truirish's blog: "fakes"

   Some ask me how it is that every waking moment I get delt a shitty ass hand an some ppl continue to keep  wanting or needing things from me even though they know all to well that I don't have much to give let alone be able to support myself. But,I keep trying my best and still no ounce of a break nor peace in sight. So when asked why haven't you given in or gave up? How can you still smile and joke and get up in the day to keep pushing on?

  Well I have 4 females in my life that have been through hell and back in so many different ways and times through their lives.

My grandmother has wisdom that surpasses the greatest of minds, even in the darkest of times she can walk through the thickest of shadows

with no pause nor fear as if she created her own guiding light made of her faith, purity, and just plain Grace.

                                               That is where I get my faith and smile in the middle of complete chaos.

     My mother has been throwin in the devils washing maichine and most times it seems as if she has been on a constant spin and it looking like it will never stop beating at her, But, still she finds her way out wipes herself and grins. No matter the crisis I have never seen the slightest bit of weakness, for she is a true woman of poise, strength, and her heart shines so very bright that even the sun itself sees green with envy.

She has been beat down and lied to more times than most people speak truth and the beauty she carries within her golden heart and the strength corusing through her body she can still remain whole, determined to never let anyone make her a victim and she makes me proud to call her my mom

                 She is where I get my power and strength to wake up an push forward because I have seen in my mom and grandma almost everything  I know, I want to grow to become. My mom is beauty and courage

  Now that leaves me to the last 2, They are tender, trusting,strong but gentle.

In their eyes I see the woman that I need to be an could always grow to become.

But, most of all, they are the sweetiest sneakiest, and the most alluring set of hearts and souls that leave ME, the one completely and utterly honored everytime they smile, look up at me, and call me MOM.

     So when these people ask me how, after so much pain and deceit in my life that i could still be sane an can wake up in the mornings as I still smile?

 Well, thats simple....I have the wisdom and faith that things will not always end in hurt.

I have the beauty an strength to stand up, face the drama an pain of everyday life to show those who enjoy my sufferin

that they won't be rejoicing for much longer because they will NEVER break me.

     I can smile and laugh, live and love fully because I have 2 priceless angels that depend on my guidance,my hugs, my kisses and those words of complete and wondrous pride to say they are mine and they love me, whole heartedly, with no regrets, no strings attached, just with pure trust and addmeration.

     Now with all that I have going for me how could anyone ask me such a ridiculous questions. When I have had so much in my life to learn from and look forward too everyday, this daughter, grand daughter , mother and most of all this Woman couldnt be blessed with more .

the smiles u see, the heart that beats, the tears that stream, the hand shakes, the hugs, the kisses, the praises and the toasts, the loving gestures, the words of faithfulness, the words of caring and love, the feeling of safety and protection, Those 3 words that falls from the lips is all.. FAKE... who really can say they will fully love someone without being able to love themselves who can sit back and embrace my beast or hurt or fears and my walls if they cant ever embrace themselves dont u dare come to me and say * when u cry ill be there to wipe every tear, that when u bleed and hurt ill hold u and protect u when u need love ill give it * dont u dare look me in the eyes and tell me everything will be fine when in ur heart u dont beleive it dont u dare tell me u love me and promise me the world and turn when i need u the most, im tired of lies, betrayals, and disappoinments, just let me be if u cant honestly take my hand look me in the eyes and say * no matter what this world of denyal brings to the table i wont stand behind u i wont stand in front of u but i will stand next to u all the way fight beside u and love with u till the world brings us to our end together*