gurl has tried to keep herself busy all day, from playing around on here with all my fellow cherries to cleaning house, to constantly checking email. The thing about it is, no matter what one tries to do on a day they find themselves depressed, nothing seems to help no matter how busy they try to keep themselves.
It's kinda funny how when someone goes almost 3 years without something and then all the sudden it's given back to them, they just can't get enough of it. When that something that meant so much is jerked out from under them again it's even more devastating than it was the first time and the pain is deeper and more severe than it was the first time. The sheer fear of never getting it back again can scare the hell out of them, give them some really crazy thoughts they otherwise wouldn't think of, and can eventually drive them to doing things they normally would never do.
Now, sit and think about what matters most in life to Y/you and imagine what Y/you would do if Y/you had to go through life (even if it were for a couple of days) living without it....
Now, can Y/you possibly imagine what life would be like if the thing that mattered most to Y/you in life was taken away and Y/you had to live without it was your children??
Because of gurl's ex, her babies was ripped out from under her, no phone calls, didn't get to see them, didn't know if the mail she sent to them actually reached them or if it stopped in their father's hands when he took it out of the mailbox for almost 3 years. When gurl finally reached a settlement with her ex on their divorce, she got back custody of her youngest daughter from that marriage and got visitation rights to her oldest 3 once a month and phone contact once a week.
Eventually, gurl and Master moved back up to Kansas City where my ex resides, gurl went out of her way to "kiss her ex's ass" just so she got to see her oldest 3 every chance she possibly could, which eventually reached the point she got to see them every week, if not 2 or 3 times throughout the week. (Believe gurl when she says sometimes kissing ass in life is really worth the outcome, even if it's with someone you really hate, has given you memories that still wake you in the middle of the night scared and crying, and even if it's that one person in life you can never find a way to forgive).
Because of some differences of opinions, and gurl following her heart and trying to do what was right when her oldest daughter came to her and told her some very horrible things, her ex has once again ripped her kids out from under her. Yet, he can't let it go at that, he keeps calling Master, and had the nerve to talk to gurl today on the phone when he called Master.
It's only been 17 days since gurl got to last see her oldest 3 children, or even talk to them on the phone, her divorce decree still stands saying that she has visitation rights once a month and phone contact once a week, however, she's had none of that and it hurts like hell. For some reason this hurts worse than the 3 years he ripped them out from under her before and the fear of never getting to see them or even hearing their voice on the phone is deeper and more terrifying than the last time.
gurl just wants to pass this on to her friends to let them know, grab onto your loved ones and hold them tight, make sure they know each and every day just how important they are to you and how much you love them, and make the most out of the time you have with them because you never know when you might have to face life living without....them.
