Today for an English class i had to write an essay, on any topic i chose. I choose the last 3 months of my life. The meeting of new people the, the loosing of friends the new things i feel the songs i have found to be comforting when i need them and how everything is somehow connected to the music i choose.
Anyhow i started as this sweet story of how i met this great guy that makes me smile. How the songs we think that fit us have new meanings and such then i went back to one of the last conversations he and i had. It was a conversation that would make the most stable girl shake in fear of not being good enough. i didn't shake i just laid still and watched the rest of the show we were watching. I didn't cry ( i don't cry in front of him when i hurt from his words) He is hurting too so why show him that i am hurting. I have been through the pain before i wanted him to be the guy that at least respected the rules i understand that rules are made to be bend or even broken but when you only set one it must be the one thing you would ask of anyone.Its a respect me and my body kinda rule and i have or thought i had every right to ask it and i respect it for him. honestly he is the first i ever have respected it for in my life i wanted to change me to make myself better for doing so.
Back to my essay!!! It started as this sweet and honest to goodness recollection of how for the first time in my life i was just being me not smiling and saying what everyone wanted to hear. and of course the meeting of this guy well it turned on me quick and how i cry and hurt and how i am not a strong as i should be or even as i appear to others. When i turned on the radio to find inspiration to rewrite~ probably the one song i love and hate the most came on and for the last time it made me cry!!! i changed ring tones on my phone so i don't have to hear it.Then everyone in my phone got a new ring tone!!!! That song means so much to me and i feel every word but it also hurts me because i can not believe i am hear again. Being me and "perfect" as i have been told. Well if i am "perfect" then why is it that any man that's ever said that to me left me worse off than when he found me? Am i so easily shown the way and excepted whats handed to me that i make the best of any situation that i believe that all good things end in the pain of me. i probably do not make since right now but i do to me.So my essay got turned in about the music and how i feel it and how the words give me inspiration or break my heart i named the songs fr my teacher so he could listen to them if he chose here they are for you!!! Far away by Nickel Back~ She never cried in front of me by Toby Keith and Pain by Three Days Grace Ok Enough for now.
Smiling with tears in my eyes because you never took the time to learn the windows to my soul speak to you!!! Glows
