Most people look at their birthdays as a celebration for another year of life. However, my birthdays have become dreaded. Its not because I become older, that I'm okay with. But my birthday marks the beginning of some emotionally difficult times for me.
March 17, 2003 is a day I began to change who I am. It is the day I held my first true angel in my arms. The day my 2nd son was born without life, 5 weeks before his due date. The day that I saw that life is TOO short. The day I realized that I would never be the same mother, or the same woman again. It has been nearly 6 years, but I still grieve the loss of my son. He was one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen.
April 24, 2007 is the day I held my 3nd true angel in my arms. My 3rd son, passed away at 9 months of age. I found him in his bed not breathing that day, and tried to breathe life back into him. I was not successful. He was the most beautiful baby I've had the privilege to spend time with. He had a spirit like no other person I've met. As much pain, and suffering as he went through during his short time on earth.... he was still the happiest baby I will ever know.
July 4, 2003 I held my 2nd true angel in my arms. I was blessed to have met my nephew, who died within minutes after birth from a heart defect. He was absolutely beautiful, and perfect in every other way.
I am fortunate, to have been able to hold so many angels here on earth. I have realized that I am strong woman to have survived the deaths of 2 sons. I grieve daily for the loss of the beautiful children in my life. But, at the same time, I celebrate the lives of my friends, family and loved ones.
I hate this time of year.... it always brings up hard memories.