A man sits in his study, he is locked away from harm
He ties a strip of rubber, ties it tight around his arm.
In one hand is his enemy, the other holds a pen.
He floods his veins with heroin, and scribbles without end.
"My darling love Emilia, how long these months have been.
I'd trade my sight to see you, wait, that doesn't make much sense..
See, I've missed you, sweetheart, endlessly, I swear it's been so rough..
To fall asleep just wondering when I'll finally feel your touch..
We both know the pains of distance, we have felt it's sting before..
And we've always made it through, somehow, but this time hurt me more..
I don't have the nerve to call you, and I know that probably hurts..
But what I have to tell you love, would only make things worse..
Last week or so in New Orleans, I think it was Thursday night..
When after all that time my call got through, and I'd only called to fight?
After that, I went out walking, just to take you off my mind..
And I guess in a way I did it...
But my reasoning went blind..
It was some little bar in the french quarter, I can't even pronounce the name..
I needed a drink.. I KNEW I'd been wrong.. For ONCE I think I was ashamed..
And I sat there for a while, till I didn't feel a thing.
I yelled aloud something about the cost of your engagement ring..
It was stupid... Pathetic... And I SWEAR I know that now..
But nothing I could say could change what happened anyhow..
She saw me losing focus..
She saw me start to cry..
She came to me to help me, and as I looked her in the eye, I felt like YOU had caused my wandering, the temptation wasn't MINE, I'd sworn you were going to leave me, so in these bloodshot eyes, it was fine..
I guess that she knew that I needed her..
For whatever reason, she knew..
I stumbled across to a motel, if I remember, room 22."
...
The man takes a pause for a moment, his mind now running wild.
Who was HE to wound this girl, so delicate, so mild?
But in his mind, the view had shifted, he looked at her with blame.
He gripped the ballpoint tightly, and he wrote it just the same.
"Why SHOULD I spare the details, Em? To save YOU from being hurt?
She saved me from a pain YOU caused, that god knows you weren't worth.
God, Em, she rose and fell with me, she cleaned you from my mind.
I lost the hate, the worrying, I lost all track of time..
But I SAW YOU when she fell on me, her bangs all soaked with sweat..
And I knew it would come back to haunt me, but I tried SO hard to forget.
I told her I was leaving, as you will sometime soon..
I grabbed my coat and car keys, and I left her in the room.
When I got home, I ruined it..
I tore every picture apart.
That summer in Arizona, that summer at Cape Cod.
I didn't want to SEE you, I knew YOU wouldn't want to see ME..
And there's nothing I can say to you, Em.
Except for I'm sor"
The man's eyes roll back slightly, a froth falls from his lips.
The pen eludes the paper, and escapes his fingertips.
His pulse arose, then plummeted, his heart had reached an end.
With Emilia none the wiser, for the letter never sent.
