Semper Fidelis's blog: "ENVY"

all of the poems i wrote and they mean something to me and i woud appreciate it if nobo took them and used them as their own.feel free to comment and rate what you think is a good rating and whatnot.

 thoughtless

Thoughts of suicide

Too much rage

Consume my life 

Stage by stage

I lay here staring 

At the blackness of my heart

Knowing that we've grown too far apart

I want to speak 

To tell you how I feel

Your voice makes me weak

Your eyes make me kill

Worrying about us 

Was all I seemed to do

I know its over

And I'm glad

I won't waste anymore tears 

On the good times we had

I wasted my breath 

Saying "I love you"

All of a sudden

Crying is all I seemed to do

Now that you're gone

I finally see

That you are better off

Without me

  Problems

I can't escape the drama

Even though I try

I can't escape the pain

It's etched too deep

I just hear screaming

I try to block it out

I just want it to stop

Nothing is working

The yelling echo's in my thoughts

I turn my music up louder

They say it not my fault

I know they are lying

I want to leave this life

And never come back

The needles go through my skin

Piercing away the pain

The cuts bleed

I feel better

A razor through my skin

Releases my anger

I lay my head back and close my eyes

I hope that I don't wake up

I am sick of causing people pain

I should just disappear

The hurt in my heart

Just can't be numbed

I take a drink

That's only a temporary fix

Maybe a few more will help

I look to strangers for comfort

They don't care about my pain

My anger gets the best of me

I punch a wall

My broken and bloody knuckles numb

I act like nothing is wrong

I sit in the corner knees to my chest

Crying black tears

Blood dripping from my hand

Not caring whether I live or die

My life flashes before my eyes

Am I dead yet?

I hear people crying for me to come back

I run further away

My body goes limp

I have finally disappeared

  Emotionless

Shattered pieces of my heart

Lay on the floor

I just stand there crying

Waiting for happiness

I get a needle and thread

Hoping to put myself back together

I look for love in all the wrong places

My heart getting shattered more and more

Slowly over time

My heart turns to dust

My emotions are no more

Just a cold stare

Anger is the only emotion I have

The days go by and it gets worse

Self mutilation and alcohol

Are my best friends

My hands bruised and scabbed

My anger takes hold

It wont let go

One by one my emotions return

Depression, rage, grief

Happiness never comes back

My facade slowly sinking

My true self showing

My friends leave me

I am cold hearted and numb

I run far away

Hoping that nobody finds me

I trip and fall over my stupidity

I lay in the open field

Choking on my tears

I scream until my throat is raw and bleeding

I punch the earth knowing it won't hit back

Suddenly I stop

Like a zombie I walk home

I pour myself a drink and take a sip

It burns my bleeding throat

I go upstairs to my room and lay in bed

I close my eyes never to wake again

Drowning

I sit in the corner and cry

Pointless black tears

Remembering the past

And the life that I had

I had love and happiness

I just threw it away

I go out to the lake

And look at the moon

I say out loud "I'm sorry"

I jump in

I take a deep breath

And let the water fill my lungs

I want to come up for air

The rocks in my pockets weigh me down

I close my eyes

And listen to the silence

Regretting nothing

I feel my heart slowing

I feel my lungs tightening

I clench my fists

My heart is barely beating

I have one last thought

The thought of him

I open my eyes

Just in time to see my life flash before them

I am silenced forever

All that is left of me

Is a puddle of pointless black tears

Ex Boyfriend

Standing in the shower

She lets the scolding hot water

Run over her beaten bloody body 

And slit wrists

"This is the last time" she says

"I will never let him hurt me again"

She watches the blood and water mix 

As it goes down the drain

She hears him knocking

On the bathroom door

He yells at her

Telling her she better 

Get out of the bathroom

The warm tears

Sting her face

She's getting weaker

Her eyes getting heavier

He is still knocking at the door

Still yelling and threatening her

She gets dizzy and sits down

The water still

Burning her skin

She wonders why she ever

Started dating him again

She's dealt with the abuse before

She thought he'd change

She lays her head back 

On the edge of the tub

And draws in her final breath

In the moment her bursts 

Through the door

He holds her limp body

Crying over his stupidity

She just lays there

Lifeless and limp

Her lips turning blue

The slits on her wrists

Wide and still bleeding

He finally realizes how

Much he hurt her

He grabs a hunting knife

Takes a deep breath and 

Slits both wrists

Just like she did

In the last few moments

Of his life he whispers to her

"Du bist meine bloss liebling"

And silently dies 

Holding his true loves

Cold bloody hand

Lonely girl

She sits in her room

Crying over her loneliness

Nobody loves her

Nobody cares

she was once the happiest

Now she just cries

She wears nothing but black

She never speaks out loud

She is constantly mourning 

The loss of the ability to love

Where did it go?

Her ex must have ripped it out of her

She writes morbid poems

Hoping that will help

No matter how hard she tries

They all end in death

She thinks about her friends 

And the one she loves

She wants to call him

Maybe he will cheer her up

He doesn't pick up the phone

She slams down the receiver

She gets so pissed

One by one she punches holes in the walls

One by one her knuckles shatter

When all of her knuckles are broken 

And blood is dripping from her hands

She starts to scream 

Until she cant scream anymore

She grabs the rubbing alcohol 

And pours it on her swollen bloody hands

She doesn't feel the pain

She goes outside and looks at the stars

She collapses and cries

Not our of sadness

But out of frustration

All she wants is the love of another

The comfort of another's arms

The feel of passionate kisses

The protection of another's voice

She's not asking too much

Just the feeling of being loved again

Unwanted love

She dresses in short skirts

And low cut shirts

Gaining unwanted attention

And losing self esteem

Older guys offer her nice things

She nicely refuses

Until one horrible day

When one man much older than her 

Followed her home

He knocked on her door

She answers it questioningly

The stranger walks in without asking

He shuts the door and locks it 

Then pushes her to the ground

Forcing himself upon her

He muffles her screams

So the neighbors don't hear

She cries as he slaps her

She clenches her fists 

While he has his way with her

She sees the hate in his eyes

She feels the fear in hers

She wishes that this wasn't happening to her

She tries to get free

He puts his hand on the throat

Making it hard for her to breathe

Suddenly he stops

He lets go of her throat

She lays there to scared to move

She wants to scream for help

She can't muster any strength

She tries to fix herself

He threatens her

She runs to the corner

And pulls the switchblade from her purse

Suddenly she feels this sharp pain

And hears this loud crack

Blood pours from her side

As she falls to her knees

Blade still raised in the air 

To stab her attacker

She can't breathe

Everything gets dark

She closes her eyes

And falls to the ground

He leaves her there on the floor

A limp and bloody mess

All that is left is a product 

Of unwanted love

1) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 2) Why do you have to "put your two cents in" … but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 3) Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 4) Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 5) What disease did cured ham actually have? 6) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 7) Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 8) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 9) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 10) Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. 11) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural 12) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? 13) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? 14) If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? 15) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! 16) If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? 17) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? 18) Why did you just try singing the two songs above? 19) Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? 20) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Husband Application for Marrying samantha....

Name:
Age:
Birthdate:
Height:
Weight:
Eye Color:
Hair Color:
Address:
Phone Number:
Email:
Myspace:

Please attach DNA Samples, and copies of your social security card, birth certificate, drivers license, and a recent photo of yourself to this application. Also include your medical record, criminal record, and driving record.


Mother's Name:
Age:
Birthdate:
Occupation:
Address:
Phone Number:

Father's Name:
Age:
Birthdate:
Occupation:
Address:
Phone Number:

Sibling names and ages:

What is the most recent school you attended?
Did you/ will you graduate?
GPA?

What are your following sizes:
Shirt:
Jeans:
Shoes:


Most important do you know Samantha's sizes? (To buy her gifts)

1. What are your religious beliefs?

2. Do you have a confederate flag?

3. What does the confederate flag mean to you?

4. In detail, what do you drive? Include VIN?

5. Are you a trust fund baby?

6. Do you go fishing? How often? (attach fishing license)

7. Do you own a boat?

8. Do you hunt?(attach hunting license)

9. What guns do you own? (attach gun registration)

My guns are bigger.

10. Where do you work and how much do you get paid?

11. Do you ride a bike or moped?

12. What question are you hoping that im not going to ask you?(please answer that question)

13. Can you support yourself? Would you be able to support 1 more person? And give Samantha EVERYTHING she wants?

14. Do you own any animals? If so, what? (kind, name, age, breed)

15. Why did your past relationship end?

16. Do you have any kids? Is it possible you have kids unknown to you?

17. Have you ever killed anyone? Did you get any blood on your shoes?

18. Does your family own a cemetery? Can we eat taco bell there at 2 am?

19. How often do you chase deer through ditches with a .22?

20. If someone were to put you in a "label" what would it be? (ie. punk, country, preppy, gangster, hick, crackwhore, etc.)

21. How often is there too much blood in your alcohol stream?

22. Would you ever make it on UFC?

I can kick your ass.

23. Have you ever tried smoking a crayon? What color?

24.Have you ever been married before?

25. List of past marriages?

26. How would I get in contact with them?

27. Do you approve of clearance crack?

28. Do you smoke cigarettes?

29. Do you drink alcohol?

30. Do you approve of supplying alcohol to minors?

31. What are you getting Samantha for her birthday?

32. Where would you take her on your honeymoon?

33. It's 2am and she's leakin... would you make that tampon run for her?

34. You said you would call in a little while, what's a little while?

35. Have you ever cheated in any past relationships? No need to explain.

36. Have you ever stalked someone? Would ya stalk Samantha?

37. What if Samantha decides she's not bathing for a couple of days...do you still sleep in the same bed with her?

38. Are you a fan of bondage and bubble baths with rubber duckies?

39. Do you have tattoos? Please include pictures of all for Identification of your body.

40. You bored yet? Wishing this was over?

41. What is your viewpoint on threesomes?

42. You just found out Samantha is bisexual, what is your response?

43. What is your preferred method of safe sex? Abstinence is not an answer cuz I know you're full of shit.

44. Do you have a question?

45. I really don't care....

46. Would anyone miss your sorry ass?


If you run I will find you...

I swear that all this information is true to my best of my knowledge.

X________________________________________________
Signature (that's your name moron)

Please allow 6 years for processing..don't call me for updates. If your approved and most likely not, you will be informed. Otherwise have a nice fucking life!