NONE's blog: "Entranced"

1 She smiled as the wineglass ever so gently made contact with her lips. The gentleman, whose attention was encompassed in her essence, looked as if he had tried this same conversation on some other unsuspecting women before. These two strangers had just met. This I know because I had eyed this beautiful woman standing at the bar with her dirty martini from the first second I walked into the lounge that night. She started alone, but now was object of his attention. She teased without words, yet keeping him at a distance. She was not new to this. She had done this before. Cigarette smoke always seemed to hover in the air, at least in the jazz lounges that I liked to frequent. It was always part of the ambiance. Smoking itself in a place like this is as necessary as shoes. My newfound couple stood out to me as if they danced under a spotlight. Her black full-length dress clung to her body allowing her silky legs to breathe only through the slit in the back. Her long black hair seemed to cover everything but her lips. Her lips. She played her body like the music that radiated through the bar. No meaningless motion, everything was done sexually with a purpose. As the moments passed the gentleman began attempting to make physical contact. He would try to touch her hand as it rested on the bar top. Yet she would move before he could feel even the warmth of her skin. He tried to light her cigarette, but she would only allow his lighters flame to touch. She reacted as if she knew where he was going to attempt to touch. Reacting only to keep her distance. Her hand, free of the cigarette, would run its course over her body. The tip of her finger making circles on the top of her martini glass worked down the stem to across the bar to her other arm. Very deliberate with purpose, her finger then ran slowly up her arm, to her cheek running along her jaw line. She toyed with her hair, never giving the opportunity for a true glance into her eyes. By this point, she could have been standing there alone, under that spotlight. Commanding the stage herself. To me, she was alone. She then touched her bottom lip, then licked her lips with a controlled hunger. She ran her finger over the top of her bottom row of teeth. Running her finger back and forth ever so slowly. She stopped leaving her finger on top of one tooth. With her other hand now free of her cigarette, she ever so slightly pulled on her bottom lip giving enough room for her to pull at her tooth. The tooth was pulled out seemingly without effort even though it was at least 3 inches in length. She took her tooth and ran it around her lips. The man that stood next to her vying for her full attention continued to speak blind to the fact that she had her tooth fresh from her mouth now going towards his. She stopped his conversation with one finger, then slipping her tooth into his mouth. He didnt seem to mind. His face even looking like he had tasted lobster dipped in butter. With a smile he then closed his mouth. He was no longer speaking. The gentleman swallowed and looked to the ceiling. From the corners of his mouth blood slowly began to seep. He opened his mouth to continue is conversation, but only more blood. He covered his mouth and turned to the bathroom. No one motioned to help. She grabbed the gentleman with her hand on his shoulder, turning him to her. He had such fear in his eyes. The blood began to trickle from his nose. As he tried to cover his face I realized that his fingernails were also bleeding. He began to weep, but still no one reacted. Not even me. I felt no fear, almost as if I was watching a late Saturday night B-horror film. But his fear was real. He also acknowledged his hands bleeding. Strangely enough, he pulled the fingernail from the tip of each finger. As each fingernail dropped from his grasp, dropping into the puddles of blood, it splashed with an echo though my head. I hate the echo. I hate the deafening sound of the echo because I know what always follows. The darkness. 2 The applause of the crowd brought me back to where I was. When I looked for her, she was already gone. The gentleman stood in the spot where she was supposed to be. His mouth was no longer bleeding. His fingernails were all in tact. The puddle that he previously stood in was now just a damp floor of spilt drinks. As the band took their final break of the night, he turned for the exit. I followed closely behind, yet keeping enough distance not to alarm him. The night air rushed through the patrons between the exit door and myself. There is no chill like the night. But for a moment, it refreshed me bringing me to what I hoped was clarity. My friend stood on the corner waiting to hail a taxi. Swaying slightly with the midnight breeze, he turned to view the alleyway looking for clearance to relieve himself before the long ride home. The uncovered streetlight in the ally crackled from the moisture in the air. With each flash of light from above, the shadows created creatures of their own. A misty rain began to fall as I watched my friend stumble into the ally. I could hear him mumble some words, but nothing coherent. He stutter stepped to a large open dumpster occasionally looking up to the narrow strip of sky. Slowly he spun approaching closer and closer to the open container finally stopping with his back hitting the front. He began to urinate as he still tilted his head back looking towards the sky. The light still flickered and crackled as the rain strengthened. Suddenly, a flash of lightening brightened the entire ally for a fraction of a second, yet long enough for the man to see me. He said nothing as he finished; yet he smiled at me. With his head looking up and the back of his neck resting on the railing of the dumpster, the clap of thunder felt as if the entire earth shook. The man rolled his head to look in my direction. With his back arched and with a smile on his face the heavy metal lid of the dumpster slammed shut across his neck. His legs kicked as he scratched at the lid attempting to lift the heavy weight. His entire body began to shake as the sound of thunder was replaced by the slow cracking of his neck. His body then slid to the ground still. The ally light was flashing like a strobe light as sparks fell over the lifeless figure. His face was covered in the same blood that I saw in the bar. As I inspected his body from my distance, I could see that attached to the lid of the dumpster was his fingernails. I lit a cigarette and turned back to the main street. The cab that was to be his coach pulled up. I opened the door and sat in the backseat. I dont believe I told the driver my destination, but he drove off anyway. 3 The sound of children playing outside caused me to open my eyes. The sun was shining through the eclipse of the shades on the windows. For a moment, I tried to remember, but wasnt sure what I was trying to recall. The phone rang. I sat there for a moment deciding if I wanted to answer, but it had stopped before I even made an attempt. The hardwood floor was cold to my feet as I walked towards the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I admired my physique. I ran my hands over my face, then through my hair, which fell perfectly into place. I returned back to my bedroom and pulled my suit from my closet and got dressed. As I finished dressing, my ex-girlfriend walked in asking if I was ready yet. She always had us rush, but still never made it to any destination on time. Just the site of her always brought the butterflies back to my stomach. Since the first time I met her, she had that affect on me. I told her that I was just about ready to go; yet she still told me to hurry. As we walked out of the house, she took my hand. We always held hands no matter where we went. She felt that our skin should never be too far from each other. With our fingers entwined, we walked down to the park. I grew up in this park. Played all my high school team games here. I pointed out to her where I first broke my ankle. My limp from the football accident wasnt noticeable at the moment. As we walked she began to tell me how scared she was about the future. I always thought that for someone so loving and affectionate, that she never really knew what she wanted. I never pressed any issue from this department with her, but always listened. These types of conversations with her never surprised me. I always knew that I loved her more than she loved me, and I was ok with that. As we passed the last baseball field in the park, I pointed to the forest where the waterfalls are. That was the most solace place of peace for me. Even though I wanted to go there, she pulled in the other direction. As I looked up to the bluest sky I could remember, our fingers unlocked. She smiled at me and told me that she was going to go but that we would meet up later. She kissed me with passion grabbing the back of my neck. Her lips pressed so hard against mine that our teeth clicked. I pulled her close enough to feel her heart race with mine. Her mouth opened slightly so our tongues could touch, but only for a second. She turned and slowly walked away with a smile. Her eyes looked at me giving me the courage to continue alone. The sun was now beating almost directly above me and the warmth replaced the touch of her hand. 4 The path to the waterfalls wound though the woods. Periodically, old houses from the 1800s that were boarded up and being kept up as landmarks would appear from either side. A group of locals from town would come to these woods one weekend per month to reenact the lifestyle of our revolutionary past. Armed with muskets and wrapped in blankets they would camp here in various spots. I could hardly blame them in the summer, but the winters must have been tough. As I crossed the old wooden bridge over the stream, I could see the dead trees in the eastern part of the lake. The lake was flooded from the reservoir that was intentionally overflowed a long time ago. I always stopped to admire the strength of these dead trees that still stood as if they had grown from the water and were supposed to look as they did. They were gray in color without leaves. Very few of the trees still had any branches, but each treetop ended in splinters. Their reflections on the water made them even more impressive. I was always inspired by their determination. I could faintly hear the sound of the waterfalls in the distance as I walked along the stream. Waterbugs danced on top of the water in pockets on either side of the stream. An occasional fish would jump and splash loud enough to pull my attention from the approaching sounds of the falls. I paused for a moment and turned. A feeling of dread began to overcome me as my heart started to race. The live trees around me began to sway as the wind started to blow with force. I dont know when it happened but the sun lit sky was now cloudy and very overcast. I looked forward to the falls and began to run in their direction. My legs could not move fast enough as I jumped over logs and through the trees. My fright had taken me off the path, which hampered my progress. I could see an opening in the forest ahead. My body pressed forward even faster. The trees opened in front of me to the clearing. I turned to look behind to see what had frightened me so. Suddenly, there was no ground below me as I began to fall. I had run right off a cliff and was falling uncontrollably. I closed my eyes and thought of the waterfalls. 5 It seems as if it rains every day in this city. I used to long for a night without the precipitation, but in time, that passed. The cab only had one good wind shield wiper clearing the view. The sound of the metal arm of the wiper on the passenger side scratched the glass like nails on a chalkboard. The driver of the cab looked like he had held this job down for years. He must have seen everything that the streets had to offer, yet didnt seem as effected by them. Still without asking where he was taking me, he told me a story about a couple whom had ridden in his chariot just earlier this evening. He described how its been a while since anyone had fucked like a Vegas whore or taken it to the balls the way the female patron of the couple had. He really described the woman in great colorful detail. Maybe he was as detailed about the male, but I was really only interested in the woman. As he rambled on more about the man, I looked at what my hand had found here in the backseat. A string of semen was dangling between my thumb and ring finger. I whipped my hand to try and fling the remnants of the previous travelers. I rolled the window down and let my hand catch the rain. This might have been the first time I privately embraced rain. The cab stopped just outside the shipyard at the bay. I wiped the last of the remnants from my hand on the ten-dollar bill that I pulled from my pocket and dropped it in the front seat. The cabby thanked me for the bill and drove off. I looked around my surroundings as I lit a cigarette. A high fence topped with razor barbwire surrounded the shipyard docks. The sound of gulls called out from the night and across the street a rat scurried into the gutter. My interest was pulled to a lonely guard in an undersized booth at the front of the main entrance of the yard. As I approached him I saw that his back was to me. I could faintly hear his radio playing a Count Baise tune. The closer I got to the guard the more I could see even though the majority of the glass in the booth was fogged. I stopped here, close enough to feed my curiosity. I watched as the guard took swigs from his flask that he brazenly left out on his desktop. He sat pleasuring himself holding a magazine but I could only make out the flesh colored tones of the pictures and for me to be able to see that, let me know that it must have been a porn magazine. The guard whos job wasnt to sit in his glass house drinking and masturbating stood up from his position as his pants fell to his ankles exposing the garters he wore for his socks. A truck turned the corner from a few blocks away and drove closer to the gate of the shipyard. The truck pulled up to the gatehouse, yet the guard didnt stop his business to address the driver. I could hear the truck hit its air break and door open as the driver jumped out. The rain had slowed to a mist, which danced in the headlights of the truck. My hands were numb as I pull the front of my jacket closed around my neck. The cold night ran a chill through me as my shoulders shivered. The driver opened the door to the guard post and stepped in. The guard didnt stop his actions, but he did sit back down in his chair. The trucker stood in front of the guard and placed his hands on either side of his head and stood the guard backup. With each index finger, the trucker pressed into the guards ears as his thumbs pressed against his eye sockets. The truckers fingers slid further into the guards ears as blood began to pour from his hands. Each of his free remaining fingers then pressed around the jaw line of the guard. He pulled the jaw from its hinge and ripped the flesh from the guards face. The trucker took the jaw and forced it into his own mouth. With some maneuvering the second jaw fit perfectly as if it was his own. The guard slumped back into his chair as his shirt soaked the blood that was pouring from what was left of his face. The glass casing of the guardhouse fogged up completely and I could see no more. I exhaled the last of my cigarette, dropped it to the ground and watched the puddle of water encompass the amber. With a deep breath my chest filled with the damp air. I always loved the smell of the saltwater of the bay. 6 My fear is no long associated with the blackouts. I used to wake confused, which sometimes is still the case, but Ive learned to accept the dark time. Sometimes the world takes a little longer to come back into focus. This was one of those times. The guards booth was no longer fogged with condensation. The guard was actually sitting there in his chair fully clothed; yet still reading. As I slowly approached the front gate, I could make out the title of the book in his hands. War and Peace. I never read the book, but always loved the simplicity of the title. No middle ground. Either, or. Black or white. Awake or asleep. The guard looked up to see me approaching and waved as if he knew who I was. He stepped out from his office and hit the big green button that controlled the front gateway. I lit a cigarette as I paused for a moment. The guard looked at me and smiled as he stood just inside the gate. He slowly raised his arm and pointed at me, still with the grin on his face. Slowly he pointed at the ground, then turning his index finger towards himself. He looked up into the night sky and with the same finger that pointed into his chest, he hit the button to close the front gate. He turned his head and looked at me sideways. I took a drag from my smoke and nodded at him with approval. The guard took of his hat and placed it on the ground next to him. The wheels on the closing gate needed to be oiled. The guard then bit down on the vertical pole of the fence and started to gnaw. I could even see his tongue wrapped around the post. The gate touched the back of the guards neck and never stopped. The guard didnt scream or yelp, but he did continue to burn a look in my direction. The clank of the gate locking coincided with the snap of the guards neck as his jaw opened to a 180-degree angle. His eyes were bleeding as they bulged from his head. I wondered what his final thought was as the life drained from his body with the blood that created a perfect circle around his kneeling body. It was so late. I was so tired. I wondered when the last time I had slept. 7 The sound of a child crying outside caused me to open my eyes. The sun was shining through the eclipse of the shades on the windows. For a moment, I tried to remember, but wasnt sure what I was trying to recall. The phone rang. I sat there for a moment deciding if I wanted to answer, but it had stopped before I even made an attempt. The shag carpeting of the floor was ticklish to my feet as I walked towards the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I was disgusted by my physique. I ran my hands over my belly, then through my hair, which stayed in its frazzled position. I returned back to my bedroom and pulled my suit from my closet and got dressed. As I finished dressing, my ex-wife walked in asking if I was ready yet. She always had us rush, but still never made it to any destination on time. Just the site of her always brought a sharp pain in my stomach. Its sad, but I often thought of life without her. As we walked out of the house, she pushed my hand away from taking hers. We never held hands no matter where we went. She always said that she felt silly and that we were too old to hold hands. She was never one for public affection, but I wasnt either, at least with her. We walked down the block to the park. I grew up watching all the other kids in this park. I never played any high school team games. There were times that I wished that I had, but you cant change the past. I pointed out to her where I first broke my ankle. My limp from my accident wasnt noticeable at the moment. I had broken my ankle falling off my bike. I was attempting to run away but after the bike, with me on it, fell off the curb; the front rim of my tire was busted just like my ankle. Even at that young age, I wanted to get out. Run as far from this place as possible. As we walked she began to tell me how scared she was about the future. I really thought that this was the first time that we agreed on anything. I always felt that for someone so self consumed, that she never really knew what she wanted. I never pressed any issue from this department with her, but always listened. These types of conversations with her never surprised me. I always knew that some day it would end, and I was ok with that. As we passed the last baseball field in the park, I pointed to the forest where the waterfalls are. That was the most solace place of peace for me. Even though I wanted to go there, she pulled in the other direction. As I looked up to the bluest sky I could remember, our bodies moved further apart. She smiled at me and told me that she was going to go that I would be better off without her. She kissed me with a mocking passion grabbing the back of my neck. Her lips pressed so hard against mine. She forced my mouth open with her tongue and bit violently down on my lip. I pulled away from her realizing that she had cut my lip. She was close enough to feel her heart race with mine. She turned and slowly walked away with a smile. Her eyes looked past me as if I never existed. The sun was now beating almost directly above me. I began to sweat. The path to the waterfalls wound though the woods. Periodically, old houses from the 1800s that had burnt down were nothing more than skeletons of the past. Towns folk rarely ever entered the woods, even though they encompassed the western side of the town. A group of locals from town would come to these woods one weekend per month to chop down trees, preparing firewood for the winters. Armed with simple axes and wrapped in blankets they would camp here in various spots. I could never understood, since the winters never seemed all that harsh to me. As I crossed the old wooden bridge over the stream, I could see the dead trees in the eastern part of the lake. The lake was flooded from the reservoir that was intentionally overflowed a long time ago. I always stopped in fear of these dead trees that still stood as if they had grown from the water and were supposed to look as they did. They were gray in color without leaves. Very few of the trees still had any branches, but each treetop ended in splinters. Their reflections on the water made them even more intimidating. I never could pass them without caution. I could faintly hear the sound of the waterfalls in the distance as I walked along the stream. There was always a light mist that covered the stream this far into the woods. I wondered what horrors lay below the mist. I paused for a moment and turned. A feeling of dread began to overcome me as my heart started to race. The live trees around me began to sway as the wind started to blow with force. I dont know when it happened but the sun lit sky was now cloudy and very overcast. I looked forward to the falls and began to run in their direction. My legs could not move fast enough as I jumped over logs and through the trees. My fright had taken me off the path, which hampered my progress. I could see an opening in the forest ahead. My body pressed forward even faster. The trees opened in front of me to the clearing. I turned to look behind to see what had frightened me so. I realized that I wasnt alone. The mist from the stream rose and began to swirl on the outer banks of the clearing. I looked down to see that the grass had grown over my feet locking my position. I wanted to scream, but nothing came out. The mist approached closer and closer as my heart pounded like it was going to burst from my chest. I closed my eyes and thought of the waterfalls but that was too late. I reached out to touch the mist. My hand felt as if I had placed it in a pot of boiling water. I pulled my hand back, but the skin had already began to peel. I could see the tips of my fingers were nothing but bone. I tried to cry, but like my screams, it was to no avail. The mist surrounded me and in a flash, I was gone. 8 As I opened my eyes I could see a man lying on his back on the tile floor of the bathroom. He tried to stand, but his balance was not available. His hand grabbed for the sink as the water overflowed onto the bathroom floor like a waterfall. The room was lit by candles flickering with the reflections of life in the ever-growing reservoir of water that covered the floor around him. As he tried to rise, he slipped again in the blood that was pouring from the tips of his fingers. I seemed to embrace this scene, as much as when it was a mere concept in my mind. The pain was detached from where I was. He again tried to get himself up off the floor and finally succeeded. He wiped the condensation from the mirror, but that was only replaced with streaks of blood. I felt as if my heart was beating outside of my body. He fell back to the flooded floor, and I was relieved. What was a storyboard of his life, flashed in the reservoir around his body. I almost chuckled when I thought of the woman in the bar. The Blue Note, that was were Eve and I had first met. She was always wicked with her tongue and she planted that poison in my heart that first night that we met. I remember she introduced me to ecstasy that night. She took a fresh tab from under her tongue and placed it in my mouth. She told me that it would be a mind opening experience. When I think back, I believe that night was the first time that I died for her. My physical body was still in tact, but I lost myself to her and her chaos. Its strange what is clear to me at this point. I recalled her walking in and catching me with my favorite issue of Playboy in the same bathroom. The physical aspect of us had long been gone by that point. She had gotten so distraught that her brother actually broke my jaw when the family was over for Christmas. Even though, I never told her about the time I caught her with her old college lover who had visited her a few years back. I watched them as they exited a cab uptown. I remember that it was raining that night, and couldnt make out for certain if it was indeed she or not. But when I got into the cab that they had just exited, I smelt the perfume that I had gotten for her birthday. The cabby happily gave me details about the young couple who was in his words truly in love, for a couple of bucks of course. A few years later I bumped into my cabbies favorite lovebird in Montreal. I never felt any remorse from our encounter in the ally way. To this day, I would tell you it was an accident, him slamming awkwardly into the dumpster and all. But now all I see is this human shell on the floor of my bathroom. This was the control that I so desired for. My destiny was no long dictated by another. My veins poured the life that I never lived for myself. The darkness is coming again. I know this time is different. This time I am certain.