Before I was under house arrest, Nora and me went to Shanghai Charlie's Seafood Inn located next to Lake Ohmigosh. It's a fancy eating place. I usually steer clear of them type of places. Costs too much and they don't give you enuff to eat. Besides, Nora makes me wear a tie. I go ahead and do it. Nora wears a short skirt and black fishnet stockings which drive me wild. Nora is built real good with long pretty legs. You know what I mean? That's why I agree to wear a tie.
We went in thar and it was dark. Candles were lit on the tables. Nora thought it was romantic. I thought it was cheap. Save on the electric bill. We finally get a seat after waiting fifteen minutes. And we was spozed to have had a reservation! Well, we go to our table. I wasn't drinking that night. I was driving. Nora got to drink her favorite wine. It is expensive, too. But I didn't care. Nora was paying the tab. We sat thar and listened to some jerk playing a fiddle. He was wearing a tux and playing some sissy music. He came to our table and wanted me to make a request. I tole him I wanted to be waited on fer food. He frowned. So did Nora. I then asked him to play the Charlie Daniels' Classic, "The Devil Went Down To Georgia." He didn't know it. What kind of fiddle player is that? Nora requested something. She explained the fiddle player only plays classical music. I reminded her Charlie Daniels is a classic!
Finally, a waiter comes and take the orders. He is flirting with Nora. She is eating it up since she thinks the male waiter looks like Brad Pitt. I know better. The ole boy is trying to butter her up fer a good tip.
After thirty minutes, the food arrives. Small portions! Not enuff to fill my hollow tooth.
Well, we eat and then prepare to leave. Nora gives me $75 bucks to pay the bill and tip Brad Pitt. Nora excused herself to go to the bathroom.
Man, that food cost sixty dollars! Highway robbery!
Brad came back to the table and I gave him five bucks and this tip. "Don't eat here... It costs too much!"
Brad frowned and left. Nora asked me if I tipped him. I assured her I took care of him.
On the way home, I stopped by the burger palace and got Nora and me a carry-out order with the ten bucks I had kept. We ate that when we got home. Now you know why I don't like to eat out. I also got tartar sauce on my tie! Yuk, Yuk!
