god? what is the deal with all this worth & purpose shit? is he thinking nobody cares?
the only thing i can say is this. yes i know ppl care. im very lucky. i have ALOT of ppl that care about me. and i kno that. no i havnt lost it or went off my rocker. yea i am really trashed right now. its jus that ive been doin alot of thinkin lately. thinkin about my life. things that have happened in teh past. the hell ive been through. i tend to complain alot about that too. jus been doin alot of thinkin & soul searching lately. i realize that shit aint as bad as ive made it out to be. we all tend to think things are worse than they are. i think its jus human nature. jus lookin back on my life i kno that those we love could be taken from us in a split second. we should cherish those that we love as well as those that love us. i suggest everyone grab that person or persons that mean sum to them hold them close and let them kno this. jus love & cherish them. someday they might not be there...they have been taken to teh other side...and you will regret not doing so.
however those that know me well kno that ive always been really deep like this so it wont come as much of a surprise to them. wherever you happen to read this...facebook,fu,bebo,or any of my other blog sites (from now on all my blogs will be posted simultaniosly on all sites) feel free to drop ur thoughts. the purpose isnt to get responses its jus me writing as usual. however i kno ill end up with sum good & sum bad comments as usual. its a free world and your all welcome to have ur own opinion. i respect that. i jus kno that its likely to be too deep for sum so im sure i may get sum rude comments but thas perfectly fine with me. like i always said ur opinions are ur opinions.
thankx for taking the time to readDJ ENVIDA FINEST DA MIXTAPE MESSIAHhttp://email@example.com