So where does this trip end, really? Where does the struggle stop? When is that last final triumph upon which I rest and look out at my view of this great land, eternity and beyond and say, "I've done it and here's a middle finger to all my detractors?" Is it every day when I go to sleep? Is it when I finally do kick it, ages into the New World Order, telling my grandchildren what it was like back when we were free. Will it be when I'm old and barely able to function when I say, "Goddamn kids don't know what being free is like. We rose up and resisted and told them this will not be some glorified prison colony. We sent them from whence they came and stood firm. Now all that's left is you...YOU have to preserve that!"
Looking back on the last entry, I often wonder if what I experienced was merely some raucous firing of neurons during electrochemical stimulation of that rather grievous mass of tissue floating around in the nether of my skull. Why does it seem more real when I dream than when I'm awake? Did I slip into that version of myself so long ago? Am I really able to use music and the power of my own mind to walk between this world and another that we visited so long ago that we are only able to understand it completely in hindsight?
There was something that happened to me on another walk that I haven't written about yet. Listening to Anthrax's songs from their album The Sound of White Noise, I came to the realization that if I could slip back in time then I can use the music to make a focused effort to visit yet another world, another dimension.
We only really perceive about 5% of the total of what's really around us (though I could be mistaken on that percentage, I can tell you it's dismally small) and that led me to attempt an experiment that not many others have tried. If they have, it hasn't been made known to me.
Before we begin this journey, more focused than ever before, I have to say you don't need to tell me that this planet has become the biggest and most volatile powderkeg in the universe. You don't need me to tell you that you can't trust your politicians and representatives. You don't need me to tell you your system has failed you in every way conceivable. No, you don't even need me to tell you that you've been so depersonalized that you're a statistic to those in charge. You don't need me to tell you all that. All you have to do is look out your door to tell you that. Some of you can't even do that safely. Peek out of your windows, look at it...it's on a consistant downward spiral straight to the depths of hell but, there's always escapism. Yes, your T.V. will tell you everything you want to hear. Go back to sleep, AmeriKKKa, they have it all under control. Sure, the bad guys have the upper hand but look at your watches and see that, at the end of the hour, our valiant hero or heroine will come in and get the bad guy and save the day. They'll save us from otherwise annhilation and we can all tune in tomorrow, same super time, same super channel. After that, stay tuned for your regularly scheduled sideshow attraction. It's a perfect world in there, isn't it? Sure, there's conflict but it'll be resolved within the hour and those that can't be resolved within the hour, hey, tune in next week and they'll spend another hour going into all the crap that you'll buy.
Then you turn on the news and it's fear, death, AIDS, Ebola, buy this Acura Integra, Be one of us! Hey, no one understands you like your Realtor, right? This is not entertainment. This is anti-boredom at its finest. The Boredom Killing Corporation will release yet some other meaningless channel. Fear, consume, kill your boredom, hell, it's all the same to us. We'll create this nice illusion for you, sell you a few products, piss you off and you'll keep coming back because only 25% of us read on anything above a fourth-grade reading level, provided we're reading at all. If we are reading, what is it? Is it some mind-numbing adaptation of what you're watching in the first place? Do you even understand and comprehend it?
Would it even matter to us, the depersonalized? Face facts, wake up and smell it, people. There are a great many ones and zeros being crunched into computers and ten years ago, you could have sat at home doing absolutely squat while your name ran through at the bare minimum...17 computers per day. Now, the rate has grown. I can't tell you by how much or why or how it's all been justified but you know the drill. It's happened to all of us. You're not unique, powerful or able in any way within the confines of this system and the thing is, it's all been served up just like that last batch of Jell-O you so happily consumed.
Knowing these things, would it even matter to us? Would we be outraged? Would we even try to stop it? Of course not! We're overworked, underpaid and just too tired to give a damn about it anymore. Our politicians are comitting the most horrid of atrocities, flagrantly breaking laws that any of us, the Depersonalized At Large would suffer the rest of our lives for with no impunity whatsoever.
Still, you don't need me to tell you that, it's right in front of you. The system was made for us, by us and it has failed us because we let it happen.
This is where my journey begins, folks. To me, it's not escapism, it's empowerment. It's the essence of every magick in the world brought forth and manifested and all I had to do was turn off that tube which has been "the biggest goddamned sideshow in the whole godless world." I've had a great many disappointments this week as I've realized that it was really One Nation, Under Siege, Divided, With Liberty And Justice To Those Who Could Afford It.
I had to take the advice of the fictional character from the movie Network, Howard Beal, when he said, "There's no truth here! We will tell you any shit you want to hear! You want truth? Go to God! Go to your Gurus! Go to yourselves! Turn off this goddamned tube! Turn it off in the middle of my very sentence! Turn it off! Turn it off!" I did just that. This time, I didn't jack in, wire up, slink down and trip out. I turned on, walked out, turned up and started down my path. I walked, listening to Anthrax, remembering days of carefree youth, remembering what Bill Hicks said.
We're all matter and matter is merely energy condensed to a slow, vibrational wavelength. So if I'm really a ball of energy, why am I so damned trapped? What makes all these other high-and-mighty monkeys any different from me? Why do they act as though they can do whatever the hell they want and I can't because, if I do, the terrorists win? I call bullshit! Hell no, fuck you, eat shit, jerk me off, suck my dick, I'm not buying it, I'm not that sick. It was time to speed up the wavelength. It was time to walk, alright, not down some physical path but through the planes. God was going to have a helluva time with me trying to explain this one to Him. Who am I to explain this trip to Him? He created it, he should know. Again, buy the ticket, take the ride.
So, off I went, with the song "Only" playing and the voice of John Bush accompanying Anthrax, settling me back into a time where I was very much in love with life and I could see everything going for me and then, inexplicably, I was somewhere else. There was another reality that had opened itself up to me and, before I knew it, I stopped walking. Night became Day. The air tasted more fresh than ever before and I saw everything in full, living color, in the sharpest of detail. There wasn't anything here that had been touched by the destructive nature of the human hand. It was all so pristine and to describe what I'd have seen would be like asking Heaven to describe what it sees...nothing would ever do it justice. The thought occured to me to walk no further. I didn't want to touch it. I didn't want to breathe in it. I didn't want to taint it. This was a beauty that would devastate those with even no conscience to themselves whatsoever if they touched it.
No, my friends, it wasn't that I didn't want any part of it, I had wondered if I ceased to be back home. I wondered if someone had watched as I had somehow vaporized or dematerialized, what kind of effect would that have on them? I know, completely insane thing to think especially in a situation like that but I had to wonder about that because I didn't want this place I was in tainted with something I could inflict. There was only one choice for me. I decided to leave. I can't touch that, let it go to shit and then come back to the same thing. It wouldn't be right nor true. I stepped in, looked around and stepped out through some Great Cosmic Rift.
So here I sit before you, pecking this out, possibly half-maddened from that journey and delirious because Little Domino decided to awaken me at an ungodly hour by attacking my unpierced ear.
What happens if I find it again, you ask?
I wonder that myself. I might just take up residence.
