Facing Myself
Reflecting upon me is like prying my teeth out of cement.
I need to learn 2 face my desire to conquer my fears.
How can I when I can’t even face you?
My will is strong like my belief in God,
But
I lose it all when I think of you.
Trouble is brewing within the depth of my soul.
My heart is flutter like flaming wings.
Reflecting upon me is like a drifting car spinning over the cliff of love.
Where is the science to keep me from falling in love?
How can deal with my emotion for you when my emotion is twisted in knots?
My heart and soul is chained to your haunting look of love that is not there for me.
Paparazzi are blinding me with their entire picture taking of my weeping sorrow.
My tears flow like the rainstorm upon me.
I am lost in my dark dilemma of loving you.
How can I face myself, when I can face my wicked thoughts of you?
Reflecting in the dark mirror of shadow, I see you once again.
How can everything lead me back to you?
I flip a page.
I talk to someone.
Everything comes to full circle to my hardship of trying to get over you.
What I see is not what I like.
I scream for escape,
But
I come to know, I am not facing you, so I can not face myself, until I do.
Reflecting within depth of my heart and soul, I find there is no light shining there.
My hands tremble like branches of lost time upon a Weeping Willow tree.
My love is painted upon blank canvas like oil that will never fade away from your essence.
The haunting whisper surrounding me is screaming out your name over and over again.
Their haunting words of my love for you begin to rape my confused mind.
I seek salvation in darkness,
But
I only find your arms pulling back into your essence.
Reflecting of me has now begun my endless nightmare of you.
Once I asked can I dream wicked thoughts of you.
Now it has become your deadly hold upon me.
I weep my sorrow.
I moan out your name.
I reach out into the cold and dark mist of shame.
Your hand is not there.
Nor are any words of love for me being spoken by you.
Reflecting….
Not any more.
I turn my back on my feelings and twisted emotion for you.
No longer are my hands reaching out to you.
My heart and soul is closed off.
I only require the darkness to kiss me with its fatal kiss.
I ask to be set free.
Facing my-self would mean….
No longer would I be denying my feelings or twisted emotion for you, if I faced you.
Why must I reflect?
When there is no logical reasoning in me loving you.
Should you be the one facing yourself in the way you treat me with your silence?
I guess I should have seen it coming.
I should have known you were not real enough to be true as I am.
My heart and soul was open to you.
I offer you too much of me, even without telling you I was giving you all me.
Now here I am fighting myself because I must face myself over loving you.
Here I am reflecting and losing all control over myself.
My aching heart wants to move away from loving you.
My soul weeps my pain and sorrow in silence.
My body trembles with need of your touch.
Do you care about my hidden dreams of us sharing things?
Facing myself and wishing I had the strength to face you.
I am sorry I don’t have the courage to trust and place faith in myself to where we can meet.
Why I am beating myself over facing myself because you don’t love me in the same way I love you?
Reflecting once again I am upon my selfish desires for you.
Longing and denying myself the emotion and depth I feel for you.
Tossing and turning like demon upon a roast rod over a slow burning fire of torture.
How did I get here?
I feel in love with a dream man.
I woke believing he was more than just a dream.
My tongue slides across my lips that thirsty of you taste upon them.
My heart and soul has become a bloodsport over you.
Reflecting….
Reflecting…..
How I wish I could be free of my love for you?
Depth of soul knows you are the chosen one to love.
My weeping heart is damn forever because of you.
Shall my tears always fall upon me like a rain?
Hellfire is raging within me like horrific shadow upon my essence.
Reflecting once again, I am.
Refusing too see the truth for my rosey blinders.
Hating myself because of what I can’t do.
Facing myself…
Hell no.
I run away into the darkness from myself and you.
I no longer have the strength to fight myself.
Hell, I back at reflecting on my-self again, reflecting on you and facing the reality I love you.
©2009 Firestar
