Teddy Bear's blog: "Depression"

My entire life, I have always done what I thought was right. I was kind to those around me, even if they weren't so kind to me. Remembering never to judge others for any reason. Always willing to be a friend to anyone who needed one, no matter who they were, where they were from or what they had done. Reaching out to anyone in need and helping in any way I possibly could even if they were a stranger on the street. I've been this way because I have always had a genuine love for humanity. Even as a child in school, my own bully would beat me up and ten minutes later come back and ask me if I had a dollar so they could get a soda at lunch because that's all they would be able to get. I would give it to them. But now, I look at my life and who I am and have to wonder if maybe I'm wrong. I continue to give and to love and to reach out......while a bully keeps pounding me further and further down. There's no one there to reach out to me in my time of need. I'm struggling and all used up now, so I don't matter any more. My friends and my family have all turned their backs because I can't do anything for them right now. So, they're letting me fall. So, today is it. After today, I will no longer be who I once was. I think I see the world for what it really is now. I'm tired of losing everything and pretending it's ok. I'm tired of being stomped on and pretending it doesn't hurt. I'm tired of faking a smile. I'm tired of empty promises. Today, I failed to find the help I needed to make it out of a horrible mess. Because of that, I lose everything.  I can't even count the number of people I've pulled from a spot like this. But I'm on my own. After today, I wouldn't want to be the next person that even considers asking for my help. I won't be doing that anymore. I won't be praying anymore either. My prayers are never heard, so I'm going to find something better to do with my time. This has been a big wake up call today. I just wish it had happened sooner. So much of my life seems to have been wasted.