Xavier Grace PROUD DYKE TAKN BY A GOTHI...'s blog: "Evanescing Mortal Planes"

Dark outside...but even the Shifters know that it's just a distraction. It's feeding time in the world of Shadows and the Lost. Movement...something we have to catch...into the road, out of the road, into the road....watch out for the cars...big white truck...moves into the other lane. She's there, going around one side. He's there, watching, waiting, seeing who will give chase first. And it's her. Flush him out so she can tackle him. A house. Sadness. He's a Shifter. Getting dressed. New pants. But...not afraid of the shadows...even the ones that eye him in hungry anticipation. Pants look like the blanket on our real bed...something about because the jeans are wet his have to be too. But then...a home. She kisses me and slides on top. Just lays there. We're lost...lost forever in some spinning moment. Then writing. Saying we'll have to stop the mornings cuz she's going to be late for work. Someone beside her...me not me...saying that it's all ended now and there's no love there anymore. Her mind lost in a budget. And her saying uh huh uh huh. Then let's go faggit. Confused. Grab the keys. It's bright outside today. Been waiting out here a while. Where is she? But then she's walking out the door and then she's in the car beside me. Forget somethin faggit? Don't like it when I call you that do you? And I know I've forgotten o lock the door. But something else says it's just the cell phone again. She's crying. And saying I don't know. But maybe it's time that it's over. Cuz I don't love you anymore.All the laughter...the memories...they're not us...they're him. Wake up...tears on the pillow. Tears on the face. Good lord my head hurts...I hate dreams...and I can't wait to be back in her arms.

This is the world as I've come to know it These days when you awaken to the static-electric hum Of dead silence outside your window When the clouds hang a little lower in the sky And it seems inevitable that the day will end before it has even begun. These are the days when our minds linger in the doldrums Of too many whiskey jars and too few friends and familiar faces When nothing that you know... Becomes the only comfort you suddenly have And when the dreams that spiral, twist, and copulate before your open eyes Are the fears you never could have faced. This is the time when we can smile bright-eyed and optimistic Saying nothing much bad happens in the world But when even truer slips into the shadows at the corners of our eyes And whispers that nothing much bad really fucks up the week.

Hello world...this is me. And that's all there is. I don't know WHERE life decides to take a person. 6 months ago I had it all figured out. And now...now it's all changed in the name of love. 6 months ago I was ignorant. My life was a bike, college, rocks, woods, music, and hard crashes. 6 months ago, my life was all about the keep on keepin on's. It was about wakin up every mornin to this dead hollowness that you drowned out with music, pain, and the illusion of bein busy. 6 months ago my life was all about workin to keep a roof over my head and gas in my car and food on my table. 6 months ago it was all about doin anything to keep from living. Because living...I was slowly dying. It was not caring that you crashed, that you got hit by another car, that you fell off the rocks, that you slammed headfirst into a tree. It was...hey, you know...this is life. And it fuckin sux. I got no one but myself to live for. And who am I to live for after all? Worst I'm gunna do's make a couple people cry...but hell, 6 months more I'll be unknown. She says she doesn't know me...but how do I show her who I am any more than I already have? Who am I? It's easy...I'm the person you see when you wake up, the person who comes to get you after work, the person who loves nothing more than to wait on you hand and foot, the person who finds the greatest joy in something like cleaning your house. I'm the person who fears losing you...your trust, your warmth, your affection...not just lose you as in there's the door. I'm the person who lies awake at night watching dreams pass over your face thinking about how lucky I am to have been blessed by your love, beauty, and strength. I'm the person who would do damn near anything to make you happy. Just tell me what you don't know. Tell me what you want to know. And I'll show you. I'll tell you.

Pride Walk Walk this path hand in hand Where your colors run with blood and pride Where every part of your life is a part built with blood, sweat, and tears Where love courts fear in breathless perfection Where abnormality marries natural instinct with seamless fusion And the dance of life plays out in the stars burning in your lovers' eyes. Walk in the field of memories Where blood has fertilized every leaf of every tree Has caressed every weather-worn rock And is some unforseeable part of every unborn drop of water coursing through the streams. Sing in the lines Where you may never see the ones you love again Laying bricks and mortar for those to come Those who will seek shelter in this crumbling refuge Those who will fortify the walls that stand the storms and shocks of time. Come... Come to dance with the deer in the field before the hunters Laughing gleefully in fear and rage With those yearning for acceptance And those screaming defiance as they charge the barricades that may slaughter them Or let them through. Hold your head high and proud As the sea of preconceived rationality and social normality Beats you bloody Beats you ragged Beat you weary and tired and sick and worn And then turns back for more as your blood and tears and defiance stains a crimson sea With the colors of the rainbow Seeking only Seeking always Peace, acceptance, equality.

i didnt get to tell you this on our anniversary. nothing could be more natural than to tell you that i love you but i cant let it go at that because that's what everyone says and we're not everyone.... some of our most loving monents come in times of silence..long ,quiet walks .. hand in hand.....doing thing for each other or simply holding each other close.so when i say i love you its more then just words its something i do with every brether i take.every beat of my heart because youre the only one in this whole wide wourld for me ... i love you more then you can put into words more then i can ever show smile i cant stop thinking of you

Night's gone and the cold slips in Nothin left as soul descends Heaven banned and hell won't take Hatred spawns this middle breed As silence kills hte holy deed Differences in the give and take I see it all's gone wrong No one else can hear this song A lullaby-- hello goodbye The aftermath of suicide Heroes live and heroes die Nothin good can survive All that's left--no tears inside A hollow void--empty tide Scream, shout, keep it inside Disappear deeper down Hell now owns your soul I see it's all gone wrong No one else can hear this song A lullaby-- hello goodbye The aftermath of suicide

Doesn't mean much... Doesn't mean anything at all The life I've left behind me Is a cold room I've crossed the last line From where I can't return Where every step I took in faith Betrayed me And led me from my home And sweet Sweet surrender Is all that I have to give You take me in No questions asked You strip away the ugliness That surrounds me Are you an angel Am I already that gone I only hope That I won't disappoint you When I'm down here On my knees And sweet Sweet Sweet surrender Is all that I have to give And I don't understand By the touch of your hand I would be the one to fall I miss the little things Oh I miss everything It doesn't mean much It doesn't mean anything at all The life I left behind me Is a cold room ---Sweet Surrender Sarah Mclaughlin And now I'm waiting Waiting until the time When all I have is you Here with me in my arms When shadows pull away At the last light of the sun When every second that we breathe You are the only one If in faith I start to stumble If in love I start to fail Then hold me up don't let me fall I'll do the same for you I am not strong I am not the same When illusion is stripped away And the truth of this love shines I guess I'm not the same As I thought I'd always been When I could have held anything And would never break again When all I had was what I wanted And needs were dreams in sleep And now I've everything In you my dear And it's you I hope to keep Hold me close tonight As I kiss away your pain Hold me in your arms As I'm drowning in your name And as the last light filters out Upon the ending breath As love becomes a stepping stone To where we can't return Follow me now Take my hand And I won't disappoint you or let you down I won't break your trust in this.

I cannot help what I am...please...do not fear or hate it. I did not ask the stars to bring into this realm another crossbreed, and I did not ask the night to find her way into my soul. Which side I would extinguish, could I but have the chance? The half-breed, with the lycan's hunger and rage and the vampyre's bloodlust and deceptiveness? The silent felines, stalking and observing the world from their lofty perches and silent gangways? The wolf, filled with anguish and pain and sorrow, a beast forever trapped in it's hunters' skin, howling out it's soul upon the chilling night wind? Would I choose the mortals path? To be human, to know nothing of the Forsaken, nothing of the Dancers, nothing of the Singers and Howlers and Walkers and Shifters? To be which breed? Owing loyalty to which Clan, to which Tribe? I did not ask to be torn. I did not ask to be shunned. I did not ask to be the forsaken among the Forsaken. I did not ask for this lonely path. I did not ask... I did not ask.

In the dark...out beyond the field of vision...in that little spot where spots begin to dance before your eyes and your imagination takes control and things that aren't there begin to move...what waits for us? What lingers beyond our dim line of sight, laughing? Is it our pains? Our fears? Is there even anything there at all? In a dying world, we reach out for someone...something...to hold...to grasp...to touch. But we are still alone. None can step into our heart, mind, and soul enough to become us. In the end...what if it really is just ourselves we have in mind? How do you speak of your pain when there are no words to describe it? When you lie awake at night and your mind wanders toward some gaping chasm asking...what if? What if you close your eyes and wake up on the other side? What if you wake up and everything you've built falls around you...a lost and crumbling empire...and the only artifact of it is the painful memory of a loss oyu wish you'd never known? What if everything you love and hold dear and treasure...is torn away from you like the leaf from the tree in the slightest of autumn winds? I reach out into the darkness, trembling, but for as far as I reach in all directions there's nothing there. Only my demons, only my mind, only the echoing shadows to haunt me. When I hold her in my arms...I hold everything...my fears, my dreams, my future, all my yesterdays and todays. When she looks at me and asks what I'm, what my problem is...all I can say is nothing. Because really...all it is is the mind playing in that cyclonic field of fears and doubts...all it is is the past dancing like a gibbering hyena in my head. Do you trust in happiness, when you've always been told you'll never be happy? Do you trust in the best, when you've been told you'll never have the best...that you're mediocre and that's all you'll ever have? Do you trust in heaven, when you've fought in hell all your life? Can you understand what it is to be a demon in that level of hell where everything...food, water, shelter...is a constant battle to obtain, where it's all a fight to the death every second of every moment of your life just to have your basic needs? And can you imagine what it is to be placed in a world where that is all provided for you...where nothing is there to attempt to steal it? Where when you lay your head down to sleep..you can for once know that rest might steal upon you...that you no longer need to sleep with one eye open and both hands on your sword?

I'm in the middle of a breakdown Speechless and frozen Uncomfortable silence again Battered and bruised Broken confused I lit my pain on fire And I watched it all burn down Now I'm dancing in the ashes And theres no one else around Cause I wanna be apart of something This is just a story of a broken soul I'm burning in the heavens And I'm drowning in a hell My soul is in a coma And none of my friends can tell That I'm reaching out and getting nothing This is just a story of a broken soul Now I'm full of guilt and shame I can't point a finger cause theres no one to blame So I say I'll never do it again But when the sun goes down, you are my only friend I'm thinking I am starting to see I have become everything I never wanted to be I'm really getting sick of myself Cause when I look into the mirror, I see somebody else I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And my scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel I'm dreamin about tomorrow, I'm thinkin of yesterday, I consume myself in sorrow this moment in time is what I betray I'm falling in my dream I finally hit the ground,I'm falling in my dream I finally hit the ground, I hit the ground, because I, I can't keep my mind from going into dark places, because I, I can't keep my mind from going into dark places Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort Suffocation, no breathing Don't give a f*ck if I cut my arm bleeding This is my last resort Cut my life into pieces, I've reached my last resort Suffocation, no breathing Don't give a f*ck if I cut my arm bleeding Do you even care if I die bleeding? Would it be wrong? Would it be right? If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might Mudilation out of sight, and I'm contimplating suicide Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine I never realized I was spread too thin Till it was too late and I was empty within Hungry, feeding on my chaos and living in sin Downward spiral, where do I begin? It all started when I lost my mother No love for myself and no love for another Searching to find a love upon a higher level Finding nothing but questions and devils Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright, nothing is fine I'm running and I'm crying I'm crying, I'm crying I'm crying, I'm crying I ... can't ... go ... on ... living ... this ... way Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort Suffocation, no breathing Don't give a f*ck if I cut my arm bleeding Would it be wrong? Would it be right? If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might Mudilation out of sight, and I'm contimplating suicide Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright, nothing is fine I'm running and I'm crying I ... CAN'T ... GO ... ON ... LIVING ... THIS ... WAY Can't go on ... living this way Nothing's alright!