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OoJ3NNAoO's blog: "Farewell"

created on 11/05/2010  |  http://fubar.com/farewell/b337540

I never Knew

crouching behind this tear stained face. i hide myself from reality. hoping to never be exposed to what lies deep within. my body quakes, sensations i never knew existed. wandering through the mist of my memories, blood coursing through my veins turns to acid. scorching my soul. i crumble. falling to my knees in this weakened state. i never knew. i couldnt begin to fathom. i am alone. my inner demons beckon to me, darkness closing in. my heart ceases to beat. i am left as the green eyed shell of what i once was

wander

i woke up feeling nothing. i sat up. and still lost in oblivion. my feet touched the floor, and i felt as though i was falling. lost in my own thoughts. wandering this nightmare, searching. but always comming up empty handed. my body aches. but still i ignore the pain. pushing forward, i am blind. sightless to the world. an invisible stranger, unknown my fate. whispered pleas, begging. my blood becomes cement. i am suffocating on my own sorrow, cursed with this sadness. i still wander. casting no reflection. for fear of what i've become.

little Jennifer

not knowing how to start this letter; i sit alone in the dark surrounded by candle light. chasing away the looming shadows of my past. i know that you are tucked away, kept under lock and key my little one. i can hear you whimper. cries of pain bellow from deep inside. years of torment and being abandoned has left you callous and bitter towards the outside world. the hand that life has dealt left us molded into our worst nightmare. i see you now recoiling in fear. disgust plain on your round face. watching the light catch on the tears falling from your eyes. i feel you begin to point the finger, you are pointing it at yourself. so sad now. you walk through this life invisible. a tortured soul never finding rest. yearning for love, to be accepted. eventaully self loathing becomes your only comfort. it keeps you warm at night. i wish i could wrap my arms around you, softly stroking your hair and tell you everything will be alright. but i cant, because that little girl is me. she is the one staring back at me in the mirror, begging to be set free. i am scared now. i stuff you back down into that abyss in the pit of my very being. they tell me to let you out. that its safe now. i feel reluctant. not wanting you to be hurt anymore. not trusting this world. you clasp your hands together, pleading with me. my walls begin to crumble. now i am crying. its your turn to comfort me. feeling peaceful i open my eyes, blow out the candles and set you free...

 

Automatic Writing

Let's do some automatic writing, click to begin exercise... Death. Something I had obsessed over for quite sometime. Blood, something I constantly crave, be it my own or someone else's. Animalistic urges that build and build inside of me. I am a cup quivering on the edge of my sanity. I have this seething pit of rage, something that I hide really well. It scares me. I am a monster. Mutated through out the years. A flesh eating contagion, Masked behind a pretty face. I am feral, rabid beast. Pet me right and i shall purrr for you.. I fear myself. There are a million aspects to my personality. Its hard to bring them all to light. Close your eyes and you shall see. I am being followed. A black mass that eats the darkness around it. Something sinister. It beckons me. Whispering in my ear, calling my name. Jennifer... Jennifer, come home. My hair stands on end, my heart skips a few beats. Its always been with me. I've opened a door that cannot be shut. Being chased down dark corridors. I shriek at the top of my lungs, but I am forbidden to make a sound. It has a name. Causes pain. Something I hide behind. I am a masochistic slave. Beaten with rusty chains. My skin splits, small rivlets of blood stain the floor, making crimson pools. To proud to whimper I lie there battered beyond recognition. I have a sick sense of humor. Laughter bubbles up. And I am free..

poetry by me

Farewell world. farewell daughter. farewell till my eternal slaughter. day to day living has driven me insane, finding the courage to not drive this spike into my brain. i hate this life, consistantly filled with strife; struggling to not lose my mind. i hate myself, always wanted to be thin. no one ever beheld what i had within never seeing the beauty they say that god has given. farewell world. farewell daughter. i welcome my eternal slaughter. isolated by my beloved, seemingly death i have devoted. my decaying body soon found bloated. saddened with every effort wasted; true happiness i have never tasted. pricking my finger on this thorn, wishing that i was never born. farewell world. farewell daughter. the abyss swallows me; as i step into my eternal slaughter

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