Mistress Tonie's blog: "Poetry"

Emotional Tidal Wave

 
A lonely heart in torment and sorrow like the galaxy in the universe of stars yet unborn.  Sadness seen with the eyes blue like a clear summer sky.  Lost in fear and tears and my words fall upon deaf ears.  I’m screaming within the silence yet no sound is escaping these trembling lips.  My eyes need to dry from the stormy days that need to pass.  Wanting it to end but still there is no end in sight for the earthquake upon my knees.
 
Betrayed like storm clouds closing in just to release pain and destruction.  Anger builds inside like a contractor builds the skyline above city streets.  Wanting to lash out and bring pain to others the way they’ve brought it to my innocent heart.  Wounds start to heal as if covered by the band-aid of hope just to be reopened by the carving knife on Thanksgiving Day.  When does all the pain stop just to feel comfort within one’s self?  Is hurt, suffering, and sorrow all that this body will ever feel while it gives love to other’s around it?
 
Insides shattering like glass hitting the floor.  Silence falling like air through the dark night sky.  Only loneliness to fill my eyes during the midnight slumber.   Stopping I wait to see what will come next.  Still nothing to bring my heart back to peace of long ago upon the sands of time.
 
 
The moon shines down upon the oceans horizon as the rain splashes the surface as a baby does in the pools childhood playtime.  We grow and blossom into adults only to lose what innocence we once had.  Losing faith as one loses their virginity to love just to long for the innocence of a childhood memory that rides the Milky Way of time in a galaxy forgotten.
 
 
 
It’s hard to find such a pure and true heart that can love until every breath is gone.  To know what you have you must lose it first.  A heart breaks like thunder through a dark sky of an Apache Tear.  However the lightening flashes through the ocean blue eyes of a lonely soul. A soul lost to never feel the kind of love it gives to the one it loves so purely.
 
 
 
He walked by like a shadow on the ground.  As a storm conjured through words of hate.  Pain he brings through slamming her against the cold hard cement wall.  Fear driving through my heart like the steel of a medieval sword.  Trembling with tears of rain flowing over my eyes.  His lips fall of hate like fire in a blazing pit upon my skin.  Wanting to die like a dying rose in the fall.  My razor sharp teeth puncturing his coal black skin, my torment finally has come to an end.
 
 
 
The skies where the heavens meets the Earth were gloomy from deceit.  Nothing could calm the tidal waves of emotions flowing from the finger tips of the insane.  She’s a stick to be broken and buried in the sands of hell.  There will be no sunlight until the deceit within this corrupted world finds it’s destiny from my fists of anger and pain.  Lightening bolts have threatened these blue eyes of clear summer skies.  She deserves to burn like coals on the grill of fire.  No respect is in her grasps.  A Queen Bee she has pissed off and it’s ready to sting.
 
 
His smile is genuine and sincere as his gaze graces her presence.  He looks at her heart through the lines she has drawn from the image above.  He kneels to play for others things he used to play for me and has no longer found it in himself to do any longer.  Tonight he has pride with children and beauty.  Pride that he has lost in his eyes for me and I know not why.  Pain is in my heart for now I know that he will never be mine.  I just wish that once he would look my way and really want to.  To show any love in the glances that he steals from time to time.  I need something inside and out that it seems now I will never find.  All my joy is slipping away as I have begun to fade into the nothingness that all has seen.  Time to walk away but without the strength to do so any more.  So now my heart will suffer from something I can’t have in this galaxy of a roller coaster that we call life.
 
 
 
 
He’ll never notice the pain in my eyes from what is shared and hidden.  He hides from me and all within himself.  Tears build as I sit and write from his ignorance of pain and heartache.  Never will he share himself with me.  He no longer shares my words of the heart with me nor does he even try.  I know not what to do without his glances any more nor does my heart know how to deal with his ignoring presence while I’m in the same room with him.
 
 
 
 
Overcasts cover a heart that belongs no where. Tears of ice flow from the hurt that resides deep inside. There seems to be nothing to hold a heart together in the end. Fear trembles through veins from wince blood ran free. Shivers shudder down a spine no longer able to bear the weight of burden it carries.
 
 
 
Sunsets like diamonds in gold. Silver sparkles like tinsel on the Christmas tree. The light blinding like angels in the clouds rays of hope stinging like a jellyfish floating in the sea. There is no tomorrow for like broke soul destiny showing it’s face like a shadow upon the sidewalk. The gleam is ocean blue eyes fade to darkness like the night sky. Only clouds surround me now.
 
 
 
Alcohol runs through my veins like water through the faucets of time. A heart trying to be of stone but breaks like glass upon the rocks of time. The corals of colors upon the floor of an ocean glimmers the words that flow from my lips. Love like whispers upon leaves blowing in the wind during the fall. Nothing yet everything wrong upon the mind of a fallen angel.
 
 
 
 
Silence begins to echo through the heart pure and broken. A mind losing a battle against reality. A scent of vanilla fills the air that I breathe. Her voice like angels singing. Her eyes holding so much of the universe with every sparkle that shines. Hair golden like spun silk. Skin soft and gentle as a breeze upon my face. I long to hold her near me again but she is lost to me in the end.
 
 
 
Days grow long and cold as a woman treads through the trenches of dreary heartache. A heart pure like wintry snow. Hair as black as the midnight star struck sky. Loving and caring for all around, Asking and wanting very little from life that flutters around her like the soft delicate wings of a butterfly. Destined to find a place to belong within a world of darkness, hatred, pain, and selfishness. Where does a fallen angel find a place among the chaos of disrespect? Does this woman deserve to belong no where or be appreciated for the things she tries to do for others?
 
 
 
Emotions spiraling like a cork from a wine bottle. Tears fall from reasons unknown. Conversations rattle around and I have no part in them. This road winding like a tape in a player. Existing but never seen. Words spoken and never heard. Knowing that there is no place for me to be. My life shortens each day still I have no place. Searching for something that seems to never be found.  Excitement doesn’t reside within me and I have no way to find it. So here I am fading to my last breath. A last breath that all will forget.
 
 
Two sides of a coin. A rose sings so sweet with the scent of confusion. Leary of everything cause nothings what it seems. Two faces of deception and a mind has lost its state of sanity. Now will be the same for a coin with two sides of confusion.
 
 
 
She is the side everyone dreads to see. There is no sunshine when her presence is felt. Energy is wasted to subdue the evil that becomes her. The glass silently crushes beneath the fee of those that run upon air. There seems to be no escape from the demon she will be. She is destined to damn a pure heart to an eternity in hell where the fires burn high and scorch the flesh of anything pure and good. She has become an evil so unspeakable that fleeing becomes easier than suffering the pain she inflicts upon those around her.
 
 
Time drifts so slowly like a snail. Then as time drifts it becomes so irrelevant of material things. Everything becomes clearer of what should be important. You do the best with what you have and learn to cherish those closest to you. Money isn’t important but the love you give and receive. My life is short but I leave knowing I loved and was loved in return.
 
 
 
Life drifts by like rain upon the window. As love grows in hearts it also dies like leaves in the fall. Nothing was made to last until the end. As the stars light falls and the moon’s glow changes nothing lasts. As dreams become reality they are also ripped from us just as a heart can be ripped apart. Yet one’s smile seems to be all that will remain.
 
 
 
Laughter fills the air like a reminisce of a playground. Yet silence still surrounds me. My skin crawls like bugs on a wall. Skin tearing like a snake shedding. There seems to be no peace to find. There seems to be no walls to hide behind. The end is there but I can’t touch. Even a new beginning is in sight yet I can’t feel it. My body wanting to give but my mind won’t allow it nor will the people around me.
 
Fear is not that of which you see but hidden far beneath. It can’t be explained with words but only seen by one’s actions and expressions. No matter how one can write with words that flow like waterfalls flowing from finger tips still it can’t be seen. Fear can’t be felt by another like rain. People don’t realize how much fear is really around. Most ignore fear thinking it will dissipate like dew drops upon the spring grass. Yet fear remains and surrounds all around.
 
 
 
Nothing makes sense in a world of existence that is flooded with judgment and hate. There’s no comfort in smiles or pain. There’s no pay at the end of a long hard day. There’s no place for a wandering lost soul. Wings are broken and one can’t fly. Words of encouragement only denied. I’m lost and broken there’s no hope now.
 
 
 
It courses through the river in my veins and is never seen. Contact becomes containment to all around me. Fear drives them away before it takes them. A time to live turns to tragedy as life has no meaning. Wanting what is denied I lie in waiting for the end as another river sheds. 
 
 
 
Where are true friends when you need them? Do they run away and hide in the brush like a snake in the grass?  Do they reach out only when you do not need them like a murder of crows? Are they only there to pick you apart like vultures upon the desert ground while the flaming sun scorches your skin? True friends are really never there when you need them.
 
 
 
Lost with a heart pure as the winter snow. Bleeding inside amongst the chaos that surrounds me. Feeling worthless without accomplishment. Learning to accept there is no help for the weak.  Weak as a helpless animal striving to survive then let’s death overcome its very being. Hopeless cause change will never come only when it’s too late. Outside I’m smiling but inside I’m dying while the jagged blade thrusts deep into my soul.
 
 
 
Where does a heart draw the line? Will it always sacrifice its own happiness for others to be happy? Will it always be a rug to be walked upon without regard? There are days this heart struggles along the wild vines to beat a rhythm. Other days its rhythm becomes faint and wants to be molded within the Earth’s soil. A heart is a diamond as precious as the midnight sky. One that should be cherished as that of a smiling child. Take the key that I have given thee and guard it with a flaming torch. If thou should give it back then no breath shall I breathe. Then I’ll only be a whisper upon the wind.
 
 
 
One day I’ll be gone and your happiness will take you through galaxies unexplored so seize the moment on my next song and make it yours. As it is for you both. I can sing it without him but it’s you both completely.
 
 
 
Soul mates ripped apart by promises to be kept. Hearts denied a destiny deserved. A love had to only be pushed aside. A third heart not wanting to deny. Giving the other hearts a desire that has grown into flames that light a midnight sky. The third heart willing to step aside. Knowing what loving a heart that you can’t touch will do to the beauty of the soul.Grey skies cast shadows over the summer day as my heart is in turmoil and conflict.I’m lost and wilting away in despair. My pedals are falling around me. Storm clouds surround me. Teetering with the dangers time has bestowed on the wings.Tears flow like a sparkling raging waterfall. A heart shattered with loss and despair. A loss of love and friends has broken this fallen angels wing. Peace is all I need.If a raindrop was a kiss I’d send you a storm. If a smile was water I’d send you the sea. If you need a lover and companion I’ll send you me.A child is the dream of the future. A gem shining like the ocean in the starlight. The promise of everything good in a mother’s heart. A bond of courage to always carry on. The tears of joy and happiness that is only see in the eyes of a mother with love. A love priceless and can’t be destroyed even when miles have set them apart.Loneliness consumes me sometimes even when I’m surrounded. The only sounds I hear come from inside a box or my head. Longing for silence to end and promises of living to begin. I’m drowning from inside this cage. My words cutting like a knife in a game. There’s no contact amongst so called friends unless a Master be around. In the end I won’t have lived but been lonely again.In life some were meant to be happy while others were only meant to happy helping others. How does one find happiness when helping others is taken away? A life mission no longer existing. The little things of enjoyment disappearing as though they never were. Memories gone to never be thought of again. Scents not scared because they were never smelled. A touch forgotten form fear of pain. Nothing matters because it’s not the same.Twisting and turning trying to live a life of pleasure only for it to never have existed. Pain and body shutting down and taking the things I enjoy away. No reasons to smile or laugh. Singing with no meaning. Stuck in a room expecting to be happy but unhappiness and ridicule is all I find. There is no change or light. There is no rainbow in sight.Shadows grow dark around me like the coffin I’m laid in. Energies flow wild like blood from open veins. No longer me but only the stranger underneath. I’m not real but what inhabits me. Tonie isn’t free but a prisoner in me. The presence is strong of death and decay.A fallen angel crashes to the ground like bricks hitting the ocean floor. She bounces as if she’s jumping upon feathered pillows. Her wings broken with blood spreading like a plague swarming over Egypt. There’s no end to her pain and suffering. A heart torn apart like storms destroying the crops.Rivers well upon the bright blue sky. A heart shattering like glass upon stone. Dreams struck down by lightening through the sky. A body never to be whole with the spirit within. A spirit to never soar.The pain of loss overwhelming to the heart of uncertainty. Tears shed a river rushing to an ocean of calamity and purity. Blue shies fade to grey with unpleasant thoughts of life that wouldn’t breathe. Life that never cradled next to a nurturing bosom of love and smiles. The days of breathing numbered just to never nurture and love a new born life again. Bleeding only like a dying rose inside.My heart aches from pain inflicted by my soul mate. Inside I’m dying to never be whole again. Goodbye love for I’ll never forget what we shared. Always Mistress Anna’s lost love.My heart breaks like shattering glass. No relief from the endless pain. Dying by drainage of blood is the only way the pain will be gone. Hurting inside is all I’m worth.Pain vibrates through my inner being. Pain of wanting you near me. To touch me in every place that’s unknown in this galaxy. Pleasure growing within. Sensing the tip of your man hood caressing my hot moist opening. Your tongues flicking each nipple as you plunge deep inside me. My moans growing louder as you bring me to ecstasy.A heart is nothing more than a tile laid upon the cold hard ground. Though fragile it survives the wear and tear it goes through daily. It can be broken and mended but not without scars left behind. It can be thrown out with the trash when it no longer belongs with another. It cries tears of blood even though another will never understand. Another gives no chance to what’s opened up in front of it. Looking through another as it glass upon the windowsill. Blowing air not felt on a summer’s day. Once again this hearts been thrown away.The world’s a dark and dreary place of hatred and confusion. A butterfly stuck between worlds now suffocates only to be conformed.The sky changes color with the setting of the sun at dusk. Leaves have begun fading from green as the seasons drift by. Dawn becomes a time to dance amongst the crashing waves. A heart once dying strives to blossom a myst the rain. Words flow forth to forget the pain of yesterday. A new break of breathe flows upon the breeze that brings hope and light into eyes so blue.Feet don’t fail me now. Heart be strong and don’t crumble. Mind be there and don’t leave. Souls fly me to a place I can be free. Passion be true to love.The days have grown short like stars in a city sky. Tears raging like ocean waves upon the rocky cliffs. A heart breaks for love it leaves behind. A journey starting anew for a child that’s terrified. Horizon’s taken to the North when still a part of that heart remains in the South where thoughts became clear.My heart breaks like ice from the sky. Blood flows like a raging rapid river. The days grow dim like stars fading in the galaxy. My wings attempt to help me fly yet falling is all I do. My vision blurs with a milky residue. Inside I grow numb as feelings grow blue.~Crying rivers as tears flow from the sky. My dreams fade into distant memories as the knife twists into my heart. I will fade until there’s nothing left to savage. I wasn’t meant to have a dream come true. My feathers have been plucked and never again shall I fly. ~