Jayme Chaos's blog: "we should have guessed"

Through the years of study and the patience i have exerted through the timeless errors of my ways, i have to come to realize certain things. One of them being, you can not take people for who they say they are. Some people put on this face like... "I'm going to help you...im your friend" ...and the first second they get, they stab you in the back.

I would like to believe that i am a good friend. I talk to you when you need to vent, i hug you when youre crying or upset, i keep secrets if i am asked to... etc.....becoming a part of someone's life is easy for me to do...because i have such a huge heart. I wear my feelings on my sleeve...i desire only good things to come for those who have impacted my life. And i see now... thats a flaw....

But, i am so sick and tired of being treated like a complete fool...when all i have done is put my heart on the line and dedicate every waking moment (when im not at work) to something bigger then the pathetic lives of people. Whats so wrong with wanting to change things? Whats so wrong with desiring MORE? BETTER?

Im sorry if this offends you...in any way at all...but now i see who are my true friends and the real people in my life who want the same as I...But, Im used to seeing the backs of the men in my life...I'm used to seeing them flake out and back away from greatness at the FIRST chance of opportunity...i am NOT your marionette that you can dangle from your fingertips...i am NOT some toy you can toss aside whenever you feel like things arnt going your way...i am NOT a blemish on your world...

Im done with disappointment!! Im through with being made to feel incompetent. You want things done "right"....do them yourself.

I have done nothing but put my heart behind certain things...and still, im treated like im useless...

So.

Here i stand...once again. No more open hearted, heart on sleeve, fun, loving Jayme...now, Im straight up Chaos...and i will do things MY way.

Until we meet again.