Today, through no fault of my own, I found out my ex is getting married.
My friends assure me she'll be miserable, that she'll self destruct on that dumb fuck as bad or worse than she did on me, and that I shouldn't concern myself.
The weird thing is, I didn't.
I keep expecting something to break, some primordeal injured scream to fall out, but it's not even numbness, its the absence of numb.
I'm scared of that.
I got the job, I start in December. I spent all of tonight with an old friend and her complete double, her sister, and Mr. Perfect guitar player with a dreamy john mayer voice. I went from being the alpha suave depressed poet to chewed meat when the guitar hero entered. God do ALL girls get gooey instantly for musicians and soldiers?
The poet never gets his fucking due.
I'm not depressed (MOREso)
I'm not drunk, but I really feel like I should be both.
The flashbacks are back. I don't recall the drive home.
Did I mention my life is one long episode of PTSD?
It makes me hard to live with
so I've heard.
