Dear Sarah ,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our socks don't really match. I think I realized it When your dog humped my leg In your closet and I saw you Put whipped cream on Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection. I'm sure you're Frostbitten enough to understand That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid. I'm returning Our matching snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep Your glass eye as a memory. You should also know that I Was interviewed about the car you stole and you should stop picking your nose
Kiss my butt,
Candice
Dear ,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).
(12),
(Your name)
1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Grey- Our socks don't match
Green - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other -
2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When you smacked my ass
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I quoted Forest Gump
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When u finally changed ur underwear
3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna-In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper
4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Carve your initials into
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Put whipped cream on
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over
5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons-Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - vexed
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Other - Slutty
7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exsist
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks
8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
Red - Your toe ring
Yellow - The cut toenails
Grey - Your Hannah Montanna underwear
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
White - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink(ish) - Your love letters to me
Other - The pictures from Vegas
9) The first letter of your first name?
A/N- Your mom
C/X - Your glass eye
E/V - Your neighbour’s dog
G/T - The oil tank from your car
I/R - Your left ear
K/P - The results of that blood-sample
M/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
O/L - My common sense
S/H - My virginity
U/F - Your criminal record
W/J – Your sucide note
Y/B - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name?
A/Z - Haven’t showered in a month
C/X - Always will remember the pep talks
E/V - am better off without you
G/T – Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
I/R – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/P - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/D - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/S - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/N - Always wanted to break your legs
L/H - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/F - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/J - Hate your cooking
Y/B – Never will forget that night
11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism Is Weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Other – Thanks for the Cocaine
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Italy - Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt –Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself