today started off great, i straightened my hair and left it down all day cuz i'd been wantin to since last week. i got to drive to my internship by myself and i even parked on the first try (last time, it took me like 15 minutes). jen was there and paul even asked if i wanted something from safeway when he and dan went. but, as always people stop payin attention to me cuz they have to do their jobs and i end up feelin like i'm takin up space. i feel like they dont want me there cuz the cash register is harder than it looks and i'm still tryin to learn how to use it and who the regulars are and everything around the cash register. half the time it's just me smilin and greetin everyone and apologizing for not knowin anything cuz i'm new. i feel like i cant do anything except watch the pumps which is the same as watching grass grow while standing for 7 hours.
but then, today, i thought it would be fun to leave my stuff at the station so i could blast music in the car as i drove bak to get it. well, as i got out of the car, i accidentally hit the horn and then when i was backin up, i backed into another car's tire...in front of my boss. that was embarrassin enough, but then as i was pullin out of the lot, i could almost hear in my mind wat everyone was sayin behind my back. that's the way of the gas station. they're like a fraternity and i cant get in...i sit there and listen to wat they say about other people. i know they will say nasty things about people and sometimes i get the feeling that most of them hate me. i try to impress them but everytime i try, i screw up. everytime i smile at them or try to be friendly, i seem to get cold answers...only jen is nice to me even if she's tired of babying people. i got them all valentine's day cards and i meant to get dan a birthday card but i forgot...i dunno wat i'm doing wrong!
on top of that, the song wyly sent me is playin in my head.
no matter wat i do, everything seems to be fallin down
