Pause's blog: "Everyone in his life would mistake it as love..."

this pen hasnt touched paper in days, whats the point, theres nothing left. was anything ever what it seems, hey man could you just point me in the right direction, i have it in my hands but i cant read the map, i fucked up at the intersection, im on the wrong path. im done with this place and all it put me through, break the bottles and cut my wrists my open eyes point foreward but i only see the past. this pen hasnt touched paper in days, theres no point i have nothing to say, look into my eyes theres nothing left. this place got bigger and it just assumes theres always a bright side, well hey mister do the things you love hold you back? its not like it matters what the hells left if i dont buy myself? with my heart in my hand i must make this decision, love it or leave it, this games over but i still cant hear the whistle blow. if you need a shoulder, lean on me, im lost in the memory of you, i'll leave the door open, wrap your arms around my neck, get the gun and play russian roulette, pull your body closer to me, with an 8% chance close your eyes and squeeze.

fuck you. fuck you and every fucking thing you ever fucking stood for. 17 fucking years and i never questioned anything you said, i believed every fucking word that came out of your mouth. now, i dont know what the fuck to believe. it hurts me now to even fucking look at you. you've turned my whole goddamned life upside down in one fucking day. i dont even know who i am anymore. you fucking broke me. i feel broken, no, i feel dead. yes, i fucking blame you, because it's your fault, it's your fault i hurt, it's your fault it's hard to love, it's your fault i'm insecure, it's your fault im so self-destructive, and the truth is ive had enough, dont fucking say sorry its far too late for that. and no i dont hope you die, i hope you live long enough to see that all along you were wrong about me, in fact i hope you live long enough for me to crush everything you ever loved, just like you did to me

im at my all time low but it feels so familiar and maybe its my fault, maybe i made this mess, but tommorow ill be gone so tonight i say goodbye, dont try to make me stay theres no one left to tell me the truth, maybe this is just one more mistake i have to live with the rest of my life, but i took one last walk around town, saw all my favorite spots, i watched them fall, i laid under the stars and made my plans. its time for me to face all my past mistakes, time for me to count my scars, time for me to apologize, i feel this may be the end, so let me apologize while im still alive, and if you wont forgive me then its gonna kill me for the rest of my life.

when I say I love you understand that I mean it when I say I miss you know that im really crying when I call you a jerk just know it means I love you when I say you’re beautiful you better believe it If I don’t see you for months know that every second im thinking of you when I stare into your eyes know im thinking of the future every time I smile it’s because im thinking of you when I hold you understand that I’m content when I tell you nothings wrong understand I meant to say everything when you’re not around know you’re all that’s on my mind when you are around know you’re still all that’s on my mind and when I tell you I love you understand I really mean it.

Everything you ever need to learn is not taught in the school system but rather in the heart alone. school doesnt teach you love or passion or beauty or even freedom. these are things we must teach ourselves, and through learning these things we must also learn pain,failure,hate,depression and perhaps even death. during these times life will feel ugly and you will be hurt but wear your scars like beautiful jewlry and remember god loves ugly. love alone is worth every bit of pain you will ever recieve ans love...well love is like oxygen, love lifts us up where we belong in fact all you need is love. and education system that does not teach love is useless as a life without love is like running a marathon without legs, you dont know life until you know love. Pain however comes with love but we must remember it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, as the greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.

i cry out to you my tears splash across your face but im not there, when i look into your eyes, it's like im nowhere you hide behind your lies building walls that i despise. you say "i love you" just 3 words 8 letters that i fight cuz when i hear your words slur i know that i'm right you're drunk again i can smell it on your breath, the poison drips down your chin and i hate you, 3 words couldn't be more true because im leaving this place, gotta take a step forward if you wanna win the race but tonight im drowning in a pool of my own sorrow maybe i'll wake up refreshed, wake up to a better tomorrow, tonight i'll picture pain i'll paint it with my blood, a self-portriat dramatic and morbid but the odds of you finding any appreciation is too slim, i'll keep my outlook grim.

i'll run so fucking far from here they'll all wonder how i got so far they'll remember when i dissapear they'll see all my scars for once and all i'll prove them wrong show them that i can i'll drive through them with my song make them see i'm proud of who i am this is the last time they anger me last time they bring me down this is the last time im hurt by them last time i listen to their lie im leaving tomorrow it wont hurt if im not around i will leave emotionless, you wont ever see me cry

I’ll walk away from you I’ll walk away today I’ll walk away from you I’ll walk so far away I’ll walk a million fucking miles away so you can be ok Don’t look back please don’t look for me don’t look back please don’t look for me don’t look back I’m too far gone for you to see don’t look back, let me walk away let me set you free don’t cry and it wont hurt hate me and you wont be sad don’t look back and you wont remember but listen to the words and you’ll understand I did this so you can see you deserve much better than me.

im sick to my stomach thinking of my actions. dying so slowly a death by bad intentions. so just ignore me thats what hurts the most. lose a freind and you lose the world. you wont even tell me that im dead you just act like im not there. you crushed my lungs and left me alone in the dark. i cant scream, i cant even breathe. i thought you were there, reached out but you weren't it was only a lie. simple deception left me unwaivered. simple illusions but i bought em all. plotting without me but always about me. well this is the means to an end, a tragedy, a death. im drowning but you dont care. in a year you'll remember, wonder where did he go. dont bother, i was never here so just forget me. i'll live alone in a faceless existence. so pay attencion not to my face but my voice, cuz i'll smile when i tell you that you had a choice and you fucked up so im leavin you im not your toy. this is the life that i choose not the life that i want. you walked away while i was beggin you to stay now im all alone what a shame. i was never depressed cuz you were never my friend. i was always opressed and now ive found the end. you were always to much trouble. when i was with you it was like two geniouses trying to put together a blank puzzle. so this is where we end this time for real. am i ok? no let me tell you how i feel. I lost a friend today, no, i lost the world today.