gawain77the gentle cowboy's blog: "everday life"

every time a friend needs help I'm always there no matter what the price whether it costs me physically, emotionally, or physically. b/c my friends mean the world to me. but there is a time when enuff is enuff. if my friends in ny want my help fine. BUT RETURN the kindness. don't say you will help and don't show up. I almost got evicted b/c a friend didn't show up to help clean like they said they would. I have to much other junk to deal with. like finding out if I can sue my hospital for a mis diagnose of my knee. when they refused to look at it. all the dr said was I sprained it and to stay off it. which I was doing for a whole week before I went the ER. and told the doctor I was staying off it. I go on vacation and end up in the ER again and the dr did a complete work up. he took x-rays and had me bend my knee. and come to find out I tore my meniscus. and had to get an MRI .(which I had today) so I'm hoping I have a lawsuit against either the hospital or the dr

there is something I don't understand about myself. why is it every time i start to feel a certain way towards someone. something happens to prevent it from fully happening. but everything does happen for a reason. it bothers me now b/c there is someone I truly care about and i'm afraid to tell her my true feelings.

What is love we ask ourselves? Is it real? Or is it fantasy? Love can be both. It is real. It is also fantasy. Love is like nature's beautiful song. a poem I wrote and had published

whats the point in trying to better myself. if the closer I get to achieving my goals. the more obstacles are placed in front of me. I just found out that if I leave for basic training I will be homeless upon my return. and with my business I have orders i can't fill b/c I either don't have the mold or the scent. the orders I do get barely cover the cost of my supplies. and my family doesn't want to help me get more orders. I just wish I knew what to do.

lets see here where to begin. I consider my childhood as a living hell. when I was 2 my real mother threw me off a 3 story balcony. while we were living in Germany. I ended up breaking both elbows and my left wrist. on the way to the hospital the medics had to revive me. I was forced to ride in a cardboard box on the back of my dad's moped when he took me with him to Alabama from Georgia. I was abused. physically,mentally, and sexually. I'm not looking for anyones sympathy or pity. I have come to terms with it all. I was thrown into foster care which wasn't much better. I was still abused physically and left home alone alot. I was finally adopted when I was 11yrs old. I thought my life would get better. but it really didn't I had only one parent that really cared and loved me. and that is my mom.

empathy is very interesting. since it acts like a double edged sword. a person with empathy can be there for their loved ones. b/c they know that something is wrong. they may not always know what exactly is wrong. but yet its very difficult to focus on ones own feelings. with the feelings of everyone else getting in the way. me and someone i'm close to. were talking about it recently. and it made me realize just how difficult being an empath really is. my first empathic experience was when I was 3yrs old. I had a dream that my birth father fell of the back of a duece and a half.(military transport truck. for non mil personell)and that his arm was in a sling. I woke up screaming and told my birth mother about it and was slapped in the face for it. but low and behold 15 min later my father walks in the door. and that's exactly what happened

one of my goals in life is to learn how to ride a horse and go on an old-fashioned cattle drive.

ok this may sound like a silly dream . but I would love to appear ringside with mr kennedy as his guest. i've always been a fan of his. b/c of his style. he isn't afraid to take on anyone. including the deadman himself. or the big red machine. for those that don't know much about WWE. i'm referring to the undertaker and kane.