this past week has been hell for me... i've had so much shit going on, i feel like i'm losing my mind... nothing is going right... everything is screwing up... I'm trying to help dennis get a job down here and get moved down here... no one really understands why i'm doing this, but they don't have to.... this is my children's father... i know what it was like growin up with out my dad/.... and if i can have him in OKC with them, then i will... i don't want my girls to growq up with out a father's love... i wont do that to them. I moved here to get away from enid, his mother and him.... but if i can help him move to OKC and get his own place i will... I know no one understands it... but HE loves those girls... him and i may fight like cats and dogs, and i may hate his guts... he's an asshole to me for no reason, and jesus does he annoy the hell out of me, but he loves tash and lexi to death, and they love their daddy... and i can't just deprive them of their father because we can't get along... thats not fair to them... and those girls come first in my life... they ARE my life... and i'll do whatever i have to do to make sure they are happy and have what they need.... and he truly is a loving father... just a shitty husband, so why should i forever punish my girls cuz i can't stand him?? does that make any sense??? i dunno.... i'm not sure what to do anymore... i'm at a loss... i'm so stressed out i've got an ulcer i'm sure... my stomach is hurting so badly i don't even want to eat or drink anything... i keep taking meds for it but that doesn't work... i should take my lexapro to try and deal with the stress but damned if that shit isn't expensive... i dunno... i'm not sure what to do anymore... seems like everyone's so wrapped up in their own lives that no one thinks anything through... hell, i know i haven't.... oh well... what else can i do?!?!?!?
