TheAmbassadorOfRomanceInVenus's blog: "Sex and love -- or should it be the other way around?"

“You are convicted in first-degree murder,” The judge said sharply. “Considering that a crime like this has never been committed before, you are going to be given the cruelest punishment ever…” It was indeed the first time someone was murdered in here. I do not deny my guilt but I don’t admit it either. I have no regrets of what I’ve done. I know it was the right thing to do and nothing can change my mind. However, I can still see her blood on my hands… so pure and so innocent. I was on my way home with a box of herbs in my hands. I was used to it – going into the wild and looking for different herbs. I was known all over the skies for my herb-knowledge. “Herbs… I don’t think anyone is going to need this science,” I used to laugh at myself… Unfortunately, I was wrong. My beloved got ill and it seemed impossible to cure her. I was the only one who held tight to hope and started giving her my herb-extracts. They did delay her death but the pain I wasn’t able to take away. “God, if this pain is meant to live then let it live in me,” I used to say. I walked into her room to give her the ‘extract’. I helped her to sit up and poured the viscous liquid into her mouth. She looked up at me and said, with tears in her eyes, “Please… stop the… pain… Help…me.” It was the first time she cried because of her pain. Obviously, it was getting worse. I couldn’t see her suffer anymore. I walked down into the kitchen with her last two words echoing in my head. I took a knife and walked back into her room. As I sat on the bed, she looked at the knife then into my eyes and smiled. She took my hand, put the knife to her neck and nodded. Seconds later, blood was all over the bed, my clothes and my hands… As the peacemakers took me away to the isolation rooms, I realized what happened. I couldn’t stop my tears no matter how hard I tried and couldn’t kill the feeling of relief that she’s dead either. The cruelest punishment… I knew nothing about it. The feeling of panic and despair followed me as I sat in the isolation room in ignorance, waiting for the worst. I was taken to a dark room where my wings were cut. It was the second most painful thing happening in my life. I was given human clothes and abandoned from stepping on the skies ever again. Partially, I was glad to leave a place where I was considered as a disgrace and an evil. This way I was declared to be the first Fallen Angel in history of heaven… Frankly, it was very sad to watch how the angles, that brought me here, were flying back home. I was on my own. The street was frighteningly quiet and dark. A sign above one door said ‘Lily’s Legs’. All the way to that building I kept wondering what might be there. I went into a room with glowing red lights and loud music. There were women dancing on high platforms projecting in few areas in the room. I sat by a long table. A man, who was standing on the other side of the table, said, “What’s it gonna be, sir?” I opened my mouth and closed it. In an attempt to say something and not look stupid, I opened my mouth again but closed it. The man raised his eyebrows and said, “Is there a problem?” A woman wearing strange dark clothes that barely covered her body sat by my side and said with a wide smile, “Two usuals, Bob. I’m paying.” Then the man took a bottle from the shelf behind him, poured the yellowish-brown liquid into two glasses and added some transparent cubes. He put the glasses next to us and took a green rectangular paper from the woman. “I’m Jane,” the woman said and held her hand out to me. I looked at it wondering what she wants from me. She slowly pulled it back, saying, “Umm… I see. Where are you from? You don’t look native… Britain, I suppose?” “Britain…” I repeated the word, trying to recall if I had ever heard this somewhere. “Yeah, I’m usually right. What’s your name?” she asked. I looked down at the glass and sadly whispered, while shame was filling my heart, “Fallen Angel.” “Seriously?” Jane said and took a sip of her drink. “You’re not lucky with your surname and your parents add an Angel to it so it sounds totally odd… no offense.” I couldn’t comment on that as I couldn’t understand the meaning of what she said. “So, Angel… What are you doing here?” “I was banished from heaven,” I said, not able to look her in the eyes – I was ashamed. “Fired you mean?” she interrupted me. “And heaven? What’s that? A magazine or some sorta project?” I opened my mouth to explain but she continued, not caring about the answer, “I was fired too… Many times as a matter of fact.” “You were banished too?” I asked. It was very strange to hear that because I knew for sure that I was the first angel to be banished from heaven. "How is that possible?" “Um… I don’t really like talking about that,” Jane said and took another sip of her drink. I took the glass near to my nose and sniffed. The liquid’s smell was so strange to me and so unpleasantly sharp. Jane released a soft laugh as she watched my facial expressions twitch. She said, “Try it. It’s the best… You can trust me.” I put the glass to my lips and… “Waah!” I shouted and fell off the stool. The glass fell out of my hand and crushed against the floor. “What is that?” I asked as I tried to get the horrible taste off my tongue. “He broke my glass!” Bob shouted, rushing towards us. “Oh god! Here Bob,” Jane said and gave him two rectangular green papers. “I’m sorry Bob. We’re leaving.” Jane took my elbow and pulled me out of that place. “What…? Uh! Why did you do that?!” she asked angrily as we stood outside. She took out a thin cylindrical paper and put it in her mouth. After searching her pockets, she asked me, “Do you have a lighter?” “Lighter…” I repeated, trying to figure out what it might be. “No.” “You have no lighter! You react to alcohol like a freak! What is wrong with you?” she shouted, loosing her temper. I opened my mouth to explain but she interrupted me, “Let’s get out of here! It’s a bad neighborhood.” Jane started walking and I followed her. We reached a tree where the road divided into several identical ones. Jane said, nervously shaking the thin cylinder between two fingers, “Okay then… It was nice meeting you. Now bye bye.” She turned around and walked away. I sat on the ground by the tree leaning by back to the thick trunk and remembered why I was here. I buried my face into my knees as tears started coming down my face. “Oh god!” Jane exclaimed suddenly, what made me jerk. She was standing besides me. “Why are you crying?” she asked and not waiting for an answer added, “Let me guess… You have no place to stay, right?” “Yes… How did you…” I wanted to ask but as always was interrupted by Jane. “What is it with this day?” Jane asked and sat down besides me. “You’re not a criminal who ran away from prison, right?” “I didn’t run away from anywhere… But you can say I’m a criminal,” I said. “Criminal? What? You killed someone?” “Yes, actually,” I said sadly. “I loved her more than anything…” “You’re not a criminal,” Jane stated when I finished telling her about what I’ve done. “I would’ve done the same thing.” She stood up and said, “How come you're not in prison?... hmmm... Now come with me… I’ll let you spend the night at my place. But it’s just this night and you’re taking the couch.” She giggled and we started walking away. The walls on the block she lived in were filled with words I’ve never seen before. They sounded disgusting as I said them in my mind. When I asked what they meant, Jane laughed and said that I was funny. Jane’s apartment was small and messy. She gave me a blanket, walked away and came back with two cups. It was a pleasant, hot and sweet liquid this time – herbal, as I suppose. “So Angel… How old are you?” Jane asked. “Three-hundred thirty two,” I answered. She said while laughing, “That was really cute. Thirty-two, huh? I would never say that. I’d never give you twenty-five.” After a while of silence she said, “Tomorrow we’ll leave early to look for a place you can stay in. How much money do you have with you?” “I… I don’t have money,” I said wondering what she meant. “Really? Huh, that’s a relief. I started to think that you were quiet perfect. Frankly, I don’t believe that there are perfect people, especially men… no offense.” “Nobody’s perfect. Not even angels,” I remarked. “Oh… I’m not that desperate. Anyway, I must go to bed now,” she said, looking at a circle on the wall with numbers and three sticks in it. “We must have a lot of energy tomorrow, right?” When she was near the doorway, she said, “Good night.” It was a cold morning. After drinking that heavenly hot drink, we went out. I could see from the beginning that Jane was in a hurry and definitely was afraid of something. Once we left the building, Jane froze for a second and then ran into the alley. It was dark and dirty. “What’s wrong Jane?” I asked when we stopped. “They’re coming,” Jane whispered, walking in small circles in panic. “You have to hide.” She opened a big metallic stinky container and forced me to get in there. “Stay law and quiet,” she ordered and covered the strange tank. I heard quick footsteps. I raised the cover and watched from a small opening. There were three men wearing black suits and all holding strange black objects in their hands. “Listen guys, I’m just a little late,” Jane said with a scared smile on her face. “I’m gonna pay you…” “You don’t have the money. I know that,” the tallest man said sharply. He pushed Jane towards the wall and pointed the black object to her head. “Do you know what we do with the ones who owe us?” “Listen, Michael… I-I’m gonna p-p-pay you,” Jane jerked. “I swear.” “This aint the first time you swear,” the tall man said. He was definitely the boss of the two. “We have given you more chances than you deserve. I’m sorry pretty-face but there’s only one way to pay that debt now.” “Please, Mick,” Jane begged as tears came down her face. “Please…” Instantly, I heard a loud bang. I fell back onto the grouse stuff under me and the tank got shut. When I made sure that the men were gone, I went out. Jane was lying on the floor with a lot of blood around her. She was still breathing. “Jane? What was that?” I asked in panic. “I just… took… a lot of… money from… the wrong type… of people,” Jane breathed out with difficulty, still holding tight to her sarcasm. “Banks are… better. Trust me.” “Jane… Wh… What should I do?” I asked helplessly. “Just… get out… of here,” Jane said. “It’s so sad… that we… met this… way.” “But why did they do that?” I insisted. “They were… bad,” Jane explained and started coughing. With her last cough her soul left her body. I couldn’t understand why would someone kill another person because of something called money. I wanted to get as far as possible from that place. I couldn’t stand seeing her blood and her soulless body. I ran and ran until I was out on a street where there were no cars but the broken ones. It seemed like an abandoned place. I walked silently, going through all what happened to me in the last week: my crime, the trial, the verdict and the murder. “Hey yo! What ‘re ya doin’ here?” someone asked aggressively. I looked back and saw a black young man playing with a knife in his hands and chewing something. And as every human, I guess, he waited for no answer, “This my territory! You should pay, ya know. A hundred bucks ‘ill do.” “Bucks?” I asked. “I don’t have any bucks.” “Wha’? Your *bunny* with me. Give me the damn money!” the young man yelled pointing the knife at me. “But I have no so called money,” I admitted. “Hey boys!” he called out. “We have an intruder who refuses to pay! We can’t let’im go, yo?” Instantly, three other similar youths came out of a door and approached us. “No money, ey?” “Listen, I don’t want any problems,” I said carefully looking at the knife as I knew that it could take away life. “I wandered here by mistake… I’ll leave now.” With no warning, one of the youths launched a punch into my face and knocked me off my feet. I was helpless – four against one. They simply started kicking me over and over as I could not move. Everything was becoming darker in my eyes and taste of blood was strong in my mouth when I heard a strange noise… I opened my eyes to see a woman standing in front of me with a small notebook and recording something down. I tried to stand up but she shook her head making her order as clear as it could be. “Sir, I must ask you some questions,” The woman said with a fake smile. “Introduce your self please.” After a pause of thinking I said, “My name is Angel and I was fired.” The woman hummed noting that down and said, “Where do you live?” “Nowhere currently,” I answered – it was difficult facing the truth. “I used to have a great house in heaven…” “Really? What were you doing in hell then?” she asked. “Hell? Am I in hell?” I asked in sudden panic. “No,” the woman said slowly raising her eyebrows. “Policemen say they found you there all beaten up… Never mind. So, Mr. Angel, do you have any relatives?” “No…” “Kate! Kate! Here! Fast!” someone yelled from outside the room. “I’ll be right back,” the woman said and rushed out. I lay for a minute thinking. How could guardians stand all that horrific life with humans and why ordinary angels were never told of anything about humans? I wanted to get out of that unpleasant room so I took the needle out of my hand and walked out. I wish I never came out of that room… A woman was lying on a bed with blood all over her clothes. She was crying and shouting out strange words. “Get her to emergency! Treat for pregnancy and sexual diseases!” a man shouted as she was taken away. “Fire burns! Says her friend did that!” another man shouted as he ran beside a woman with her face burned out. Wherever I looked I could see death, hate, and ruined lives… Suddenly, all I believed in seconds ago started fading away and turn into a good yet impossible dream. All my past life looked like fiction to me and this world was reality. Looking around, I met my reflection in a distant mirror. I was becoming different. My eyes were red… I was no more an angel... not even a Fallen Angel.