Sometimes, I can actually see, lucidly, the trailer of a movie about my life. In my mind, I hear Don LaFontaine (the movie announcer guy) narrating it. I don't know who the hell would star in it so I might take a stab at it. Laugh if you must but it's me making the damn casting call.
"In a world where one man struggles with his mind..."
Then, of course, you see some dark room with some bald guy sitting at a computer, silhouetted by the warm glow of a monitor.
"Dreams and visions take a life of their own..."
Cut to the sound of some record scratching and then this unearthly scream as a show opens
"This summer..."
Naturally you'll have scenes of me going off with pieces of my angry ranting, raving and carrying on.
"prepare yourself..."
Now, you see flashes of whoever has the audacity to play my part on the phone in more funny-as-hell angered rants over the phone saying shit like, "I don't give a fuck what the hell it looks like, I want it on the show. We're going to make it bigger, badder, faster, meaner, harder and more volatile than ANYTHING Howard Stern could have ever imagined..."
Cut to silence and a black screen...
"Then we'll make him wish he'd thought of it..."
"For the movie event of the decade. Starring Vin Diesel..."
Vin copping one of my lines:
"I'm crazy? You think I'm crazy? Well I HOPE LIKE HELL I'M CRAZY! If I'm not Crazy, then we're all fucked, aren't we?"
"...Ryan Reynolds"
Ryan, of course playing Dude on The Couch:
"I always wanted to say you were like a hardcore version of Art Bell...I just didn't know if you'd take offense to that."
"...and Lorraine Bracco"
As she's the only chick I know with the Jersey accent to play Misty:
"I first fell in love with you the minute I heard your voice...you gave me something to hope for."
"In the true story of one man...one show...triumph, agony and an inhuman desire to overcome all odds. This summer, prepare yourself for...The Rise of An Empyre."
Vin, again copping one of my lines:
"Remember, everyone, there's a world of difference to make...just be sure to make yours."
Of course throughout the thing I'd have a few songs by bands like Starlit, Collide, Diverje, Cockfight Club. The ad for the soundtrack might come up later since the movie will be so music-oriented. I'm really not even sure what the hell it would be about but you get the picture.
For some reason, I always thought that there may be something that set me apart from the rest of the species. Something that would make me remembered through time immemorial but even now I have no idea what that will be. Truth to be told, I think the movie would only be interesting if it were told from a first-person perspective. About 85% of the shit that makes my posts interesting is all mental. It is only 15% actual events as they'd happened, after all. Then again, I figure for 20 or 30 people to actually be bored enough to read the crap I'm posting half the time, well, that is either saying something about mainstream media or maybe I've really grabbed some people's attention.
What is that quality? I'll never know. Could any of these people I've mentioned in the movie get changed? Well shit, it's not like it's even got a budget yet, right?
I think most of the movie would be shit that was happening in my head. Although it might end up another rock n' roll radio version of "The Wall" it might have something endearing to those who endulge in acid every once in awhile.
Just don't take the blue acid...it's bad.
