Bleah. That's how I feel about our new American Idol Jordin Sparks and her fake-as-a-wedding-cake antics. But at least it's all over now, right? The two-plus hour season finale wasn't all bad. Carrie Underwood's "She's Leaving Home" got nice once she settled into it and it was cute to see that crying little girl (not to mention Sanjaya) back in action. Oh, and Kelly Clarkson was awesome. Beyond that, well, as we bid this season goodbye (until Aug. 4 at the X, that is) I give you the top 10 worst moments of the finale: 10) The time-wasting, uncomfortable and insulting (and not in a good way) Golden Idols. 9) Clive Davis' rambling, error-laden speech. (Dude, Carrie Underwood has made your company millions, so don't you think it's worth your time to remember the name of her breakthrough hit?) 8) Greasy old Constantine Maroulis hamming it up for the camera. 7) Blake's beat-boxing/rapping duet with Doug E. Fresh, which proved that when it comes to rocking the mic, the runner-up lands somewhere between David Silver and Bud Bundy in the mad skills department. 6) Smokey Robinson's budget plastic surgery. (That said, his line of frozen soul-food TV dinners are surprisingly delicious.) 5) Tony Bennett's screaming. 4) Bette Midler's -- uh, I don't know what I'd call it, but it was awful. (And you got the sense midway through even she realized what a crap job she was doing.) 3) That mouth-breathing Green Day drummer mugging for the camera and threatening to destroy what was otherwise a decent performance. 2) The fact that Jordin's win was announced four full minutes after the show was supposed to be over (and four minutes after the DVR of anyone who was taping it shut itself off). 1) Taylor Hicks. Everything about him.
